I suppose it depends how he acts out on it.

HUGE trigger warning people, but I want to let this person know about us and not sugar coat it. You've been warned.

For some of us, "sexual addiction" means that sex partners are like potato chips, we can't ever stop at one. So even IF he loves you sincerely, he will be trolling on craigslist, backpage, other places for women, men, transsexuals and bisexuals to have casual hookups with. If he's one of these and still acting out, I'd say DON'T get involved. Those of us at this point are train wrecks.

When we are the ones that need lots of partners in person, we will lie, we will sneak off, and you will be left alone when you need us most. I've been there, and I still feel awful about what I put my significant others through. I loved them, cared about them, but I also thought I needed the validation and approval of strangers by making them feel pretty damn good to be honest. It sort of looks like Quagmire on family guy, but inside we're desperate to feel like people like us and we only know one way people LIKE US FOR SURE.

Some of us are porn addicts, and spend more time than we should watching porn and masturbating to it. There's a lot of shame and guilt on our side of it. BUT let's be honest, if that's how he acts out, he won't cheat on you and won't be THAT distracted from the relationship. YES, we can spend 3 or 4 hours some days watching sex and masturbating until we can't go another time, but have you ever known a sports junkie that spends 6 hours a sunday watching football?

It's not that different from the point of view of someone dating us. The guy isn't watching football because he really doesn't really love his girlfriend. There's just this other thing he does too, and feels weird and unhappy if he doesn't do it.

Right now, I am a porn addict. Compared to the other way, it's better. If he's one of these, and you can accept that every once in a while he needs a few hours of alone time, maybe get involved. Porn is free, so it's a cheap hobby unless he's dumb enough to pay for it. But if it makes you feel like it's somehow YOUR fault, it won't work.

Now some of us are somewhere in the middle, we get addicted to watching live performers, which gets VERY EXPENSIVE. Don't date anyone with expensive addictions. Crack, paying for porn, paying for hookers, gambling... all will end up in a train wreck.

Some of us are exhibitionists and get people to watch US on line. That's also going to mean he spends time alone away from you, but at least it's free. So if that's his thing, if you can tolerate it, just remember it's not about YOU it's about him.

Like any other addiction, it can be overcome but it's a LOT of work. Most addicts find quitting to be a lot of work and try to negotiate with the addiction. and to be honest, some can. If this guy starts missing work for his addiction of doesnt even SEE you for 2 days, he isn't negotiating with his addiction. (Full disclosure, I worked on WHY I was an addict, got myself down to where my porn addiction is about as much as most people watch TV a day, and since I hate TV, I figure I have it just about manageable.)

All this is VERY weird to someone who isn't a sex addict and if any of what I said was helpful, I dont mind private messages to answer more detailed questions.

Dani,
admitting he is a sex addict was huge for him BUT what is he doing in his recovery? How long has he been sober? If its a short time I would run for the hills, I am married to a SA, and have been for together for 23 years, I found out last year. Its a rough,painful journey. If he has been in recovery and sober and isn't acting out at all....perhaps but yikes...

Dani,

I actually just met a man about 2 months ago who admitted to me in the first two weeks about his addiction. He told me everything, details that I wouldn't feel he needed to , but he told me anyway. He has been in recovery for 2.5 years and I can tell is in a pretty good place. We talk about his meetings and daily triggers he might be having. It is very much a part of our relationship. He recently had a set back, with me actually and it's been a pretty rough week as he feels like he needs to back up emotionally from me to get back on track to being sober. I've ordered the white book to read for myself and this week I'm going to my first SA Support meetings. If you're serious about this man, it will be hard and it does really all depend on where he is at in his recovery. Like one of the others said if he isn't doing anything like meetings or counseling, I would seriously think about if you want to have that stress and pain in your life. But if he is trying everyday, I think it would help to learn more about this and try to help be a part of his recovery. At least that's where I'm at now, I hope that helps.

Are there trust issues already? What is it that you don't understand?

I think "taking it personally" is the main, and hardest, thing to not do.

That is to say, don't automatically interpret acting out to mean that your partner doesn't love you and/or wants to replace you.

Nobody likes finding their partner in "an affair" with someone else, and being involved with a sex addict significantly raises the odds that someday this will happen. If you can't accept the risk, don't take the bet.

To build trust, spend as much quality time together as possible. There is no substitute. To build understanding, listen actively. Expect the same of your partner. If they don't, dump 'em.

As the spouse of a recovering sex addict, I had to look inside myself an ask myself what was the attraction initially. Through lots of therapy I realized that I was a co-dependent and I had this idea that I could change this person. Of course, in doing so for many, many years I totally neglected myself along the way and he never changed any way until I got so fed up I told him to leave.
In any event, this could be you. So before you commit, understand what you are getting yourself into and why.
Read "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse" by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means. It will give you great insight into this world and perhaps will help you make your decision.