Hey you
All I can say to you is I know exactly how you feel. Alone.
I am too ready to talk but it seems I have noone to talk to. All the doctors offer is 4 weeks. So four hours of counselling, they want yoiu to talk about a specific thing only so no point really.
Also they offer appointments from 9am til 3pm everyday and I had a job.
I know what your sayin gabout the trust thing too. I am crazy about it. I accuse my man of everything, its daily too. I dont feel safe nor secure.
Its boring aint it but I still cannot help how I feel.
My partner too feels that I should move on and let go etc. How can we? We need to heal from it first surely.
I really believe that we have to face up to what happened to us, accept it and then move on. Feel the pain first.
If we just forgive and forget and move on isn't that denial.
Your life is going to be affected by your past, its massive what happened to you and we need validation. It is normal to feel the way we do, We need to know and realise that. We have been feeling bad all of our lives and still probably feel bad. We need a bit of care and security. To allow our feelings and to have them nurtured and not frowned upon. Sorry I am waffling on.

Healing does come through struggle, its not sudden. Recovery is work. Allow yourself the time for it.

Big hugs to you and well done for your post. Its hard at times to get things out and admit them but you are on the right path.

Dont beat yourself up.

The issues you both have expressed are normal. And the reactions from your husbands are normal as well. People think the past is done with let it go. Neither one of you metioned whether your memories have just started surfacing or if this is something you have remembered your whole life. Either way, once those feelings of mistrust arise, it is hard to let them go. Might I suggest writing in a journal, daily. Write how you feel about your husband. What you think he is doing. Then go back and read it. I think in time you will see how irrational you are being toward him. I have PTSD and my memories are just surfacing. I had been told to let it go it is in the past. I finally convinced someone it wasn't in the past because I was just remebering it, it is my now. I also think our loved ones don't want to see us in pain and really want you to put it away and let it go. All I can say is keep writing, and if you need someone to lean on I am here for you.

There are no sexial abuse meetings in MN. I would try Emotions Anonymous or Coda. EA deals with emotions in general. Coda helps you feel better about yourself. Somewhere along the way there will be others in your situation. Maybe get into a recovery partner situation where you two (or more) can sponser each other. Once you find the recovery loops they will network to other places and situtaions.

Hi my dear.

I understand the non trusting. I was abducted buy a stranger at gun point and sexually abused for over a week. For many year i couldn't trust anyone but my own family. I was in a local newspaper and it felt to me like it was nation wide. I was afraid to go out in public worried that someone would recognize me and want to get to me. I hated to be touched by anyone. My parent got me into the best therapy that could find. Of course i hated it but i'm not one to give up. Your therapist is correct not to quit. You are in the healing process as we speak. You are on the right track and have made some tremendous progress. Stay strong.

( Hope To Cope ) Scott

It's terrifying getting it all together. something I found out here in the States. Most states have a program.
This one http://www.neighborhoodinvolve.org/index.asp?SEC={595764C4-23AC-40EE-9809-47EB1148C85E}&Type=B_BASIC will offer free counseling and therapy. There are others like it in every state.
In fact, I have been in them and paid anywhere from 0 to 10 dollars per therapy session. they probably saved my life.
As for moving on.. it's hard. I still don't trust 99% of men, and about 40% of women. The past has a lot of impact on my life. I find myself wondering all the time if my child is safe or if I am doing the right thing, etc.
I have days I fall back and am back to the old "ugly" me that hates everyone and is bitter with the world. I have times like right now when I have a ton of hope and can think clearly about life, love, sexuality, and everything else.
It's a struggle, but every small moment is a victory even if it slips through our fingers again. We HAD it that moment which means we can have it again.

You might try catholic charities org as well. Often times if they dont have a program they can help get you the resources you need to get into a program. ANd you dont have to be catholic to get them. I think religion isnt a big part of the outreach programs.

Read. Alot. An amazon search will produce a huge list of books dealing with abuse. The I take the list of ones that I liked and went on my local library website and interlibrary loaned them from other libraries. Within a week I had so many books that helped me NOT feel alone.

When I was in between jobs and had no insurance I received FREE counseling at the YWCA Sexual Assault Crisis Center in my town in Pennsylvania. I liked going thru and receiving help because they specifically counseled rape and incest victims. I tried look in your home town which you mentioned on your profile but could not find a YWCA but maybe there might be one close to you. Or you could call the closest and they would have resources to get you the support you need. I wish you all the best. Counseling is sooooo important. Sexual abuse changes a person. Also any partner who says "Move on, get over it, truly is negating your pain, your despair. Sexual abuse is not something "you can just get over". I have been in therapy for a long time and I now have hope. It took a lot of talking, crying, getting angry over the abuse to heal.

As you can see, you are not alone even though it feels that way. I was abused by my father for many years. I felt trapped,lonely and scared. I kept myself busy for many years so I wouldn't have to face it.i finally made the decision to not let him have so much power over my life. I was thirty seven when I made this choice. We all have to get to this point in our lives or we suffer. It may take counseling,family support or it just may mean that it's your time to decide. Trust is earned but so is deceit. Pls make up your mind to trust again. It will free you of your torture. I'm not saying that it's easy. Everyone is different and our experiences in life in some ways, dictate our behavior. These monsters don't deserve the attention. You deserve to live a good quality,of life.

As you can see, you are not alone even though it feels that way. I was abused by my father for many years. I felt trapped,lonely and scared. I kept myself busy for many years so I wouldn't have to face it.i finally made the decision to not let him have so much power over my life. I was thirty seven when I made this choice. We all have to get to this point in our lives or we suffer. It may take counseling,family support or it just may mean that it's your time to decide. Trust is earned but so is deceit. Pls make up your mind to trust again. It will free you of your torture. I'm not saying that it's easy. Everyone is different and our experiences in life in some ways, dictate our behavior. These monsters don't deserve the attention. You deserve to live a good quality,of life.

There is no such thing as getting over it. Just getting better with it is what we do. share your patterns of escape with DS members so that you can recieve feedback. In return you will begin to relate and learn more about your paterns. That helps with feeling alone and hopeless.

One of the things that help me is this. "Who I am is not who I am. Who I am is who I become". Life is about change and change will happen. What we experienced and what we will experience have and will create feelings which leads to thoughts which leads to behavior. We can become who we were yesterday or who we are right now(which is already gone) or we can experience the changes of new thoughts and behavior by changeing our experiences( future of course).

You are a survivor and a mother/wife. You have shared change with your kids and your husband. Now share it with yourself. I sometimes believe I don't trust people and the reality is no one can trust anyone regardless of their past experiences. What I know for sure everyone hurts everyone wethered intended or not even us.

People will hurt each other even the most loving ones. Thats a fact.
But suffering is a individual choice.

I was raped by a nieghbor also along with my brother. My brother is gay and I became fearful and angry at Gay males. So what did I do? I started to go to gay clubs. I began to meet and enjoy them. When some approached me I just said that im flattered but I'm straight. Most were cool with that and still accepted me into their world. I took a bad experience and found the truth. He was a perverted gay man not all gay are.

I still have other issues to deal with and I will. I'm so glade you are reaching out. Keep going and keep reading. But more importantly experience new and beautiful things. Make your change a beautiful one you can and you will. Mother of five, I wouldn't dare even though I can't because Im a male. Still your strength is grand.

I admire you. Be strong and keep reaching out, keep learning about yourself. Remember this we mostly fear the unknown.

I don't think I can share a lot more than what other have mentioned. Sadly, the resources for affordable mental health care keep shrinking (even if you're insured it's not easy), so it might take some time and effort to find something that is (a) right for you (b) affordable and (c) fits your schedule.

Obtaining a suitable mental health professional was to me as much of a abuse survival process. I found it but it took me some efforts and a few disappointments with overburdened, underpaid unprofessional people.

I am a survivor of a every type of abuse, so I perfectly understand the sadness of finally being ready to come to terms with something and not being able to have anyone to talk, or worse, getting some mediocre, unprofessional counselor.

There's also (I know, easier said than done), the option of maybe forming your own support group. I participated in a group that was formed by a person who felt that couldn't find the support she needed and it was a very successful group.

And then there are all of us here in DS. Your definitely not alone anymore.

proud single momma of a beautiful 6yr old daughter!!!!!! she was molested by her own father. Who has now eluded 2 felony charges based upon they D.A saying she wasn't able to testify. He recently got remarried! I tracked down the new wife and told her of his past so that I would feel no blame or shame if he hurt her daughters. My daughter was almost 3 when I found out. and almost 4 when he was charged. And in december they let him walk. I hold a lot of guilt to what happened to my daughter. She under went 2 years of counseling and I believe she is dealing fine. Im the one left feeling a mess. I can't date, I have to many issues with a man meeting my daughter. I am so afraid that if her own father can hurt her so can any man. But I feel there is hope as she gets older. I want to know did you tell your parents about the abuse when it was happening? What did they so to protect you? If you didn't tell them then,have you told them now? A parents roll is very much a important part of recovery from the abuse. You may feel your parents have no blame in what happened to you,But you may feel different if you talk to them about it. Not saying that it isn't the fault of the abuser. Because it totally is!!!!!!!! I just know that my support was a huge roll in my daughters steps of healing, and her knowing that I had nothing to do with it! Sometimes people find that their parents were fully aware of the situation! My mom found out when I was a baby that her mom was paid by the man who molested her. The family covered up all involvement and the charges dismissed on the abuser. Check your county for a crisis program they may be able to aid you in free counseling!

I read your post an i feel like I am hearing myself. I have major trust issues and while I feel I have found a person who is wonderful in so many ways I can't bring myself to trust him in the way he wants me to. Since what i need seems more than he can deal with I often feel that i should just let this relationship go because it seems to be causing him a lot of hurt and stress because I can't just move on. I don't know how soon he expects this to happen and often I feel that maybe I need to heal on my own. Alone, figure it all out without dragging some one else with me.

I don't know if thats the right decision to make and he feels that its the wrong one, but I feel often that i can't deal with the pain and the hurt and that if it continues I will just rip appart over ad over again. I understand what your feeling, I feel it too. VickyRose struck a deep cord with me when she said we need a bit of care and security to allow our feelings and have them nurtured and not frowned upon. It brought tears to my eyes. I also know though it's hard more often than not to practice that we need to nurture ourselves. we need to love ourselves and give ourselves the love we are not finding from outside. it'shard and something I have not mastered at al lmyself. but we have to try.

Hugs to you. I hope today finds you well and with a little peace in your heart ad soul.

My goodness... I FINALLY figured out how to get back to this site and I read all the replies... I am Soooo grateful for each of your replies. It feels amazing to heat your own stories, advice, support and encouragement... I finally don't feel alone. I will write and reply hopefully tomorrow. I just wanted to send a quick reply and say Thank You and I LOVE this website. Tomorrow I will figure it out on the computer because its tough on my phone.