Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I have times when I can't watch movies or tv with even the mildest of love scenes. The past few weeks that is where I have been. Even reading posts about learning one's body and how to be intimate with partners makes me vomit a bit in my mouth.
I feel like I freak. I find myself watching couples and trying to figure out why humans seem to want to pair up. What is the big attraction? It is like I have no ability to relate to the desire to have a mate. At the same time I think I want something like that, but then out pops my "vulcan" side.
Lately my "vulcan" side is winning. It goes a step further with some underlying rage going on (which is very un-vulcan like). Either way I look at people and just shake my head. Why do they want all that nastiness all over them??? Do they really think they matter to each other???
I'm in a rough place at the moment. I do not mean to offend anyone. I just don't feel human these days.
I feel like I freak. I find myself watching couples and trying to figure out why humans seem to want to pair up. What is the big attraction? It is like I have no ability to relate to the desire to have a mate. At the same time I think I want something like that, but then out pops my "vulcan" side.
Lately my "vulcan" side is winning. It goes a step further with some underlying rage going on (which is very un-vulcan like). Either way I look at people and just shake my head. Why do they want all that nastiness all over them??? Do they really think they matter to each other???
I'm in a rough place at the moment. I do not mean to offend anyone. I just don't feel human these days.
I wonder if your strong feelings of distaste is another way of keeping yourself safe? If you don't like people or being intimate it keeps people away from you and it's done on your terms. Keeping yourself safe became so necessary as a child that you developed your own unique ways to keep people away from you. And you are still doing this today. Just a thought....
(Hugs)
I am pretty sure I have a few different techniques to keep myself safe. I had a nightmare where people were telling me my tdoc was bad and I should stop going. The dream mirrored the thoughts I had begun having recently. I have been thinking my friends are jerks. Basically I have been trying to distance myself from anything or anyone I care about. Loneliness and yet afraid of being close.
I've learned that these are habits and habits can be changed. The first step is becoming conscious of what you are doing - which you have done already. And the next step is to change the habit. Change the thought process from 'people are bad and can't be trusted' to 'the majority of people are good and can be trusted'. Then pushing yourself to trust someone and trust yourself that you will not let yourself be hurt again.
It can be a long scary process but if you stick with it you will be rewarded with successful relationships with people again.