Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Ok, I was sexually abused back in 2008. Never reported it because I was scared, finally came out about it but I had absolutely no choice. My attacker moved into the house next door, he filed false paperwork for a restraining order on me (because I refuse to talk to him) told the court that I was constantly sexually harassing him, making sexual remarks to him, I followed him everywhere he went and said I had him scared to be at home. Which is the complete opposite. He's always coming to my house, he comes into my work when I'm working (luckily every time he had come in my boss was there or another coworker), he's constantly following me around, I'm the one scared to be home and scared to be at work. I had to inform my lawyer of the rape so when we went to court the judge knew. I had all the documentation of him messaging me, threatening to harm me, my lawyer has video footage of him coming to my house, my boss and the owner supplied to videos of him coming into my work every night I worked. So the case he tried to build was dismissed. My lawyer requested a restraining order on him for me and the judge asked me if I wanted to pursue rape charges, I refused (because I did not want to have to relive the entire thing or have to deal with it(yes I know I did more damage to myself by not doing it)) so the judge refused to grant the restraining order. Her exact words were well I don't see a reason why there should be a protection order placed if you refuse to pursue rape charges case dismissed. Now everything is to the point where I am never home. I don't want to be home. I just don't know what else to do. I'm scared, I don't sleep but maybe an hour to 2 hours a night, even then it's very very lightly sleeping, I haven't eaten right in the past 5 weeks. I'm scared that he's going to try something again. I just don't want to take legal action to feel safe again. It's just a piece of paper, it don't mean anything. I'm not allowed to own a gun because I've committed suicide before (yes I killed myself but the er Doctor was able to revive me). Any suggestions (other than me moving because we just got the loan to buy my house) on what I can do? Please don't be judgmental I've never asked for help with this situation and I really don't like the fact that I'm asking now but I don't have anyone to talk to, nowhere really to go other than work, I don't like asking for help. I'm more of a hold it in until I snap. I haven't been on here for awhile, I've noticed none of my friends on here have been on in forever either so I have nobody on here to talk to anymore either. I'm just so confused and scared.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
I would urge you to find a therapist so you can start healing from the rape. You CAN heal from it but you have to talk about it and allow yourself to process all the feelings you keep trying to hide inside of you. If you don't process them they will continue to spill out into your life when you don't want them to. Feelings have a way of showing themselves no matter how much we try to hide them.
Take your life back...move and find a therapist. I am sorry if that is abrupt but you deserve to live your life without fear. You really do.
((hugs))
I very much agree with LuckyEmpath that you should have a therapist. A therapist might also be able to explain to the judge that you are not strong enough to go through the trauma of a rape trial right now. I found a therapist by calling the hotline at RAINN.org.
Sending you lots of support to get through this. You have a right to live past this and to have a life free of fear and trauma.
Surely you have considered moving. Well, that is not really going to cure the issue if this man is insistent on stalking you. He knows where you work and your address will always be a matter of public record. You have the evidence of stalking as a reason to secure a restraining order, regardless what that one judge told you.
Although difficult, you may wish to pursue rape charges against this man, however, the statute of limitations may have passed in your state. (why would the judge even suggest that as an option?) but another thought is if you have looked to see if this man has had another other reports of rape, sexual offense, stalking?
What is important is to find a support system with a therapist to help with the life coaching needs. You deserve to be free and not living with the fears and tears, unable to eat or sleep.
I cannot tell you what you SHOULD do. What *I* would do is get a professional army behind me before I go into battle.
Good Luck, Akira! You have support from a number of us here who understand and support you.
However, i advise you to press charges for both rape and stalking. Proving the rape will be much harder, however, the stalking is obvious, you have plenty of evidence for that.
Speak to your lawyer, see if you can get it in front of a more sympathetic judge.
I also suggest that you sue him in civil court for monetary damages.
I KNOW I am not telling you to do an easy thing. I am not happy to tell you to do this.
...However, this is self-defense.
You will need a lot of support to pull this off.