Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
WARNING - MAY BE A TRIGGER
When my mother touched my genitals she always had a "good" reason. I remember her being odd and intense when she was touching me - now I know that she was turned on. Yech!
(1) When I was 4 she said I had a vaginal problem and that she needed to insert suppositories into my vagina. There was never a medical reason for this. She lingered there between my legs for a long time and was almost being seductive - creepy.
(2) When I was 8 she told me that we had to save money by taking shorter showers and she had to teach me how to wash quickly. She lingered at my genitals for a long time washing me very slowly and watching my face. I was scared and humiliated because she also told me I was getting fat during that shower.
(3) To save money again - I was supposed to learn how to save toilet paper and she had to show me how to wipe myself (this sounds ludicrous but it's true). She again lingered at my genitals and watched my face closely.
At other times she would become giggly about what she was doing. On Sundays she would give me, my brother and my sister enimas all at the same time and she would be giggling - talk about strange. I seriously doubt that all 3 of us were constipated every single Sunday and at the very same time. She clearly was getting a charge out of it.
There were many other times that she would touch my genitals but I only have vague memories of the other times. The most important part of this to me is that she always had that odd and intense thing going on when she would touch me. It was very creepy at the time and it gives me that same creepy feeling to this day.
Was anyone else given nonsensical reasons as to why their abuser had to touch them intimately?
When my mother touched my genitals she always had a "good" reason. I remember her being odd and intense when she was touching me - now I know that she was turned on. Yech!
(1) When I was 4 she said I had a vaginal problem and that she needed to insert suppositories into my vagina. There was never a medical reason for this. She lingered there between my legs for a long time and was almost being seductive - creepy.
(2) When I was 8 she told me that we had to save money by taking shorter showers and she had to teach me how to wash quickly. She lingered at my genitals for a long time washing me very slowly and watching my face. I was scared and humiliated because she also told me I was getting fat during that shower.
(3) To save money again - I was supposed to learn how to save toilet paper and she had to show me how to wipe myself (this sounds ludicrous but it's true). She again lingered at my genitals and watched my face closely.
At other times she would become giggly about what she was doing. On Sundays she would give me, my brother and my sister enimas all at the same time and she would be giggling - talk about strange. I seriously doubt that all 3 of us were constipated every single Sunday and at the very same time. She clearly was getting a charge out of it.
There were many other times that she would touch my genitals but I only have vague memories of the other times. The most important part of this to me is that she always had that odd and intense thing going on when she would touch me. It was very creepy at the time and it gives me that same creepy feeling to this day.
Was anyone else given nonsensical reasons as to why their abuser had to touch them intimately?
My SA experiences are very different than yours but we share the deep scars left by those who abused us.
You mother was in a position of trust and power. I am so truly sorry that she hurt you.
I wish you strength, healing and peace.
((HUGS))
I think it's so sinister to make a child believe that something so awful is really good and then let them grow up knowing that everything they feel or think is wrong. It probably makes it hard to be angry.