I'm sorry you feel alone, but glad you came on to this group to get support and not be alone with it. You are both wanted and welcome here!

Healing often happens in stages - we do what we can when we can, and sometimes as we get older we are capable of deeper work, so stuff comes up for us to heal at a deeper level. I hope you can think of your current situation as an opportunity to heal at a deeper level.

It is important to work with a qualified professional. It is very very hard to do this work on your own.

I want to tell you that there is a PTSD support group too, with many survivors of sexual abuse on it. I mention this because although this board is active, if you feel like need a lot of feedback or support you may get more on the PTSD board.

I am sorry you are having flashbacks again and so often. Flashbacks will happen if you have unprocessed memories and, more importantly, emotions. I agree with DW that healing does happen in stages and, for many of us, as we get older we are more capable of doing the deeper work.

I would urge you to please find a therapist to talk to about this. I know you said you have tried and no words come out and that is actually not uncommon. It is very difficult to talk about this stuff. But you could always write down a small portion of your story or just a statement like "I was abused" and hand it to the therapist. Talking about it and allowing yourself to feel all the feelings you are struggling to not feel is what is going to heal you. Permanently heal you so you never have to think about it again. You definitely can fully heal and you deserve to fully heal. Please try talking to a therapist again and give yourself a chance to fully heal. ((hugs))

I have flash backs all the time. Sometimes there is a smell that triggers them, or a comment, or an action that will take me right back there. I don't really have anyone to talk to so I would write it down and rip it up after I was done to kinda help me in that moment. Try to find someone to talk to. For the longest time I wanted to talk to a therapist but I was and still am told that's for crazy people or you need to talk to a Christian blah blah blah. But I have finally decided to push aside everything ppl have been saying and do what's best for me. I hope you can do the same and if you want to talk I'm here. I know how it is to feel like you are dieing inside don't let what happened To you eat you alive. You have help here. Much love and hugs

I feel like all of the above is true. I would like to throw my hat in the ring of welcoming love as well. We are here to help others through their difficult moments, whether that be as simple as a welcome message and letting them know that they will find understanding here, or as deep as an analysis of their situation and suggestions of ways to move forward. I also recommend a professional. Love & Hugs

Im sorry youre suffering with this alone. I too went through abuse and suffered terrible Ptsd. Flashbacks that last a long time after a trauma usually signal signs a person having PTSD. It is common for the trauma, any part of it, to come back in nightmares, body memory, smells, etc. Over time depression, other anxiety disorders, and self esteem issues can often surface but not always. Thats why it is important to get professional help so you can begin the healing and dont prolong the suffering. Therapy can give you many tools to help cope with your past. If you cant find words at first try to find a support group, sit, listen, learn, eventually you will connect and maybe even muster up the courage to do one on one. The number one thing is setting up your supports, opening up and finding those people willing to listen when you need it most. Good luck, please dont suffer alone