Hi, 2beunbroken welcome to the group and here to help and support. I would take your time and be able to feel safe and you do not have to all at once. If you have a counselor or even on here you can share. I would tell only who you feel comfortable. Me I repressed mine and forgot it and it was out of sheer need to talk . . It can be the most freeing and scary at the same time. I did not talk right away about everything. I had my counselor and one other friend I confided in. It is a process and feeling safe. I talked to my counselor , it was nice to have someone to share everything with. She always told me I could share what I wanted when I wanted. If I did not want to share I did not have to. So this is a first step and great for you. So I will be here to support you and pray for you. Take care and welcome to the group. John 3:16

thank you so much! I don't have anybody but my bf he is the only person that knows EVERYTHING! I didn't tell him until about 2 weeks ago and it helped so much ...he tries but I know he just doesn't understand that I have such a hard time everyday is a struggle and I really get tired of hearing that I need to let it go and move on! but thank you so much for making me feel welcomed and I will also be here to support you and prayers as always! thank you:)

Welcome to the group. Talking about the abuse is very difficult and it does take time to trust anyone you do decide to tell. I would suggest that you do find a therapist if it is at all possible. Navigating all the emotions that come up during the healing process can be difficult and a good therapist will help you understand them and will validate how you are feeling.

Take your time telling your story here on DS. You do not have to though. There are many here who have not told their story but they still receive a lot of support and provide support for others. Do what feels comfortable for you.

Take care

Welcome and this site was useful in helping me move on. i hope you like it here and keep talking if it helps. ONe of the first things i realized was that i was not alone.

this is so weird how accurate this is.

Child Sexual Abuse: 6 Stages of Grooming
Grooming is the process by which an offender draws a victim into a sexual relationship and maintains that relationship in secrecy. The shrouding of the relationship is an essential feature of grooming. Forensic psychiatrist Dr. Michael Welner explains the six stages that can lead up to sexual molestation.
By Dr. Michael Welner
Adult and child sitting on windowsill
Photo: Jupiterimages/Thinkstock

the grooming sex offender works to separate the victim from peers, typically by engendering in the child a sense that they are special to the child and giving a kind of love to the child that the child needs.

Different law enforcement officers and academics have proposed models of the "stages" of grooming. Since there are a variety of these models, it's best to think of the grooming by sex offenders as a gradual, calculated process that ensnares children into a world in which they are ultimately a willing part of the sex abuse.

Stage 1: Targeting the victim

The offender targets a victim by sizing up the child's vulnerabilityemotional neediness, isolation and lower self-confidence. Children with less parental oversight are more desirable prey.


Stage 2: Gaining the victim's trust

The sex offender gains trust by watching and gathering information about the child, getting to know his needs and how to fill them. In this regard, sex offenders mix effortlessly with responsible caretakers because they generate warm and calibrated attention. Only more awkward and overly personal attention, or a gooey intrusiveness, provokes the suspicion of parents. Otherwise, a more suave sex offender is better disciplined for how to push and poke, without revealing themselves. Think of the grooming sex offender on the prowl as akin to a spyand just as stealth.


Stage 3: Filling a need

Once the sex offender begins to fill the child's needs, that adult may assume noticeably more importance in the child's life and may become idealized. Gifts, extra attention, affection may distinguish one adult in particular and should raise concern and greater vigilance to be accountable for that adult
Stage 4: Isolating the child

The grooming sex offender uses the developing special relationship with the child to create situations in which they are alone together. This isolation further reinforces a special connection. Babysitting, tutoring, coaching and special trips all enable this isolation.

A special relationship can be even more reinforced when an offender cultivates a sense in the child that he is loved or appreciated in a way that others, not even parents, provide. Parents may unwittingly feed into this through their own appreciation for the unique relationship.


Stage 5: Sexualizing the relationship

At a stage of sufficient emotional dependence and trust, the offender progressively sexualizes the relationship. Desensitization occurs through talking, pictures, even creating situations (like going swimming) in which both offender and victim are naked. At that point, the adult exploits a child's natural curiosity, using feelings of stimulation to advance the sexuality of the relationship.

When teaching a child, the grooming sex offender has the opportunity to shape the child's sexual preferences and can manipulate what a child finds exciting and extend the relationship in this way. The child comes to see himself as a more sexual being and to define the relationship with the offender in more sexual and special terms.


Stage 6: Maintaining control

Once the sex abuse is occurring, offenders commonly use secrecy and blame to maintain the child's continued participation and silenceparticularly because the sexual activity may cause the child to withdraw from the relationship.

Children in these entangled relationshipsand at this point they are entangledconfront threats to blame them, to end the relationship and to end the emotional and material needs they associate with the relationship, whether it be the dirt bikes the child gets to ride, the coaching one receives, special outings or other gifts. The child may feel that the loss of the relationship and the consequences of exposing it will humiliate and render them even more unwanted.


Forensic psychiatrist Dr. Michael Welner has worked on some of the most sensitive cases in America in recent years, from Andrea Yates to the kidnapping of Elizabeth Smart. He is the lead researcher of an evidence-based measure to standardize the worst of crimes at DepravityScale.org. Dr. Welner is an associate professor of psychiatry at NYU School of Medicine and is chairman of The Forensic Panel.

More about sexual abuse
How one family's copes with molestation
Oprah explains how molesters groom children Watch
How far would you go to protect your child?
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Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

I too repressed mine. For a long time the hurt was gone, it never crossed my mind, it never hurt, FANTASTIC! Then I realized it was causing more damaging keeping it in and bottled up. I would have bad triggers and sometimes get a little hateful with people, they would wonder what my problem was, but I dared not tell them. It was not till after my divorce and attempt at my own life that I started therapy, it has been great. I also have a new boyfriend, I tried to hide it from him for a little while, one day I crashed had and it was like he just couldn't understand, I broke down and told him everything, it was a great feeling for him to put his arms around me and try to understand.
I have found that as I write in my journal here and begin to talk to people my heart will decide to let them in or keep them distanced. I leave it up to my heart. You cant just move on and let it go, we are not like the a light you cant just replace the bulb and forget the old one went out. We are like a campfire, when it dies down you have to love and nurse it back to full flame.
Be kind to yourself, there are a lot of wonderful people here, let them fight with you by your side.
Feel free to message if you ever need anyone to talk to.