I'm so sorry tazgore you're going through this. I guess you held this secret for so long, and now it's just coming out so the pain and grief is natural. You are very brave for opening up to your family, and to us. I've also had times in the past when I would think of what happened to me, and I would lay in bed just crying and hyperventilating. But after I let it out and dealt with it, I found other things got better. Just remember you have the right to mourn for your childhood. It will get better in time when you keep working on it. It's hard work but worth it. Hope you feel better soon. Hugs.

Thank you sunhaven. But right now i am in this resort hotel on another show away from my family. This hotel is full of people, full of cars, full of it's self, full of shit. Everywhere in this room is a mirror and everytime i turn around a see myself. I see this failer. This man who acts like a child. this man who cant control his emotions. I feel so out of controll.

Tears are our way of release pent up stress. I dont cry often due the abuse and punishment I receive if I did. But when I do after I feel a little relieved that it isnt building up inside me anymore. They are a way of you letting it go. You will stop when your brain and body has released what it needs. good Luck and Big hugs

Let your emotions go, cry unti lyou can't cry anymore. It's a release, and hopefully you will feel better...

Generally when I start to cry there doesn't appear to be an end in sight I call my mom or my grandma. We chat and they tell me that I'm loved and somehow I find my way back.

But before I moved away to go to college a good long hug from my mom would help. Personally, I think that hugs are very healing. Sometimes I just walk to one of my friends and them that I need a hug.

Another thing that can help is writing, just write what you feel or what you're thinking. Its a great way to make new discoveries about yourself. Something will come out that you didn't know was rattling around in there.

I hope this helps.

Tazgore, despite what you are saying ... I'm extremely proud of you for opening up. Yes, I know it feels as if the wounds are fresh all over again and you are starting to repeat that same song and dance to yourself about not being 'good enough.' You are a survivor. You have told your story and perhaps whenever you tell it again, it gets a little more real in your mind. Sure, I could recite my abuse by rote to my therapist, but to actually feel the words I was saying was a whole other matter. It's okay to get your feelings out. You deserve that. Tears are okay. Plus, even if you are stuck in a resort hotel somewhere, waiting to do another show ... you can STILL call home, right? Call your Mom. It sounds like she's a wonderful, understanding woman who would be more than willing to let you talk, cry or sputter on the telephone. Tears truly do help the body heal. And remember, we are here to listen anytime too. I am wishing you some peace, sweetie. I do understand what you are going through. Yes, I've been there.

Many soft, gentle hugs to you.

peace and love ... Kyle Anne