It is when we learn to allow a feeling to go its course and not fight the emotion is when we begin to heal the wound. For me there were many times at the beginning of my recovery when I triggered an emotion and I reacted to the emotion in the only way my mind knew how. Because I triggered an emotion that was not healed my emotional response was automatic and I would become overwhelmed with the fear, anxiety and sometimes PTSD. It was exactly the same response that I had most of my life. These events or episodes brought me to my knees and were very discouraging. It took some time to figure out what was going on. I realized I had to learn how to process the feelings rather than just suffer with them. It took several weeks to finally put it all together. When I started educating my self about recovery, early on, I learned and believe it was critical to allow my emotion to flow as part of my recovery. I had learned to do that pretty well. What I didnt understand was the need to be actively thinking about my path to recovery. Meaning, once I recognize it was absolutely imperative to put my reactions in the perspective of recovery, my soliloquy changed considerably. I went from having the reaction of simply suffering from it to dealing with my reactions by telling myself at the onset of an episode; I am in recovery and in order to heal I need to just let myself feel the emotions and not fight them and learn not to be afraid of them. Keeping myself conscienally aware of the path I was on changed so much for me. I believe not understanding or applying this will make anyones much more difficult. Doing this allowed me to feel connected and in control. It was like having a coach keeping me on track. Once I had reached this level of skills recovery really took hold. To feel the negative and debilitating feeling and to feel in control was amazing. It was as if my coach was telling me not to hold my arm so close to the fire. Only move when the fire burns down where it is safer to get closer. And when the fire burns out then pick up the ashes and blow them to the wind.

I hope this is understandable because it was very hard to articulate.

Rich
Just Another Survivor: Whole Again.
Posted on 10/07/13, 09:02 pm