Cecil, I'm new to this. Im 45 and guess I haven't felt with what happened to either. It's very overwhelming. Im with yah sista!!! hang in there.

I've been down this trail a long time now and know once you start to deal with these past traumas, it's near impossible to shut it all down. What your experiencing is quite normal, yet hard to deal with. What I felt that helped me was one of the first things I learned was grounding techniques and exercises to keep myself in the here and now. The hard part was doing those things I learned, yet when I did, it helped with the mood swings, the fear and I wasn't overwhelmed as much. Try to be kind to yourself and do some things that you truly like to do, to give yourself some moments of peace and a break. Hang in there, as long as you keep moving forward things will slowly improve. The mood swings will diminish and the pain of the trauma will dissipate once you start to come to terms with those memories. They have for me, it wasn't easy, but now I can look back and be glad I kept going. We're here for you too, Blaine

Hi Cecil, I am so sorry this is so hard. I sympathize with you as I know it can be so overwhelming at times. Although I do enjoy more ups than downs now, I do remember a few months ago I was a wreck. I was barely able to function and found I wasn't living my life at all. But, with time and hard work, I faced all those difficult emotions and got through them.

I believe you said not long ago that you started with a new therapist. How is that going? Is he working out for you?

Take care of yourself. Please remember, as you go through this very difficult time, that it is all temporary. As you work through it all the overwhelming feeling does reduce.

Sending you love and light to help get you through this difficult time.

Cecil, I'm sorry your feeling so crappy. Hang in there. Take a break from talking about your abuse if you need to. Rest a lot and take really good care of yourself just like you would if you were healing from a broken leg or something else. Be easy with yourself. I hope you feel better soon!

CecilBGreen:
You are in my thoughts today - I remember, and still to some degree experience the emotional "roller coaster" that you are talking about. And I also remember trying to work and carry on life while being yanked around by my memories and emotions. It is beyond tough, it can be excruciating. But, I also know you have shown such great strength and concern for others, you have the ability to do the same for yourself. I agree with Walkinbuffaloman - pamper yourself as much as possible. And Is I have said in the past, for many who have gone through this, once this Pandora's box has been opened, it is next to impossible to put the contents back inside. And if you do - as I tried to do many years ago the act of stuffing and trying to locate everything that you want to re-package is often even worse. I do wish it were easier for all of us, but it sounds like you are hitting what I refer to a 'dark valley' when all the bad seems to gang up on you at once and just try to suffocate you.
For me, the only way through the valley was to keep going forward. As hard as that is, with every step bringing it's own feelings of hurt and pain, there is really few other exits, and none that address the problem as permanently as enduring and continuing onward.
You have all my best thoughts and prayers - and the grounding techniques that WBM talks of do help. I would focus on where I was, what I was doing, what the chair I was sitting on felt like, etc. just to remember that I was NOT still being abused.
You are such a treasure - try to see this in yourself, regardless of the pain you may be experiencing at this time.
All my best - vent some if that helps, but mainly pamper yourself at these times. Take care and try to be patient - some times the end of the valley is much closer than you can imagine. Pain does that to your vision sometimes.
Refuse2quit

I often take time away from my review of life memories. Each discovery brings new disillusionment and anxiety. Sometimes it has been very overwhelming for me too.

So I would say to drop it all for a while, you'll know when it's time to take up the quest for truth again. It's not like a book where you have to finish it and find some great resolution at the end, it's a long and difficult process. At least it's been so for me. I don't regret digging through my past, I want to know the truth and come to terms with it.

I don't think keeping it all buried works. It surfaces in strange ways. But the process doesn't need to be rushed, take your time.

SilentSoul..thank you so much for the encouragement and welcome to the group. As you can see there are a lot of wonderful people in here.

Blaine Thank you. The frustrating part is that this isnt my first rodeo. I have told my childhood story more times than I can count. This time it is different because I am finding myself actually in touch with what I was feeling when I was (as a little girl) being abused. I think that all the other times I spoke of it I was just telling a sad story. I am trying to be nice to myself.

LuckyEmpath..My therapist actually seems to be pretty great. He is very validating, supportive and patient but he does ask me some hard questions. It has only been 4 visits and I am seeing some connections between events and behaviors. I guess it is a good thing because I am hoping to lose the behaviors and unwanted coping skills. Its just hard when he wants to know about my hidden little girl and how she felt and feels. It is bringing up stuff that probably wouldnt be brought up if I was working with a woman but I guess that is what I wanted. Note to self: Be careful what you wish for.

Thank you twyliah and RichieI think a break is a good idea. Some mindless TV tonight and to bed early.

Refuse2Quit.Jeezeit *is* a Pandoras Box isnt it? I am not sure what grounding techniques are. Any info would be appreciated.

Carol

CecilBGreen:
Grounding techniques are behavioral practices to help bring you into the here and now and to help you re-focus off of the emotional pain. It is what Walkinbuffalo man and RichieD were both talking about - it is sort of a "time out" from the constant emotional turmoil. That is different than trying to stuff things back - it is more of giving your self an emotional breather in order to help get past the times when you are really too exhausted to continue with the self-discovery.
There are various ways to approach grounding yourself. I am posting a link to a page that describes why to do so and various techniques for grounding.
http://www.bcbhr.org/Articles.aspx?7
So sorry to here you are in a dark time - this time will end, so talk as needed to help you get there. Let me know if the link helps.
Refuse2quit

Thanks R2Q.....I read it over and saved it. I will try it out and see how it works.

CBG:
We used to use an advanced form of this for people who were dealing with severe DID symptoms, in journaling format. As part of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, the clients were asked to keep a DETAILED journal of their day. Directly after they did just about anything we wanted them to write down, in detail, exactly what they did, how they did it and how it turned out. For instance - eating breakfast. They would write down what they decided to eat, why they wanted to eat it and all the prep that went into getting it ready. They they would write about how they felt during and after the meal, were they satisfied with their choice, were they full following the meal, where did they eat it, was there music or a television going in the background - every minutia of their day they could write down. It was shown that it kept people from disassociating by keeping them grounded in the here and now. Most were unemployed or in care facilities due to lack of shelter or inability to function outside of such. Many had self-harm behaviors and this analytic approach of what were you feeling just before you started to harm yourself, during and after, ect. helped them identify triggers and to look very closely at the relationship between emotions and behavior.
But, grounding techniques can be used anywhere and the page I linked you too seems to cover it pretty well.
All my best my friend - a good movie can help too!!! Hope your night goes better!!
Refuse2quit