Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
so i'm sitting here thinking of how much i really want to be dead how much i can't take this that i hurt so bad that i just want to be dead. but then i'm also thinking of how much i have to live for. that i want to have a feature, have a life, a family. i want to make something out of myself, i want to be proud of myself. so then i start thinking why would i want to die. i have more reason's to live but why and i leaning so much closer to wanting to die. then i start thinking, it's not the part of me that want's to make a feature that want's to die but it's the part of me that was abused and was hurt that want's to die. i really do want to live but i don't want my abused part to live. i want that part of me out. that part of me want's to die and the other part want's to live. but why is my abused half soooo much stronger than the other half. why can't i control it why can't i just be happy, why can't i shut the abused half up?
Until you eliminate your triggers, if they are there...you will not be able to heal effectively.
Are you in therapy? Are you taking any meds?
Healing from Sexual Abuse is a Journey...it takes time, and we will always be Healing, but it gets better the further along we get.
Once you release your story, reveal the truth, let the anger out...things should get better.
But, if you are still around your abuser...even if it doesn't seem to bother you, it may be bothering you subconciously.
Unfortunately, you're still 16, and probably still living with your parents.
I hope your parents are supportive of you, if not, that makes it harder on you.
Stay in the Light...Are you planning on going away to College?? Maybe things will be better then.
Catch my Torch of Light...It will Light the Way...***...***...***
Peace~Hope~Serenity
Hang in there, k. Things will get better. Abuse is such a hard thing to deal with. I've been suicidal many times in the past, so I can relate to how you're feeling.
Have you called the suicide hotline before? It's toll free and can be really helpful.
I know things seem unbearable now, but they won't always be this way.
You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, look how far you've already made it.
I know how it feels to wake up every single day and feel like you're reliving a nightmare. You just want to know when the suffering will end.
I wish I could tell you when it will end for you, but I know that it will. Because it ended for me.
Lots of love your way in your time of need. :)
right now their not home. luke and i actually get along but he's not here. mason and i do not and he's who i'm most scared of, but he's not here right now.
i think my dad does, my mom say's she does but i'm not sure if that's true.
yes i'm in therapy, and i'm not taking any meds.
umm i've called them once but i couldn't say anything so they hung up.
I am so sorry you have to live like this. It has to be so hard when your brothers are around.
And, you need the support of your parents, you were the one abused, they need to support you.
Maybe you can have your parents go to some of your therapy appointments with you. They might even benefit going to therapy themselves.
I really think your healing will begin once you move out from home.
Are you planning to go to college? That might be good for you. I would continue therapy maybe as you go to college. You might find yourself in a 'Survivor-Mode' when you enter College.
Until then, please try to cope with this the best you can. Stand strong. Healing is a journey, it takes time...so don't give up.
The abused half will be shut-off I think once you are away from the triggers, and are out on your own, and can heal w/o being triggered all the time.
Once you can release the story, get the truth out, release your anger, get rid of the shame and guilt, and place it on the abuser....it will start to get better.
But when you see them all the time, it kinda sets you back. You need time to heal, and if you want to have them in your life, you need to be further along in your healing, and learn how to deal with those triggers so they don't effect you so much.
Peace-Hope-Serenity
When I'm feeling really shitty and depressed I just think how the first 22 years of my life as being pure crap with a few good times. I had no control of my world and the abuse just happened. But now that I am an adult I have the power to make this part and the rest of my life happy. Happiness just doesn't happen. You really have to work at it. Unfortunately, some of us have to work harder than others.
I know you hate hearing this, but the abuse part of you is an incredible part of you. It will help shape you into a loving and exceptional person. From all of this pain, you will become a stronger person.
Just keep taking care of yourself and do the work so that eventually the abused part will fade and the happy part is in the forefront.