Yeah hun it does make sense because he is a sexual perpetrator. This is what they do. They make it seem like love when in reality it is a sense of power that they use over their victims to confuse the *&^%of their victims so they dont know who is right and who is wrong. But you are definitely right in thinking what he is doing is wrong. You deserve so much better than a person like him and one day you will find that person with much perseverence. Your friend in this journey.

Wow, I have never like cried over this or anything. I feel like actually saying something, even though it's on here, make me feel like I can maybe move on. To know that it's okay for me to feel that I wasn't in the wrong puts it in a whole new perspective.
Thank you.

Lulu, as you're getting past the ex bf, try to think about how you got there in the first place. Did something happen earlier in your life that made it feel normal to let someone control you? Is there some other core issue that drew you to your abuser?how do you think you can keep it from happening again?

I really have no idea like if anything happened to trigger it. Like My child hood was okay. I never been sexually abused by anyone else or anything, so I'm not sure. A lot of people say if you don't have a good father figure that you are more likely to let men over rule you or whatever....so maybe that is my problem? I don't know, but I know that these types of boys are what I am drawn to. Just recently I got into a relationship that the boy reminded me of my ex. The difference was that this guy promised he would never hurt me physically because his dad was like that, so he would never be. There was a lot of emotional abuse though, and I knew it. I'm glad I got away from that sooner than later.

Ask yourself was he right for you? Did he put you or him first? Did he fulfill your needs? Being in love is a great thing but it is also a trap. If he is not in love with you then perhaps you need to move on and give yourself time to heal. He only has what power you give him.


good luck
rich

This may sound stupid coming from a man in particular but you said you had found another man after the man you wrote about. How soon after were you in this relationshipship? Perhaps you need to work on finding love for yourself before you work on finding someone who can love you. Its a corny line but maybe the greatest love in learning to love yourself. Perhaps then when we have fulfilled this need of loving ourselves we can then work on what we need from someone else to complete us.

Sometimes in relationships we loose sight of acceptable boundaries. When the relationship is good, it's very, very good...and when it is bad it is horrid. This sounds like a classic case of a woman sticking in a domestically violent relationship (I WAS one of them) I made excuses, I loved him, it was great, except when it wasnt. In your case it was sexually violent, and rape. If you said no and he did as he pleased thats rape. He had no respect for your boundaries. Sometimes we become conditoned/accustomed whatever you want to call it to this "normal" and accept it. Low self esteem, a crap childhood, not thinking we can do better...many things are to blame. But in anycase this realtionship is unhealthy. Your best bet is to steer clear and spend some time alone as someone else stated. A favorite quote fo mine that got me thru rought times is :
"Plant your own gardens, nourish your own soul instead of waiting for somebody to bring you flowers" We will never be able to form solid relationships with another unless we are whole ourselves.
You deserve better. Make sure you get what you give....YOU'RE WORTH IT!
J

Thank you all for the insight and support.
It has really opened my mind, and I know what I need to do.
:)
THANK YOU.