Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hi everyone,
I have an odd question about blocked memories. At the time abuse occurred, I had told my friends a romanticized version of real events -- though people outside of my friends circle found even this romantic version horrifying. I can remember what I told my friends but not the actual events. I know it happened because my mother dug around and found the person, his car matched, his apartment complex matched, and the woman in my church who had recommended me as a babysitter knew the man and had qualms about telling my mother anything. (RED FLAG)
Anyway, I have little flashes of other abuse in my past. Incest with an older brother. Sexual abuse and attempted escape at a church event when I was very little. But I cannot recall the true events of the things that happened when I was 12. I went through therapy about a year after the rape/continued molestation and actively told my therapist that I had lied, making up the events and man. I actually felt guilty that my mom had dug up all this tangible information about a man who I denied. I believe now that it did happen, but I still do not recall him.
Is it worth trying to remember 30 years later? Is it better left unburied?
BTW, my friends who I talked to about the events (romanticized or not) at the time had thought I was just telling a story (ie. lying). It was salacious at the time for my friends because we were in all 12/13 years old.
Thanks for any advice and/or experiences. I am married, have 3 kids, and I had these experiences this time of year (holidays). Maybe that's why I'm examining it at all.
Thanks!
Deanna
I have an odd question about blocked memories. At the time abuse occurred, I had told my friends a romanticized version of real events -- though people outside of my friends circle found even this romantic version horrifying. I can remember what I told my friends but not the actual events. I know it happened because my mother dug around and found the person, his car matched, his apartment complex matched, and the woman in my church who had recommended me as a babysitter knew the man and had qualms about telling my mother anything. (RED FLAG)
Anyway, I have little flashes of other abuse in my past. Incest with an older brother. Sexual abuse and attempted escape at a church event when I was very little. But I cannot recall the true events of the things that happened when I was 12. I went through therapy about a year after the rape/continued molestation and actively told my therapist that I had lied, making up the events and man. I actually felt guilty that my mom had dug up all this tangible information about a man who I denied. I believe now that it did happen, but I still do not recall him.
Is it worth trying to remember 30 years later? Is it better left unburied?
BTW, my friends who I talked to about the events (romanticized or not) at the time had thought I was just telling a story (ie. lying). It was salacious at the time for my friends because we were in all 12/13 years old.
Thanks for any advice and/or experiences. I am married, have 3 kids, and I had these experiences this time of year (holidays). Maybe that's why I'm examining it at all.
Thanks!
Deanna
Take care
I have tried to un-bury my memories around the events that I am thinking about right now and it has not worked. It was more than one therapist. I also went to the police with an attempt to pursue legal recourse with the perpetrator. The detectives believed me and yet there was no physical evidence to extradite the man from where he had moved to between the events and the time I went to the police.
I do know that the sexual abuse in my past absolutely has affected my life, even if I cannot recall the memories of my early teenage years with clarity. When I get frustrated with my choices as a young woman I remind myself that repeated sexual abuse changes a brain. I did not have the same brain chemistry as a person who has not suffered abuse.
I don't have flashbacks of the abuse. What I have noticed lately is feeling uneasy when I'm out in public. I'm anxious that I am going to see my perpetrator at the grocery store or some other public place.
Again I don't know if trying to unbury the actual abuse memories will be effective, even with a therapist. I am also afraid of trying "too hard" to uncover memories only to have them be impregnated with false memories. Sometimes it stinks to have a degree in psychology and understand the malleable nature of memory.
I overthink too much! ;-)
deanna