Hi siver,

What we do in therapy is Gestalt Chair work. However, if you have a history of sexual abuse or extreme physical abuse you should only do this with a trained therapist.

The chair work, or symptom reduction work, involves sitting across from an empty chair and visualizing the person you are angry about. You tell them from the position of a functional adult how angry you are at what they did to you. This does not mean behave like an angry teen ager and use the F bomb every other word. That is rage. You want to use controlled anger.

When done correctly, it is very helpful in reducing these episodes over time. After a few sessions with my therapist, I am not able to do this "on the fly." I do it in my mind whenever these issues come up.

Again, don't do this alone at first.

Another thing to do is go to a meeting where you can be affirmed. Talk about what is bugging you and then go shake some hands or give some hugs.

Your seeking extreme activities is a search for intensity. That will not last, just like any other high.

BTW, are you in recovery? You said "sex addict moment." Does that mean you don't know if you are really a sex addict?
W

These are overwhelming feelings. This comes from Adult-to-Child Carried Feelings.


Facing Codependency, by Pia Melody, P 40.

Children obsorb feelings such as shame, rage, fear, and pain from the adult who is abusing them. This feelings remain winthin the person into adulthood and are called "carried" feelings, because they've been carried forward from childhood. The process by which children take on feelings during abuse is explained in chapter 6. WHen you are having this form of codependent feeling reality, you feel overwwhelmed and out of control.

Because there are four kinds of emotional experiences. in an adult codependent, learning to recongnize the difference is an important part of recoveyr. Although you might experience a great deal of pain, it may not be adult pain coming from your thoughts today. It might be adult induced pain from someone close to you, frozen childhood pain now thawing, or carried feelings from childhood. Learning to evaluate wheather you are experiencing being centered, crazy, vulnerable and childlike, or overwhelmed and out of control will help you sourt out which of these four experiences you are having.


The reason I quoted this is to encourage you that your overwhelmed feelings that cause you to be so numb that you want to do crazy making things to yourself comes from your carried feelings that you got during abusive situations from your childhood. The adults were giving you their shame. It is now yours to care for yourself. To nurture yourself.

This is a very painful method of coping with these overwhelming feelings.

Sit in a soft chair, turn off the lights, light a candle, and sit. Do nothing. Just sit. Let it hurt, be afraid, be angry, but just sit. After a while you will discover that the little child in you that was so painfully abused and had no possible way to cope is there asking you to hold her and understand her pain like noone in the world can.

Boy does it hurt to do this, but afterwards, there is true healing and peace. Knowing you esteem (value, hold in high regard, think highly of) Yourself.

Hang in there!!

Hey Silver,

I found that reaching for a healthy source of endorphins did wonders for me early on in my first steps towards recovery. I started to run this past May. Not fast, and not far...but enough that I got a work out.

Not only was it a healthy source of endorphins, but it also allowed me to really think about things - meditate - for those 30 minutes. I started with a goal of 3 days a week.

It worked for me - it may work for you.

Good luck,

-M

Sober: I think I will try this chair work technique sometime soon. Its doubtful that I will do it with someone else around. I dont feel like I can express my emotions with other people around; if I really want to feel and not hold back, I will end up doing this alone. Thats okay though, Im fine with that. I dont really understand why everyone (therapist, books, you) keeps saying, you need someone to support you because this is going to bring up a lot of bad feelings. As if I want someone else around when Im feeling bad; is it strange to want to be as far away from people as possible if I am to feel?

Im not sure how you define being in recovery, but I am certainly trying to control my behavior and avoid anything that is not healthy sexually. I dont know about actually going to a meeting. I think DS will be as far as I go with this. I feel like attending just a meeting could be dangerous for me. Yes, I know I do have a sexual addiction. I just dont always feel it. Im dealing with a lot of things. Some days I feel like an incest victim, some days I feel like an incest survivor, some days I feel like and abandoned child with emotional issues, some days, Im too codependent. And some days the sexual addict is what stands out. This just means that when I posted, it was a sex addict moment.

Choose this Day: Thank you, this is helpful. You are right. Sometimes I would like this to be simply a physical issue, but I know the emotions are driving me. I want to say that feeling these things just give me the endorphins I am craving and that perhaps should stop giving into the negative emotions, but everyone seems to think it is important that I allow myself to feel, so Ill trust in that. Its just, feeling the stuff really sucks!

MC: I actually turned my walk today into a run. I havent ran in years. Which I admit, is mostly because I feel uncomfortable with my body (I stopped running when I developed breasts). I actually enjoy being athletic, but am embarrassed to exercise in front of people. Fortunately I ran when no one could see me. Im going to try this more often as I really do believe exercise is helping.

What about transcendental meditation? It is very expensive to learn the technique, but boasts to be a healthy source of endorphins. Has anymore here tried or considered that? Id be curious to know if it is helpful.

Oh, and, no longer biting me finger it passed. Thanks.

Why did the guru refuse novacane when getting dental work? ....

Because he wanted to trans-end-dental- medication.

Sorry. :-)

Silver,

Well, it certainly does not sound like you are in true recovery. Most people enter true recovery when they have hit rock bottom. Since you say you are trying to control your behavior then you have not yet surrendered to recovery, surrender to a higher power. Until then, there's not much anyone can do.

Also, I again suggest you not try the chair work alone. It will either not do much or bring up some strong emotions you are not yet ready to deal with. I regret mentioning it and I apologize.

Good luck.

Well Sober, actually, it isnt that I didnt hit rock bottom or surrender to a higher power It is just that I didnt know what constitutes being in recovery to someone in a program. Ive never been in a program, and Ive sure that there is a prerequisite for someone who is. There is a journal about this on my page; its the oldest journal (written in October). Its very personal and a little wild, but its all true and makes a great story.

Why are you sorry you mentioned the chair work? Ive been dealing with catastrophic emotions its okay.

Hi Silver,

I asked my T this question too.I have several answers and is may get long...

I hope Inam explaining this right but here it goes...

When doing chair work, especially if you are good with meditation, the situation can become very real, as if you are reliving the trauma all over again. This goes much deeper than just remembering. When we experience this type of trauma we most likely will begin to dissociate and disconnect from the experience. The more we dissociate the more likely we are to develop Post Traumatic Stress symptoms. without a therapist there it is very unlikely you will recognize that you are dissociating. I believe just the fact that you relive this trauma through your current, agitated state is proof enough that when you
originally experienced the trauma which causes you to act out you in
fact did dissociate. And when you act out this type of acting out is called trauma repitition.

So in essence if you do chair work alone without a T to guide you and pull you out of any dissociative state you are almost guaranteeing that you will set yourself up to relive the entire trauma once again. Only now instead of your current state of PTSD you will have amplified that PTSD to a much higher degree.

If you find your current state now unbearable just imagine how much worse it could be.

I hope you do not do this alone.

Lorilou