Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
therapy has been a syruggle for me. mainly because I've always been taught to suck it up and shut up. I also don't want my past to define me but I'm seeing as I get older my past has created who I am today and I can honestly say I despise every bit of what I am. I also hide it very well, nobody but my therapist is aware of how disgusting I am. which is what brings me to posting this. my therapist believes it's important for me to be honest with myself and to have support. I don't currently don't have any support and my therapist thinks anonymous peer support could be helpful, thats the reason for this post.
don't keep reading if you get triggered easily.
my mother died of cancer when I was 6. I have no idea who my father is, the birth certificate is blank. I don't remember anything before age 7. I went into foster care, I found my second and final home when I was 8. I was trafficked from the age 8 to 14 until I ranaway and lived on the streets. the sexual abuse didn't end at 14 but I always told myself it was a choice after 14.
I need support people for this healing journey. it's already fucking with me in every aspect of my life. I'm not an easy person to be around. I hide alot with high energy and a lot of foul words. under that I'm not a total piece of shit so if you want to friend me and give me an occasional keep going I would appreciate it and I can let my therapist know to get off my back about forming a support network.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
You have a lot of pain to unburden but I'm sure this healing journey is going to be transformative for you.
The healing process is not easy and there are definitely ups and downs but once you get through it...you are done. It's over and life can start fresh. Hold out for that fresh start because it is wonderful. But during your process please do come here and write in your journals so that you can receive support and suggestions from an anonymous group of people who understand and have been through/going through the healing process.
I was a pretty heavy swearer too. It was my anger. I hated the world and I hated myself. Has your therapist talked to you about ways to release your anger that are safe and work for you? I know you have said you will go for a run when you feel angry - does that help to release the anger? I got a punching bag to help release mine. But it has to be safe for you. My brother used a punching bag but he would punch with no gloves with the sole purpose to cause pain to himself and make himself bleed. That is not releasing anger safely. That is simply punishing yourself for others abuses. Please talk to your therapist and see if you can come up with some ways to release the anger safely.
running does help. sex helps temporarily. everything lasts temporarily.
Healing is like an onion. You work it one layer at a time. When you heal one layer and peel it back it reveals another layer. Once that layer is fully exposed you work on healing that one...and so on until there are no more layers of the onion.
Scott
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. are you close to her?
I think slowing down is a good idea. I went into this with the idea if hurry up and get this over with but dam its not easy and its already fucking with my head and emotions.