Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Abused..

justlikemusic
justlikemusic

hi I'm new to DS, 


i was sexually abused for a few years as a child by my moms brother and I never told anyone until i was 15, when he tried doing it again. As a child he lived with us and every night would go into my bedroom and touch me. He never raped me but he did finger me and licked me...it still haunts me. Sometimes my 25 year old self wants to go back and save my child self from all the abuse and it's torturing. Throughout the years after he didn't live with us anymore, he'd still find any chance he could to Touch me. He would put his hands down my shirt and touch my breasts...he would look at me dirty and try to spy on me when I would shower. It's horrible. I finally told my mom at the age of 15 and she blamed herself, calling herself a bad mother. I feel like I can't talk to her about it bc it's her brother and I'm her daughter...I was able to avoid him for almost 10 years by not attending family events in which I knew he would attend. Finally, last year I felt brave and decided that I was tired of missing out on so many family gatherings just bc he would be there so I decided to attend my grandmothers bday party. It was a mistake. As soon as I saw him my heart dropped and all the memories came back instantly. I wanted to leave immediately. It was terrible to experience. It was then that I realized that no matter how many years pass by and no matter how old I am, I will always be terrified of him. He took away something I could never get back, my innocence. I was only a defenseless child. I can't find peace in my heart. I will start therapy for the second time on Tuesday. I hope that helps. 

LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
Welcome to the group. I am very sorry that this happened to you. It sounds like your mother believed you when you told her and that is good. Her guilt is normal for the situation because she understands it was her job to protect you and she didn't. My suggestion would be for you to not talk to your mother about it and that both of you seek therapy (separately). You both can heal from what has happened and you both deserve to heal.

You wrote "Sometimes my 25 year old self wants to go back and save my child self from all the abuse and it's torturing" and this is exactly what I did during my healing process. I worked with my inner children and part of healing was for me to rescue them (in my mind) from the abuse and then eventually empower them to free themselves from it. If you could find a therapist who understands how to heal trauma by working with your inner children I would highly recommend it. I have found it very rewarding to heal this way and there are few others here who are also doing their healing by working with their inner children.

If you can't work with a therapist right now then please keep coming here and talking to us. There are very caring and compassionate people here who understand what you are going through. You can heal and you deserve to heal from this. You deserve a life filled with love and joy completely free from what happened in your past.
LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
I apologize - you do say that you are starting therapy on Tuesday. I hope you like your new therapist and please ask if s/he does work with inner children.
LookPastTheHurt
LookPastTheHurt
I am so sorry for your experience. I too was abused. It was my older brother. He did things to me and forced me to do things that can only be discussed in therapy. It brought me to a place self-loathing and destruction. It happened from age 9=13. I was not a big kid. He would punch me into submission. I only told my parents when I was 35. They didn't want to hear it. I am 54 now and have almost no relationship with them. I turned to alcohol and drugs for many years. I got sober at 32 and started therapy. The pain never went away until I was able to truly forgive myself and my brother. Once that was realized, my life changed. I still was not close to my brother, but had no problem with being around him at family events (the few i attended). I have come to learn that he abused my three sisters as well. He was a force that damaged many lives. I have not seen him for 5-6 years. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer last month. I called and spoke with him. It was a calm and compassionate conversation. I am flying to visit him in two weeks. That tells me I am free.
justlikemusic
justlikemusic
Thank you all. I will forever be appreciative of the time taken to respond to me. For your shared words, stories and advice. Thank you a million times.
Kricket1
Kricket1
Not so sure joining this was a good idea but im new too. At least your brave enough to talk about it. Thats inspiring.
Goldenhalo014
Goldenhalo014
I was sexually abused by three people very close to me from a small child to I was about 18. One stopped early on and one of them it was only twice and the last one started to make me think that was what we were suppose to do. I knew it was wrong though but he was always so kind, I believe I was a little brainwashed and I was at an age where kids experience sex, I was confused for the most part. After 18 it all kind of stopped. But I think I'm healing. The people who did this are close to the family and if I ever told it would ruin lives. Ill never tell a soul. I'm glad you will be getting therapy. I'm so sorry you went throughout this...but your strong you will survive this!