Sexless Marriage Community Group

This group is for those people who find themselves married to a partner who has little or no interest in having a sexual relationship. This can be very painful for the other partner and leave them feeling rejected, unloved and unwanted. This is a group to provide support for this very painful and very private issue.

421 Members

306 Posts

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veggiequeen 02/07/2020

I know there are some who were here long ago and occasionally show up... as well as some who just come when they don't know where else to turn. I think some just get it all out and don't bother to come back-- others check back but with no response in a short time they disappear too.

Most of you who may still be around know I recently lost my husband, so technically am not in a sexless marriage anymore... but at this time still am sexless (except for damn toys. ) Much as I am getting the sex on the brain back, I am not planning on hopping from bed to bed. Not who I am or want to be. And even though it has been so very long, with all that has just happened, I need to get myself together first. So I , for one am still here. Is there anyone else out there yet???

Thanks for letting us know if you are.

Kim

veggiequeen 02/08/2020

For anyone new...I was married for over 17 yrs, but for more than the last 12 I had very little communication, no affection, physical touch (except an occasional peck here and there) and absolutely no help of any kind. My husband shut down both emotionality and physically and expected me to do the same.
For me, it was no way to live.

Kim

sexlessisok 02/12/2020

As part of the roll call - married 20 years, 2 teenagers. My marriage has never been a sexual one. We have been sexless years now but have rediscovered closeness and non-sexual intimacy. My wife's sexual desire is only flicked on by the dynamic of New Relationship Energy (NRE), which is why when we were dating we had a great sexlife, which quickly flopped after marriage.

MermaidSplash 02/19/2020

I didn't realize that NRE was a thing that people have defined and explored. I will have to look into that. I think I may have experienced something similar with my partner too (along with health Issues) which made it confusing when he stopped showing interest in physical intimacy.

Lacy1517 02/21/2020

VeggieQueen my condolences on the loss of your husband. This must be a confusing and painful time for you. You’ve been the caretaker of him for so long. Often caretakers feel guilty for feeling a sense of relief after the huge weight has been lifted. I’m not saying you are experiencing this, but as someone who has, I just want to say that it’s completely normal and no one should feel guilty for feeling that way.. My heart hurts for you. and all that you are going through.

veggiequeen 02/21/2020

Lacy-- Thank you. And you are right I am having incredible guilt.

veggiequeen 03/04/2020

I am checking in here again. I notice a few people join but then disappear.... Just to let others know--- I am still around and checking in. (But all I notice is cobwebs. lol)

Hugs to all who are still stuck in their sexless marriages ( or dry spells) Kim

Lacy1517 03/04/2020

Hi! When things are going really well in my marriage, even though we’re not having sex, I tend to avoid the site as a way to stay in my happy place. Better put, I try to ignore our sexlessness is a problem and just be happy being together. Avoidance isn’t always an option, so during those times I get quite depressed and tend to visit the site more.

Hopefully you are hanging in there, Kim. You’ve been through so much.

veggiequeen 03/04/2020

That I can understand. I wish you many more of those happy times. (and will still hope for things to improve even more for you)

Thank you. I am doing better these past few days (did have another meltdown before that but am trying to stick to my plan of feeling better, getting healthier . ) In doing that< I have found more strength and energy and I'm afraid I am a bit more rowdy right now. haha (I am still behaving as there is noone yet to tempt me. ) one of these days though.

jeffneedshelp 03/06/2020

I’m still here. Sexless in SoCal.

Curmudgeon 04/05/2020

I'm still here. I check in occasionally, but mostly just lurk. Some days I think I have reached acceptance, but some days are filled with pain and sadness over what has been taken away from our relationship. It feels like grieving the loss of a loved one and I have gone through many of the classic stages...denial, anger, depression, bargaining...and hopefully, some day, I will be able to accept what is. Anyone have any idea how long that will take...?

veggiequeen 04/05/2020

I would say for me when I did "accept" it (and a lot that was missing from our relationship) the resentment and anger continued to grow. I just tried to take care of myself and not take it personally (which is impossible to do in my book)

I wish you the best and hope maybe things may change for you. Does she know how you feel and how much it would mean to you to simply feel loved and wanted again?

Curmudgeon 04/05/2020

I have tried and tried to explain it to her. Her standard response is to 1) get angry 2) tell me it's all my fault and 3) Cry until I give up and go away. At my urging, we have been to multiple councilors (including a sex therapist). She goes a few times and then says "This isn't working for me" and quits. She has made it clear that my pain is my problem and I should not bother her with it. She has no interest in sex and clearly expects me to accept that.

veggiequeen 04/05/2020

sadly, my late husband was the same. it put an extreme burden on an already uneven relationship. i stayed, but was extremely unhappy and had to look elsewhere for the understanding and affection that had disappeared..
one thing to remember is it is NOT your fault. Those who have the issues and no longer want or need sex are all too ready to blame us. We have one problem--we still want and need to feel that connection and know we are still sexy and desirable.
hugs, Kim

monumentguy 04/06/2020

Hi Veggie, I was in this group a couple of years ago and chatted with you a little back then (actually, we wrote a little erotic fiction together). So you're single now, huh? Is it any better? I hope the grass is greener on the other side and that you're getting some long lasting needs met.

monumentguy 04/06/2020

I'm sorry, I just saw that your husband passed away. I know things weren't great between you, but I'm so sorry for your loss even so.

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