I think one positive change you might make is to throw out the word 'normal' in all uses. I think that part of what makes changing so hard is that we don't entirely accept who we are at our worst. Fuck the word normal. Nobody is normal. We are only more or less effective versions of ourselves.

There is a part of me that had to accept the fact that I was a porn addict, and not judge it to be a bad thing, but simply judge it to be something that is keeping me from being the best that i can be. However it came to be i no longer care about - that it is MINE now and needs to be dealt with is the rub. I'm not ashamed any more and this lack of shame has made me more resolute in trying to heal.

Same with gender branding and you being expected to be able to control it better. the hell with that. I think a very healthy thing is to look into the mirror and say to yourself, i'm fucking weak, and i have a very hard time not using my drug of choice. But that this is YOUR problem, and that you accept it as such, and to hell with whether it is normal for girls, or whatever. This is the way you are now, good, bad or indifferent - in addition to the many great things about you. OK, fine. You are complex (both good and bad). Now where do you go from here?

i feel like we spend so much energy hating ourselves for being what we are that we have very little left over to actually change. Instead of wishing you were stronger than you are, accept that you are not, and each day, try to be just a little stronger...

And be proud of yourself for trying to be a better person, rather than just giving up like so many people do.

Hope this helps.

j

It does help, thank you. I want to put my mind in a more positive place so maybe I can get somewhere this time. Yesterday was a shambles.

Hi, goodgurl.
I have felt the same way so many times. It seems that porn/masturbation/sexual addiction, etc--all of it is taken for granted for guys as normal. However, I have always felt that if people knew this was something that I struggled with, I would be rejected by them--they would think I was a pervert. I still struggle with that in a lot of ways. It's hard for me as well. There is definitely a double standard against women in this area. I think it does make it harder to find support, and I think that this struggle for women is somewhat different from the struggle with men.
I, too, feel powerless over it and have been going through a rough patch right now. I wish that things were different, and I am working toward that, but it takes time, effort, and lots of shaking myself off, getting back up, and keeping going.
I hope that this place can help you in your struggle.
Take care and God bless,
goofball