Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I've recently started dating this amazing guy and he knows that I have been sexually abused in the past. I told him that I don't really like kissing because that's one thing my abusers made me do. Now he can't kiss me without feeling guilty because he knows it makes me somewhat uncomfortable. We haven't been kissing at all and I can tell he doesn't like it. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lie to him and say kissing is fine with me. I just don't know how to get over this uncomfortable situation. Should I just suck it up or let him suffer?
the fact that you can talk to your boyfriend about this is awesome. and it's hard for both parties. keep the communication open. you should not have to do ANYTHING that makes you feel uncomfortable. hopefully after some time, you can learn to trust your boyfriend and learn to separate kissing him and the kissing that happened with your abuser.
please talk to your boyfriend. let him know how you're feeling and encourage him to tell you how he feels about everything. it's going to be a hard, long road, but it sounds like you have a good guy to help you down that road. many guys wouldn't stay. it sounds like your boyfriend really likes or even loves you. and that shows.
I know how it is. My boyfriend has had to be really patient with me, too. And I've learned that failing to tell him the stories of my dark past can have negative results. He yelled at me horribly for asking that he stay home with me for a St. Patrick's Day meal I was preparing instead of getting drunk with his friends. He accused me of making him feel guilty, until I finally lost my cool and told him that I don't like getting drunk or being around drunk people because the man who raped me was a drunk, I used to drink to forget my woes AND my mother was once an alcoholic. Once that message got to him, he silenced himself, hugged me and said sorry.
So, communication. :) A key thing. Give yourself time, especially since it looks like your fella is willing to wait for the moment you're a-okay with kissing.
Hey, maybe you can even start small? Tell him he can kiss your cheek, or hand to help you get used to the idea of his affection. Only if you're comfortable with it, of course. Just a little idea I randomly had.
I wish you and your relationship the best! You have a good guy, my dear.