Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
is it weird to be scard of healing myself. because i think i am. it's just become a part of who i am. to feel the things i feel and to be the way i am. i'm scard that if i heal myself then i won't know what to do. i mean don't get me wrong i want to heal myself i want to get better but it's the fact of what now after i am. i guess i'm one of thoes people who have to know what's gonna happen next. i just want to know what happens after i'm healed, after i'm able to live without thinking of the abouse? do i just forget it and pretend it never happend. but how can i it's become a part of me it's made me who i am. how do i forget a part of me? what do i do?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
What I've noticed is that I go for *really* long times without thinking about the abuse now. It used to be that I was always thinking about - and how I had been abused, and how it had ruined my life.
Now I hardly ever think about it - and when I do, I don't freak out like I used to. Even when I'm here in the group I don't think about it really because it's not like a sore in my life like it used to be. It's not all inflamed and needing attention and treatment.
When we're hurt or sick, we need healing attention. Bandaids, medicine, therapy, whatever would help that condition that we're in.
But when it's not an urgent condition, we can go on with our lives without having to compensate anymore. Of course it's different for everyone, but you'll get to see what it's like for YOU to be healed from your painful childhood.
It will always be a part of your experience, and it will always be part of what made you the person you are today, but it doesn't have to define you.
For a silly example that gets the same point across - if you had chicken pox when you were 8, it felt bad, itchy, etc. and you needed pink lotion on your skin to take care of it. All you can think about is your chicken pox and how they're ugly, itchy, hot, etc.
Then when you healed from the chicken pox, you were grateful to be done with the suffering that came from it. You could go run around and be free and play.
Does that mean that you've forgotten that you had the chicken pox? No, you remember that you had the chicken pox, but you just don't think about it all the time anymore. You can focus on other things in your life that bring you joy.
So no, it's not weird to be scared of healing. Even to imagine yourself without the pain that you have now can be strange because you're so used to it. It's like a fish trying to imagine what it's like to be out of the water - it'd be hard because all it knows is water! How can it imagine what it's like to not have the only thing it knows?
What's the worst thing that you think might happen after you heal from the sexual abuse? You won't know what to do...and then what?
Love and a hug -