I have zero experience with police and prosecution of incest, so I can't speak to that. But as a mother I can imagine your devastation and rage and frustration. I think it would do you good to get that out of your body somehow, and it would do your daughter good as well. Maybe you should buy a punching bag and take turns punching the daylights out of it - with gloves on so neither of you gets hurt further.

Now, putting your daughter's welfare first, let's leave aside the idea of your dad being held responsible. I agree that society is full of denial, that it's often easier and more popular to blame an innocent girl than a rotten old man. But what is best for you daughter going forward?

I assume that your father will experience justice - if not in this life, then in the next. It is not necessary for your daughter to witness that in order for her to heal. In fact, the best thing to do is take the focus off the perpetrator and put it on her. To hell with him - he's a done deal. What about her? She's a young girl with her whole life ahead of her. There are many of us whose father's abused us and who never prosecuted him. We are still bent on healing. I don't give a damn about my father. I only care about myself, and my healing.

Now I'm going to say some stuff that might be overstepping and might be off base, so if it is, please forgive me and dismiss what I have said.

I think your attitude will have an effect on your daughter. Therefore I think you should do your best to get out your anger, or maybe feel the devastating feelings underneath the anger. I don't know how much healing work you have done on your own past, but you are a model for your daughter. You have to know and believe that your father's evil actions don't get to define her life. You have to know and believe that she can heal. And you have to project that confidence to her, even as you allow yourself and her to feel the devastating effects of the abuse. If you yourself are not in therapy to deal with all this, I strongly urge you to go. If you have buried this all your life and numbed yourself to its effects, limiting your engagement with life as a result, then maybe you need to work on your own healing to show your daughter what that looks like and what is possible.

Sorry for rambling so long, but these things just occurred to me as I was writing to you. I have noticed how my daughter follows in my footsteps of having limited engagement with life, and so I am fighting like crazy to come alive, both for my sake and hers.

You might think about filing a civil suit instead. Or concomitant with the criminal charges.
Civil court has a lower standard of determining guilt. Too, the financial settlement could help pay for therapy. That would help repair some of the damage he did.

Well I'm in a similar situation in that my step dad molested me when I was a teenager and then my daughter when she was turning 3. The police detective told me because my step dad passed a polygraph it went a long ways toward his innocence this after we had computer evidence from his work computer that he was premeditating the abuse. It was specific to granddaughter in his searches. And my daughters disclosure to me and his past abuse of me.

I'm sure there is a lot more to your story as there is to mine but I understand your feelings of hurt and betrayal. My family also has sided with my step dad and not me and I am estranged from them. My mom believes I am a liar and somehow forced my daughter to say such things or whatever nonsense she believes.

So what can we do. Well first I had to let go,of the prosecution part in my case they would not move forward and I can't do anything about that. I had to focus completely and solely on my daughter and her healing. This in itself is a huge task. When your daughters are healing than you will do better also. If you can get counseling for yourself.

I'm sorry your girl is struggling. Be thankful she is getting help and trust the process. Be there for her listen to her and validate her. That's your job and keep the professionals informed of her isolation and anything going on at home that concerns you. Get suggestions from them and follow them. When I was healing from my abuse as an adult I had a really tough year emotionally I didn't do the things I normally would do and I was nt happy either I was doing the necessary work to recover and in time I was able to Re engage in life more happy and more fulfilled than before. The hardest thing for a parent in my opinion is to see our children sad. We always want them to be happy but in life we aren't always happy and some times there are reasons to be sad for a while. She is grieving.

Maybe you can break up the moment by taking regular breaks to walk with her, do art together gentle relaxing activities that engage the senses. Cooking even if she likes that. You can even say I know this is a hard time for you and I know I can't change that although I wish so much that I could. In time I know you will enjoy life again. Can you give yourself permission to do this with me for one hour today. I'd like to just spend time with you. What do you say?

Mostly she just needs to know you are there and you love her. Hugs you have a tough job I know take care of yourself.

I would be furious also in your situation. My grandfather sexually molested me as child and of course memories are not clear. However the fact that you take your child's word over your father I applaud you for doing the right thing by your child. I told my mom and she didn't believe me and ignored it. However, prosecuting him by police won't change what happened. They can put him in jail and make his actions known to everybody but it's still in the past and nothing can change what happened. I think the first thing to focus on is your daughter to get her the proper therapy, talk to her constantly about her feelings about past and present and help her get over this trauma that she has been through.

Just my thoughts also to your question... Why do abusers get treated better than victims. In my personal opinion I believe it's because abusers defend other abusers and victims in general back out of confrontation.... And other people simply just don't care... People in general are more self interested and uncaring of others. I feel that's is why