First of all remember to breath and know that you are not alone. Noone asked to be on this journey but all of us here definitely know about the guilt and shame you talk about so we will be here to lend a shoulder to lean on and an ear to talk to. Secondly, if you have been on the tablets for more than a month and they are still not working well then go back to the dr and tell the dr that the medication is not doing anything. Anti depressants take a while to build up in the system before they start having any effect. I would highly recommend the book The Courage to Heal. it make take a while but its always good to find a good therapist who knows how to support you as you travel this journey. Finally, its good to find a way to express the emotions that you are experiencing whether this is through music, art, writing, excercise or anything else that you feel comfortable with.

yes i got medication that time, the doctor said it was thru sex abuse
but it dosent do anything, but admittedly the problem was flashbacks
that were being stimulated by keep reliving things. when i didnt want to.
i got past shame as it got violent all you could feel is this hard bashed feeling in youre head, i hope the self harm thoughts fade, i wasnt making a mountain out of a mole hill but self harm was exchanged for others harm, so at the minute im sorta numb still even though it was a while back, but i just ha another episode and it all came back.
but yea theres shame degradation etc, i just used to get in the bath
an tidy myself up an change just to feel fresher at times, and pampered me, inc with the soft blankets an pillows an all that.
an i just use to curl and snuggle underneath, i still do if i get any
upsets again. i know its a horrible feeling i cant stand it either.
i hope you feel better an try not to do anything sillly. even wrist scars
dont look good after my friends had some, they had to wear wrist bands after to cover them. get some tea or coffee and take a break
and try to stay warm and quiet till that feeling goes at least it might help i do at times. its all i can think of long distance even if it is useless
but i hope it helps a little, lots of love xxxx

star755,

I think that meds may be necessary in some cases. I also think meds are prescribed too readily by the health professionals.

And I agree with tyzz27's post. It took three months for the Prozac I was prescribed years ago to kick in. I weaned myself off once I started getting side effects (nervous twitching) and realized that medicating my feelings was not going to help me heal.

What helped me was a lot of therapy...it took me awhile to find a therapist trained to work with survivors.

Lots of reading...The Courage to Heal by Bass and Davis, Resurrection After Rape by Atkinson, Father-Daughter Incest by Herman, etc., etc.

Lots of survivor workshops..Safe Harbors, Bass' work, etc. It's been years since I've gone to survivor workshops so I'm no longer aware of what's out there. I now go to workshops and attend groups that encourage personal growth and self-love.

Lots of different kinds of bodywork...(Google bodywork) for you must discover what works for you.

Lots of 12-step time...Survivors of Incest Anonymous on the East coast and Incest Survivor Anonymous on the West coast.

Lots of journal writing...
Lots of drawing in spite of not being an artist.
Lots of time spent in meditation...daily.

Lots of two steps forward one step back...at first going in and out of denial. Later, teaching myself the life skills I was not taught in childhood and letting go of the dysfunctional things I was taught.

Lots of time training myself to hear the voices in my head. This took two years of practice. I put cards around my house, in my purse, in my car and anywhere else appropriate that said, "What are you thinking?"

Today, I know what I'm telling myself and can change the conversation, refute it or ask for proof. My choice. As for voices of self-harm, it is necessary to ask for valid proof, real proof and with that information, refute those voices.

And lots of time reminding myself to breathe...deeply.

Healing is hard work. And is worth every minute you put into it. It takes time and is a reality. You will fall back into old habits and thoughts and feelings but the only thing that really matters is that you continue to get back up. That you become aware of your thoughts and challenge them and that you let yourself experience your feelings with someone safe...like a trained therapist...that YOU trust.

You may not have a name for the particular healing work that will heal you which is why it's important to go out there and try different SAFE things.

The shame and guilt do not belong to you. They are the rightful feelings of the abuser. I know that is hard to believe when the feelings are so strong, but it's the truth and with more healing you will realize it.

Trust yourself for you are your own best guide.

xx
SuzA