I wasn't but in my line of work (I work in TV production) I have filmed at a lot of different churches, most of them almost regularly, so in a way it is almost like I am a member of multiple congregations and I have heard and met a surprising amount of people who have had sexual abuse in the church. From members themselves all the way up to pastors.

Religion itself is the idea of perfection but can lull people into the sensation of a false security. No one in any religion is perfect and all have flaws. You can run into bad people all over any church. You just have to understand that religion is not about man or even the church but about your relationship with God. Unless God himself violated you I wouldn't hold it against him.

Many pastors are not really in it for God but for themselves. Like the biggest thing I have seen in my work is we have filmed some of the big name speakers and many of them have had a lot of controversy. Many of them pull in huge amounts of money in donations. Some making as much as 50 million a year. Then they end up with private jets, million dollar houses all over, cars flirting with millions of dollars each... Then when the government tries to get files on the money and how it is being used they don't cooperate. Many of the speakers we have filmed will literally give a good message then heckle the people to give money for over an hour until they get a certain amount of large donations saying they will be blessed for it. I could go on and on. Many of them have been through multiple divorces, scandals with things from money to affairs etc etc.

Really they are all human beings and even if they start off with good intentions I feel many of them have the power go to there head and they lose touch.

I can see how it would affect you though. You just have to keep in your mind that the woman who did that to you was not God or a vessel of god simply just a false prophet.

Are you still in the same church or did you go somewhere else?

I was abused by my youth pastor for years. I'm definitely struggling with the church. I dont think I'll ever go to church again. Logically I know that it wasnt the church who did it, but I still cant really grasp the whole religion thing anymore.

I've recently been working on this with my therapist and I think I'm very slowly looking for a new way to view God. I've completely shut him out of my life for 7 years and I think it will be a good thing for me to try and open my mind and heal my heart.

please write if you want to talk. I've never met anyone else who has experienced abuse in the church.

No, I'm not in the same church. Thank goodness. My family has changed churches a few times since then. Recently I tried to go back to the church I went to a few years ago, but it felt forced. My parents just found out about the abuse a year and a half ago and my dad now has a strained relationship with the church as well. I can't help but feel guilty.

I am sorry about that. Does any church in general just trigger you? Some people will watch on TV, you still hear the the same message and all of them let you call or email the church, many of them will even give direct contact to the pastor. Sometimes people will watch a few on TV and see if one sticks out to them then go to the church and fit in.

Whatever you do though I think for it to work again for you you may have to put yourself out there a bit. Go to a church and really throw yourself into the full experience. After a while you will probably ease up and see it can still be an enjoyable experience for you.

Like I said mine wasn't church related but it did affect my faith a lot and for years when I worked on a church job I would sit there filming just wanting it to end and thinking the preacher was full of it. Like I said it was years but eventually I came around to it and started to actually enjoy some of the speakers and sermons and it became deeper.

It is still fresh with your parents I believe that will also pass. That is similar with my parents. My abuse was when I was 5 and I didn't tell my mom until a year ago and she blamed herself for it happening and couldn't really accept it for a while but she has started to see it for what it was and is coming around. I think it also helped that she saw I was fine and still living my life to the fullest. Helping yourself in reality can make it easier for him. Ether way time will heal.

i also struggle with religion...and how God can allow something like that to happen in a church.

Churches just trigger my anxiety into overdrive. I feel like a fraud when I go to church. Like everyone there is in some secret club and I'm on the outside because i've labeled one of them as an abuser. It doesn't matter that we don't even go to the same church as my abuser. I'm thinking of giving church another try in a bit...maybe later this fall? I'm in a much better place now then when I last tried to go. One reason I *do* want to go is because one of the church officials was abused as a child as well. My dad has already talked to her about me and my situation. I am hoping that she can help me in my healing process.

Ps I'm envious of anyone who lives life to the fullest dispite of childhood abuse. It has all but destroyed what I'd made out of my life. Fortunately (to the complete shock of my therapist, lol) I FINALLY feel like I'm getting better.

Hugs.

CFreAk -

That debate can be looked at in many angles but I find it hard to throw God under the bus for it. Life isn't perfect in any way and life to a degree looks basically like a test to earn that perfect life. Despite adversity can we stay loyal to God in a way. If you get into heaven all that baggage is supposed to be shed off. The story of Job is a good example of it if you are familiar.

Plus when you really think about it if God is indeed real even if he didn't prevent it from happening you wouldn't exactly be better off without him.

You can also look at it many other ways in the long run. Like in my life I have had bad things happen that in some way had a good benefit later on. Maybe something bad happens to you so you can merge off in another direction so maybe you can help someone else out. Or like in my case I was born into religion I never really chose it for myself it just is what it was. My experience originally made me drift away from it even more to the point where I thought it was all BS propaganda but after years I truly began to see it for myself. Kind of like yes I had a bad experience but maybe it prevented me from turning my back to god entirely and missing out. I could give a lot of examples. Maybe they help maybe they don't just some ideas.

ItsAlwaysSunny -

That is understandable. It makes sense. It kind of reminds me of the old school mentality. Like when you did something stupid in school and every time someone laughed you felt like they were laughing at you. It is actually quiet the opposite in most churches though. Obviously some people can be rough but in general most church members if not all will give you the benefit of the doubt and support you. From what I have seen I have yet to see a church ever brush off such allegations as false or a joke.

Sex abuse in general is extremely common I am sure you will find multiple people who can relate to you in a congregation and ether way it's not about quantity but quality. If you can find only 1 or 2 good people that you really get along with it can be well worth it.

Whatever you do good luck with it. I hope it works out and goes smoothly. If it is rocky at all I am always here to talk to you =]

I just see life as a nothing to lose situation. I am not pulling a trigger to my head. I used to mop around just avoiding people at all costs and sitting in my room for days hardly ever leaving but I just decided I didn't want to waste my life like that I want to enjoy my life. I don't want any regrets. I make the most of the cards I have. It may be possible that since I am a guy (now grown) though that I can view things differently. I don't feel as vulnerable or likely to be sexually abused.Maybe..

I am glad you are feeling better though. Just try to keep strong. When things get tough (and likely will again) just know life is like a roller coaster and try to ride it out knowing it will come back around. Damage control on those tough nights =]

I wasn't abused in a church but my family was ver religious and used bible talk and quotes and God's "fear" in the abuse...

Yeah i struggle with religion, but if there is a God in the end we'll be judge by our actions not our words........And now that i've done some recovery work i see who's actions were evil, and it wasn't mine.I was an innocent child.

I hope they get theirs, inspite of how much my father prays...

DavieMukk

i do not accuse God but some days i do feel angry with Him. like you, i was born into religion. my grandpa was a pastor, my father is one and my cousin was one and some uncles as well. a lot of the bad stuff literally happened in church. besides that, i find it difficult to accept that the people can be so judgemental...and deep inside of me i do wish to change my mindset about church.

ItsAlwaysSunny

i wish you well in your healing process, who knows, maybe one day you will be the person leading life to the fullest! as long as there is hope...anything is possible.

I was mentally abused. It was in our church school which I consider part of the church because most everyone there went to one of two churches and everyone knew each other. I was being mentally and physically abused at home and it was painfully obvious at school. Our teacher was a church elder and did just about everything to constitute getting his teaching license taken away. He thought that abusing me would help get my grades up and only once asked if everything was ok at home. He would publicly humiliate and insult me, isolate me, and take priveleges away. It got to the point where I would just sob on my desk in front of everyone and then at the end of the day drive home with my dad laughing at me for it. Ive also had people in the church who have tried to help but just hurt me worse, so now im just wary to go at all. Im just confused about it now.

Sorry, I didnt know this was a sexual abuse group so I dont know If this is the right place to say that, I was just looking for church abuse groups and saw this. Im dumb

It's ok Kat. We all make mistakes and you're not dumb, you were smart enough to find the post!