Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
So I haven't posted on here in awhile, but I'd like some advice. When I was 12 I was raped and molested by my uncle. I was fortunate enough to find a way to get myself out of that situation after a few months, but I never told anyone it happened. I waited around 5 years to tell my family, which was on April 6, 2017. I've been to counseling over the last 6 or 7 months but I feel like I'm handling everything pretty well, and evidently so did my counselor because she said she saw no reason to continue counseling unless something else came up that I needed to work through. I feel like I've dealt with a lot of my issues, especially with the self blame. My counselor helped me see that I wasn't to blame at all. And my nightmares haven't been occurring very much at all. Everything is starting to feel "normal" again.
Anyway things are going great, and I even felt comfortable enough to go out on a few dates with this guy. I've known him for like 3 or 4 years. So fast forward a little bit he's now my boyfriend, my first one ever, because I never dated after what my uncle did. This guy is so sweet and funny and he makes me happy. I don't know what I'd do without him. He makes me feel like I'm a normal girl. He makes me feel smart and beautiful. I don't feel broken or like damaged goods around him. He's the only person who can make me smile just by thinking about him, and my favorite part of the day is seeing him. He's literally the best thing that's ever happened to me.
The problem is we've been dating for a little while now, and I told him I want to take things slow. He was totally fine with that. I told him I wanted to take things slow because he was my first boyfriend, which was partly true. I haven't told him about being raped or anything like that though. Anyway now we've been getting closer and I feel like our relationship is heading to something sexual. We've made out and stuff but haven't done anything sexual because I told him I wanted to take it slow. He isn't pressuring me or anything, actually he does the opposite, he always asks is this ok? Or can I do this? So like I said not pressuring me at all. The thing is I feel like our relationship is heading to something sexual and honestly for the first time ever I want that with this guy. The problem is I don't know how I'm going to react when it does turn sexual. What if I get triggered or something? I think I need to tell him beforehand just in case I would get triggered or something. I was wondering how I should tell him what happened and what is the best way to bring it up? Also when is the best time to bring it up? I just need some advice on how to go about telling him.
Just tell him - "Hey, I'm a little anxious about sex and stuff because I had some bad things happen to me when I was young and I don't know how it's going to affect me." He will need to know what to do if you do have a bad reaction - he may feel scared or guilty, so you have tell him how you'd want him to handle it.
Just remember, this is way too common a thing that happens to people, so don't feel like a freak. Lots of us go on and have long-term relationships with partners who are fine and understanding. You'd be surprised how often it happens to men too, so you never know what he might have in his own past.
I hate the expression "damaged goods". We are not "GOODS", we are human beings. And we were hurt by other human beings. Your sexuality belongs to you. It's not something that you "give" to your partner - it's yours.