Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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cindy666 09/18/2007

I have posted before about my 'relationship' with a European man online. I joined this site in June because I was wanting to break free of it, but I am still involved. In Oct., it will be a year. That is a year where I have let things go around the house, skipped events with my husband and son...indeed, paid less attention to my family in general. I have stupidly sent photos. The ones of my body do not show my face and the ones of my face do not show my body. However, I idiotically sent one of my face, holding up a beer bottle and a second with the beer bottle you-know-where. You can see the same nightshirt in each photo, so if they were put side-by-side, you'd know it was the same person. Yes, I had consumed a few beers, but what possesses an otherwise rational person to do something so stupid? He is pressuring me to send a pic of 'all of me' (face/body in same pic). So far I have been strong on that issue. I almost wish he would meet someone else and 'dump' me, as I fear dumping him in case he gets angry and lashes out with the photos. I don't think he would...and he says he deletes the naked ones, but I am really scared that he could ruin my life. Has anyone been in a mess like this? I need saving from myself.

deleted_user 09/18/2007

Why do you think he would, or even could, lash out? Does he have all kinds of personal information about you? Like your last name, home address, etc.

If he doesn't and you want to stop, then stop! I have not seen your previous posts, so perhaps you have a good rationale that I don't understand. He could have met someone else and having another online relationship. You don't know! And, as for rational people doing stupid things, we all do things we wish we could take back, things that are out of our character. It doesn't make us bad, it just means we're looking for something that fills a certain void in our lives.

So far, you've been strong on the issue of not sending him a full photo of yourself? Do not send him any more pictures. Ever! If he can't understand why, then you have to wonder what his motivations are. I certainly do.

deleted_user 09/18/2007

Just change your ID's and de-activate the ones he uses to contact you. This may be hard but it removes all traces of you. I have had to this to start anew. It is like cleaning away the baggage.

deleted_user 09/18/2007

I agree I have changed my password on Yahoo Messenger account by typing something completly radom the copying it and pasting it in the two place you need to to change a password...then immediatly copying something else so it is gone for good.

Problem for me is after a while I wind up BACK on yahoo messenger with a new profile building up a new contact list

deleted_user 09/18/2007

Hey Cindy! I remember your previous posts about this man. I can relate to your situation. I don't know about the relationship between you two but speaking from experience, if he wants you to send naked pics of you, it's never a good idea. I understand you've sent some already but I doubt he'd use them against you. Has he ever threatened to use them against you? Anyway, this emotional affair will ruin your marriage as I am sure you know. Rational people do fucked up things all the time. We're human. We make mistakes. When we don't learn from our mistakes and keep doing the same exact thing expecting different results, that's when there is a problem. Let him go Cindy. It's going to be one of the hardest things you've ever done but for your sanity and your marriage(assuming you want to stay married), let him go.

cindy666 09/18/2007

He has never threatened to use the pics; in fact, he says the opposite. That he never would. I have OCD, tho, and it is my nature to worry. I almost wish he WOULD meet someone else and dump me. Then it would be out of my hands. As for personal information, we have phone sex whenever we can. He phones my home number, which is listed. He could have my husband's name and our address in 2 minutes. Another stupid thing I did.

Thriver 09/19/2007

Is this man as vulnerable to you as you are to him? Has he sent photos, do you know his home address, real name, etc?

cindy666 09/19/2007

LOL, no, he is much smarter than I am. I have a name for him, but don't know if it is real. Other than that, I know nothing. That's what I mean...I'm an idiot!

cindy666 09/19/2007

One of my friends on here suggested that the pic thing might be a control thing on his part. Wanting to know that he has the power to get me to do something I'm uncomfortable with. We do some submissive/dominant roleplay and he commented once that I wasn't really submissive because I wouldn't send the pics of all of me that he wanted. So I suppose that is possible, too. He also likes to tell me to do something, like masterbate in my car where people could possibly see me and then have me tell him about it.

I am proud of myself today. I generally get up at 4 am to see if he is on IRC and today, I didn't. Seems like a small thing, but I normally become anxiety-ridden if I don't get up. Even if I am not technically a sex addict (I do like porn, tho), I am addicted to this man and cybering with him.

deleted_user 09/19/2007

Cindy, if you are addicted to him, and you can't stop doing this, you may actually be an sex and love addict. The porn thing might just be a part of it, or it may not have anything to do with it. The point is that if you are addicted to cyber and phone sex with this man, the only way to stop it is to take control of it. You spoke of playing the dom/sub roleplay, so be the dominatrix and say "NO" to him. Or better yet, say "NO" to yourself and put on the brakes. Think about it:he's 1,000s of miles away, and he is controlling you. Take the control back and put a stopo to this before you end up doing permanent damage to yourself or your marriage. You can do it, I am sure of that. You just have to be willing to do it.

cindy666 09/19/2007

I want to, but I am so scared that he still has the pics he said he deleted...

deleted_user 09/19/2007

I understand. Are you afraid that he will send them to your husband, or post them publicly?
Whatever you do, don't send him any more!
There has got to be a way to break this off with him, if you truly want to end it. It may come down to you making a choice: end this and take a chance, or continue and possibly ruin your marriage any way. Either way, you need to make that choice. Maybe it's time to come clean with your husband and confess this. He may not be as upset as you think, you know?

deleted_user 09/20/2007

You made mistakes, so all you can do now is try and not make them again. An online gf I once had, sent me many pics of herself in such ways. I still had them at the time of the breakup, and never used them against her. I was tempted, since she cheated on me with my BEST friend... but I felt that would be too much, so I just retaliated in other, less jerk-like ways.

You have no way to prove he has deleted them, so you can't really be sure, but just try to focus on not making the mistake again. :)

cindy666 09/20/2007

robertbishop: Yes, that is what I am afraid of. I don't really think he would. He always seems concerned about my family and tells me to work on my relationship with my husband. I don't think he would want to hurt them, even if mad. There is the nagging doubt tho. I don't think telling my husband is the answer. That would just hurt him.

antari2012: The fact that you were tempted to use the photos scares me a bit. However, I don't plan to cheat.

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