Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Shlay
Shlay
I love my boyfriend with all my heart and I love making love to him. But when it comes time and he wants to touch my chest, I have flashbacks of what happened to me when I was a child. Max, my boyfriend, has come to be VERY understanding. He didn't understand at first and he would get angry. I sat him down and really explained to him what happened and how it makes me feel. So every time, before we do anything sexual, he asks if it is okay for him to touch me. Sometimes he forgets, but for the most part he's wonderful.

I want to get over it so I can enjoy sex... It's just I have no clue how to get over it!!!!!!
josephxc
josephxc
Sometimes it just takes time to get over something. Especially considering what happened to you. You need to just keep going and in time you will be over it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes Joe is right time is what helped me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Think part of the way we overcome the triggers is not by avoiding them or trying to forget, but by expressing the deeply held rage that is surfacing by virtue of being triggered at the memories of what happened to each of us.

Have found it useful that when I am triggered to not try to stuff the memories but to fully rage in a non-self or other destructive way (hitting the couch, throwing an empty jujice container, or smashing it, hitting the couch with a bataka bat or tennis racket, etc). This has been beneficial to some extent in overcoming memories and triggers but it is a process and I am far from great at it but it has been useful.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how you feel this happens to me a lot too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was sexually abused by my uncle. My issue is I put it at the back of my brain and forgot about it. One of my issues is having a hard time enjoying sex with my husband. I haven't told him yet what happened when I was a child. I am talking with a counselor. This is the first time I have talked about. I really want to be able to be able to get past this. I am hoping with help and time it will happen.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Consider reading the book by Staci Haines, Healing Sex and/or the chapters in The Courage to Heal. You may find some different methods in here that allow you to relax and stay present. These have been very helpful for me because it offers ways of getting over it that have helped other survivors. There is also a Healing Sex DVD, which I haven't yet checked out but I plan to. I now feel thirty times more comfortable in my body and with my sexuality than I did a couple years ago.

Something else to consider, it's random but it's helped me a lot, is reading and/or listening to sex positive articles, blogs, podcasts. My blog of choice is by Dan Savage. I also listen to his weekly podcast. It's definitely NOT for everyone and it's for each person to decide for herself, but I offer it as an option because it is something that has helped me and continues to help me think about sex in a natural and positive way. There might be some topics that you are completely uncomfortable with, and in that case I just skip over it. Ask Alice is also another good advice-column that I read.

You'll get to where you want to be one day.