Good question....I'd like to know the answer to that too. Maybe some ex-porn vet will be able to help you out with that give some knowledge.

I got answers to this question when I posted about a year ago, so you will here from ex-users. In my husband's situation, his first reaction to idea of not masturbating was panic. But he realized that he needed to disengage from the mental images even if he was replaying in his mind rather than going online. Then he was realizing that he really used porn to kill time or when he was bored. So he substituted that with getting involved with our local community radio station & joining a fantasy sports team with guys at work.

Now he tells me that masturbating is too much work without porn. He wonders if it is due to getting older. He isn't worried about function because he does fine with me. A little smooching & he is ready. He feels healthy & good about this response.

I wonder if the trauma associated with porn addiction has created his difficulties. So it is a matter of healing maybe.

I like what Abbie said about her husband and the substitutes he enlisted to help him. I've been trying to be aware of my triggers (and there are many). One thing I noticed is that a lot of times my urges pass as I observe them. I just try not to act on them while it's going on. Personally, I don't think I'll ever be person who never masturbates. I just don't want to be compulsive about it. Congratulations pobevin.

Pobe,

As someone who has been sober for 4 years, I would phrase it as okay or not okay but as healthy or unhealthy.

At the height of your addiction masturbation became compulsory thus extremely unhealthy. Since you are only a month into sobriety, I would be remiss to say that you should resume it.

It took me a better part of a few years before I could resume it and when I did, it was not that I missed it or hugging a long lost friend but as an activity to remind me that I was a sexual being.

However, I do not always do it, on average I probably engage it once a wee, many times weeks go by and I do not do it at all.

The key here is to ensure that 1) You do not fantasize or replay porn images while you do it and 2) That it does not become compulsory again for you.

The way to gauge it would be to be able to occasionally do it and that is NOT a need. That if you were to never do it again, it would be fine for you. However, engaging occasionally would be good for your prostate health if you are single and devoid of partners.

Hope this helps,
Wolf

It is in my opinion that masturbation is a selfish act. It pleases only that person who does it. It eventually leads to more abusive and more destructive behavior.

Hi,

I am very confused on this matter, since I am in the middle of a horrible relationship with my husband that claims to be in recovery and claims he has not masturbated since June 2013.

From a woman who has been hurt and betrayed, I think that if a person claims addiction, a little of the substance is not healthy... you wouldn't let an alcoholic have a drink or a cocaine addict take one more hit. It would start the path of destruction once again. Have sex with your spouse instead - it will foster companionship and IMO will make her feel like you want her and are NOT seeking out porn, real or imaginary.

Hope it all works out for you.

I believe masturbation misses the point of sex. Sex is meant to bond us with our spouse and open the door to new life. It is not meant to merely provide physical stimulation.
I've heard some talk about masturbation as a way of loving oneself, but I believe sex was meant to unite us with another, not to enhance our natural preoccupation with our own desires.

I think of an episode of "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" in which teenaged Will falls for a wealthy girl and takes it as a sign that she feels the same way when she gives him a very expensive watch. He later learns that she gives those watches out to pretty much everyone, completely destroying the meaning he'd attached to it.

Sexual activity outside of marriage, whether with another or one's own hand, is similar. It takes something that was meant to bring to people together as partners for life and turns it into something of far less significance -- pure pleasure, or perhaps a milder form of affection. Once it's intended meaning is taken away, it's very difficult to restore that meaning when the time comes.

Dlansky that was a great response, read that twice

Thanks, candycin. I wish I just wish I could go back and edit out my typos (it's/its)!

I can't advised you whether to or not..it's your decision BUT before you do you have to realise WHY we masturbate, seek illicit sex or take drugs or booze. All these are linked into one reason.
Inside our brain (not our genitals like we usually think) there is a "'pleasure thermostat"'..on the website "'Inner Gold"' it's referred to as The Hedonic Setpoint.
OK, when this thermostat is set LOW we achieve happiness from simple things in life and the act of bonding with aloved one (whether spouse or child) is natural.
We go outside and (excuse me for sounding romantic here) we look at a sunset and we feel joy..we read a great novel or listen to music and we get happiness.
We feel pleasure because our brains are infused with chemicals like Dopamine, Oxytocin, Glutamate and a memory of the event is forged through the interactive event.
OK but here comes the stressful part--
BUT when we engage in an illicit act in isolation whether it's taking drugs, boozing, going with hookers or masturbation the pleasure thermostat is flash flooded with so much of those chemicals that NO amount of pleasure will bring happiness anymore.
After a period of habitual masturbation if we go out and seek that sunset or good music or even pleasant company of our spouse & kids we will feel depressed , flat, irritable, angry and very nervous.
This is because the high jump bar has been raised and only another BIGGER shot of the brain chemicals will suffice.
So we go back to harder porn, more hookers, harder drugs etc and it's like a cat chasing its tail. The brains primal limbic system is awoken and it's a prehistoric monster.
We chase an elusive high. Depression, self hatred takes over and this can lead to suicide (it has done many times).
When we STOP flash flooding the brain with chemicals it heals...the pleasure thermostat re aligns itself within weeks or. months and in a year or two the recovery is amazing. Even if we quit for a few days and make the periods of abstinence longer each time you'll notice the difference. The body is waiting to heal! Soon again the person feels relaxed and the sunset will make him/her cry with happiness.
Why seek to torment ourselves & others with our bad choices?
I can't tell you what to do..it's your choice
Thanks to ''Inner Gold'' for this info..it's an amazing site on youtube.

..may I also add....FEAR , Depression, social anxiety, loneliness, EVERY primal instinct and basic survival nightmare will also take hold..WHY? Because the same Limbic System in our brain that controls all these Neanderthal emotions ALSO are linked to over stimulation of our sex drive. All our inner energy goes out to the addiction and we are sapped like a squeezed lemon!
So we begin to act uncomfortably around other people..we may appear odd..we may shy away from social events or our family choosing isolation & masturbation or chasing hookers to anything creative , loving & worthwhile.
We may suffer massive panic attacks or phobias..all of this because of our Limbic System is ruling and the pleasure thermostat is out of synch with reality.
Some of these things happened to me many yrs ago when sex addiction as unheard of , I battled through instinctively and it was VERY hard and I'm still analysing asking "'Why?"' but luckily the answers are here now...I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
Is masturbation worth it? To me ..I'd rather appreciate a good sunset..it lasts longer and is relaxing & less messy.
Please choose the right way. The new generation is going to go through worse hell because of the chemical flooding at their fingertips...millions of images flooding the limbic area in secs.
Take care pobevin.