Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I'm just going to pour it out.
I'm a 20-year-old college student, and I was raped several times by a male cousin at age 9 over the course of a summer. He had me groomed by telling me that it was just a game. Combine this with an emotionally abusive father and an overbearing mother and it was a recipe for disaster.
Today I'm hopelessly depressed and I need my medication (30 mg Prozac, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL, Vitamin D, Melatonin) just to be able to function. I'm basically a recluse trying to figure out how to rebuild his own life. Being abused made the process of figuring out I was gay a lot more difficult than it needed to be, and knowing my family, that's a secret I'll keep forever from them.
I feel like every day I'm only alive in the sense that my heart's beating, that I'm just in a living death every day. The only thing that keeps me going is that eventually I'll have a degree in hand and be able to get away from my a**hole father. I'm still trying to accept the fact that I'll never have a normal sex life or a husband because of these issues I have because of what my cousin took from me.
I'm a 20-year-old college student, and I was raped several times by a male cousin at age 9 over the course of a summer. He had me groomed by telling me that it was just a game. Combine this with an emotionally abusive father and an overbearing mother and it was a recipe for disaster.
Today I'm hopelessly depressed and I need my medication (30 mg Prozac, 150 mg Wellbutrin XL, Vitamin D, Melatonin) just to be able to function. I'm basically a recluse trying to figure out how to rebuild his own life. Being abused made the process of figuring out I was gay a lot more difficult than it needed to be, and knowing my family, that's a secret I'll keep forever from them.
I feel like every day I'm only alive in the sense that my heart's beating, that I'm just in a living death every day. The only thing that keeps me going is that eventually I'll have a degree in hand and be able to get away from my a**hole father. I'm still trying to accept the fact that I'll never have a normal sex life or a husband because of these issues I have because of what my cousin took from me.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
Please don't give up on love and finding a husband. Many of us here are married and have very successful marriages in spite of our abusive pasts. I have been married for 18 years to a wonderful man and I only remembered I was abused 3 years ago. I do not like having sex - in fact I have vaginismus which is the inability to have sex - and it has not destroyed my marriage at all. Promise me you will not let your cousin win and give up on love. You CAN have love in your life and be very happy.
If it is possible I would urge you to find a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse. I understand you may not be able to afford this right now but please keep it in your mind that when you graduate and are on your own that you will seek help for what happened. You CAN heal from what happened and you deserve to heal. And when you do heal you will go on to live a full and happy life. The life you deserve to be living.
In the meantime please feel free to come here and talk about anything you feel you need to talk about. What we do here is, when we are talking about details of the abuse, we preface the bad parts with TW (trigger warning) and we sometimes add this to the subject line as well. That way someone who is not in a very good place can decide if they want to read it or not. But please keep writing here because we will listen and help you as best as we can until you find a therapist.
There is also a group on here for gays and lesbians. I am not sure if that is what it is called but if you search for it I know you will find it and probably get lots of support there for your situation.
Take care