Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Am I to blame?
This has always been a question that I've had.
I found out that there were horrible rumors about me many years ago when I was around 22 years old. My 3rd cousin who happens to be 4 years younger than me told many members of the family that I did perverted things to her, like grinding her with an erection on multiple occasions. Things did happen but I think I handled them properly.
When I was 12 and she was eight she jumped in my lap and was bouncing up and down like kids do and I got an erection. I pushed her away and told her no but she continued getting in my lap and jumping around, she noticed my erection and continued bouncing up and down. I threw her off and went into rooms where other people were around thinking she'd leave me alone but she would continue to get in my lap and pretty much just grinding away in front of family. I'd say help and please get her off and they'd just laugh. This was repeated a lot over the years. As she got older she got worse, actually getting
in my bed once while I was asleep (MY BED)! and I woke up with her hand in my pants rubbing my erection. I asked her what she was doing and she simply replied I don't know Why is it so hard? My heart was racing, I grabbed her hand and pulled it away from my penis. I told her to go back to her room where her aunt was sleeping. She got mad and told me that she would scream if I made her go back in there
I was emarrased and worried that I would get in trouble if she were to do that so I got up, went in the restroom, got rid of my erection, tucked her into my bed, went to the living room and fell asleep only to be waken up by her aunt/my cousin wondering why I was on the couch and she was in my bed . Nothing ever happened beyond that but is only one of many uncomfortable situations that had happened between us
I'm not going to lie. She was a beautiful girl and is a beautiful woman now, I was tempted but I never acted.
Yet she tells everyone that I initiated in these acts, that I wanted or allowed them to happen.
What would have happened if I told her parents?
Am I fucked up for getting erections when she crawled around in my lap, bouncing and grindig, when she got into bed with me?
Only happened with her.
I was young as well. A little older but not by much.
Really dumb post. I don't expect anyone to comment. I just had to get it off my chest.
I'm the one who looks bad now.
This has always been a question that I've had.
I found out that there were horrible rumors about me many years ago when I was around 22 years old. My 3rd cousin who happens to be 4 years younger than me told many members of the family that I did perverted things to her, like grinding her with an erection on multiple occasions. Things did happen but I think I handled them properly.
When I was 12 and she was eight she jumped in my lap and was bouncing up and down like kids do and I got an erection. I pushed her away and told her no but she continued getting in my lap and jumping around, she noticed my erection and continued bouncing up and down. I threw her off and went into rooms where other people were around thinking she'd leave me alone but she would continue to get in my lap and pretty much just grinding away in front of family. I'd say help and please get her off and they'd just laugh. This was repeated a lot over the years. As she got older she got worse, actually getting
in my bed once while I was asleep (MY BED)! and I woke up with her hand in my pants rubbing my erection. I asked her what she was doing and she simply replied I don't know Why is it so hard? My heart was racing, I grabbed her hand and pulled it away from my penis. I told her to go back to her room where her aunt was sleeping. She got mad and told me that she would scream if I made her go back in there
I was emarrased and worried that I would get in trouble if she were to do that so I got up, went in the restroom, got rid of my erection, tucked her into my bed, went to the living room and fell asleep only to be waken up by her aunt/my cousin wondering why I was on the couch and she was in my bed . Nothing ever happened beyond that but is only one of many uncomfortable situations that had happened between us
I'm not going to lie. She was a beautiful girl and is a beautiful woman now, I was tempted but I never acted.
Yet she tells everyone that I initiated in these acts, that I wanted or allowed them to happen.
What would have happened if I told her parents?
Am I fucked up for getting erections when she crawled around in my lap, bouncing and grindig, when she got into bed with me?
Only happened with her.
I was young as well. A little older but not by much.
Really dumb post. I don't expect anyone to comment. I just had to get it off my chest.
I'm the one who looks bad now.
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Middy is off for a bit so if anyone needs a CL please just give me a shoutSending a big hug...xo
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
I think that a few talks with a counselor that specializes in abuse and sexual trauma could be helpful. Just to clarify things for yourself and stand strong with your truth.
What I can say is that one should not be ashamed of an erection in this situation it is completely normal.
I can't imagine any explanation for your cousin's behavior besides her being sexually abused by someone else, and then acting out on you. She may feel a lot of shame and confusion, and she may not remember what really happened, so she blames you to escape her sense of shame or to explain things to herself in the absence of memories of the actual abuse. But the reason for her behavior is less important than the impact it has had and is having on you.
I agree with Sunday that you should seek counseling with a sexual abuse/trauma therapist. You were only twelve when your cousin began acting out on you, and even though she was younger and a girl, I think it would be accurate to say that she sexually abused you. You were only a child, you were subjected to unwanted sexual contact and you were not allowed to maintain boundaries and say 'no.' To then blame you for the experience really compounds the trauma. I'm sorry this happened to you. You're in the right place.
Kinda like surviver's guilt. My wife died before we found out that would have hurt her so much.
It's not your fault, and I'm very sorry that happened. Nor was the erection your fault.
Good on you, though, for the way you handled it, you did the best job you could at the time of putting up proper boundaries.
I'm sorry she still blames you, it's not fair. Frustrating.
When I was about that age +/- 2 years, I would almost do stuff to create the erections ( didn't have the "talk" till early teen years) so I only understood what I had read... (That alone can really mess a kid up!!).
Anyway, I understand 'survivors' guilt...
My rapist was 2 years younger than me. Oh yeah, I understand...
Anyway, I'm sorry for everything ...
(Even this long winded pointless comment...
That's why I think I handled things correctly. If I were to tell the parents that your daughter was making me horny and she needed to leave me alone I think things would have turned out negatively for me.
For the most part I was a horn dog. Besides still playing with my G.I Joes and video games I looked at dirty magazines. It was like discovering a new world due to having a sheltered Christian life in the country where I had little interaction with the opposite sex.
The one girl that I did hang around when I was young was just as sheltered and curious as me.
I live in the south and kids didn't get the talk from their parents besides them saying it was wrong which made us want to do it even more.
Thanks for all of your comments. I appreciate you for caring enough to put in your 2 cents.
I personally don't feel like I was molested because I knew the conciseness of what could happened and I stopped it. I knew it wasn't an innocent game and I stopped it.
Despite the urge to let things happen I stopped it.
My guilt is for having the urge to let it happen.