hey hun... im the same way as you!...i would say if there is anyone you want to tell try telling them in the dark.. its sounds funny but the 1st time i ever told anyone i told my best friend at the time in my room with the lights off.. i guess the darkness helped me feel protected.. its worth a shot! here is u need to talk HUG*

TO ME WHEN I WRITE I AM NOT LOOKING PEOPLE IN THE EYE SO IT IS EASIER TO WRITE THEN TELL. BEING SCARED IS NORMAL AND SO IS THE SICK FEELLING IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH WHEN HIS NAME IS MENTIONED OR YOU HEAR HIS VOICE. AS FOR WILL YOU EVER BE OKAY AND HAVE A NORMAL LIFE JUST KEEP WORKING ON IT DEPENDS ON YOUR DEFINITION OF OKAY AND NORMAL I HAVE ACCEPTED THAT BEING A LITTLE DIFFERENT IS OKAY MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON.

thanks... i dont think ill ever be oka ill be that little girl inside forever so there is no point in trying anymore

Believe it or not you are healing right now, your writing is your voice until you are ready to talk out loud. Healing is a process, it takes time, every day matters, it's like taking baby steps, crawling then walking. Do what you can do now, be patient, and when you're ready the opportunity will present itself and you will blossom. A butterfly doesn't get ot's form until it's time has come, it's season. The bible says there is a time and season to everything - that's truth: there is a time to cry / grieve and not utter a word, there is a time to laugh it out, there is a time to talk it out. Don't worry you ar eright on track - if this season is for you to write, then write. Do what works for you. Everybody journey is diiferent. But one thing for sure is this is a great suuport group. Keep emialing, you will be just fine
LOL

wow, i amm the same exact way! so weird!!! i love and feel for you hun because i know how u feel...im srry hun and i think the same way

It's normal to feel like a little child still when dealing with childhood abuse. There is a member group here that focuses on inner child work and healing if you are interested.

http://dailystrength.org/groups/healing-the-child-within

I'm exactly the same way...I can pretty easily write that I was raped or abused but saying it out loud, even when I absolutely have to, takes a few minutes of stammering over the word

It seems to me that I had to write about it before I talked about it. It's been a long time though and a slow process but it has got easier. It was easier to talk to people who had been through it, not so worried about being judged. I can see where talking about it in the dark would be helpful you could hide your face, so feel less vulnerable perhaps. Hugs!

the dark could work but im afraid of the dark which sounds really childish but im afraid if i cant see he can sneak in and i hate it but i have to keep my computer or tv or light on so i can sleep at night and its still hard. the only time im okay in the dark is when someone has my hand or is close enough i know they are there and i am safe and when i talk about it i dont think id want to know they are there im too picky and complicated

I am the same too. I find speaking the words impossible, my brain fogs over and I can't speak, but again I can write. I think it is to do with the fact that when you write, there is a certain anonymity and a feeling that you won't be judged perhaps. Keep writing, the talking may come - I am certainly hoping for this. Take care

The WHY is natural....kinda like if you get reall drung and sick on rum....just the smell of it or a taste makes you back up from it.

It is a defense mechanisum. It is normal. To protect yourself. Wirte it all down then burn it. It helps me sometimes.

same wiht me i cant write it out i cant bring myself to say it out loud