Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I have been attending some support group meetings and the some are geared toward sexual abstinance except for a man and wife and other meetings are geared toward abtinance if not in a relationship with someone
of the same sex. both use 12 step methods.
I never really tried to find a group that would help people control their sexual impulses or change them to something that was more appropriate or fitting and set their goal or bottom line in order to set out to try and achieve this type of thing. Whether I recieve welcoming comments or not I beleive there is an aspect that rings true here for an individual that may be just having a hard time establishing what is right for themselves as opposed to trying to hold to an Idea of abstinance and then become desperate and do something regretfully wrong.
In my opinion as far as couples go if either one is looking for a better physical sexual experience in someone else and ends up cheating maybe they should have discussed their desires before they got married at least thats my view. Sometimes I have to sit and listen to people talking who have obvious incompatability problems whom I think end up going on a bender because of the stress they have to face because of these problems that makes them loose focus or not care about being sober and true to themselves ot their bottom line goal. I'm always polite enough not to say anything because I'm just trying to watch out for what I'm doing.
of the same sex. both use 12 step methods.
I never really tried to find a group that would help people control their sexual impulses or change them to something that was more appropriate or fitting and set their goal or bottom line in order to set out to try and achieve this type of thing. Whether I recieve welcoming comments or not I beleive there is an aspect that rings true here for an individual that may be just having a hard time establishing what is right for themselves as opposed to trying to hold to an Idea of abstinance and then become desperate and do something regretfully wrong.
In my opinion as far as couples go if either one is looking for a better physical sexual experience in someone else and ends up cheating maybe they should have discussed their desires before they got married at least thats my view. Sometimes I have to sit and listen to people talking who have obvious incompatability problems whom I think end up going on a bender because of the stress they have to face because of these problems that makes them loose focus or not care about being sober and true to themselves ot their bottom line goal. I'm always polite enough not to say anything because I'm just trying to watch out for what I'm doing.
I DO AGREE WITH A GREAT DEAL OF THE 12 STEPS IN THE 12 STEP RECOVERY PROGRAMS TO THE EXTENT OF BEING IN A RIGHT IN MIND ENOUGH TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH SUCH PRINCIPLES EXCEPT WHERE IT WOULD HURT OURSELVES OR OTHERS.
A lot of those steps I beleive we do or are convicted of not doing or keeping up with or on the level about and have been obvious.
You'll always hear the story from somenone who heard from a family member "You know when you are doing wrong" I beleive that it is true until we become misguided and learned to keep going back into a rutt of addiction with addictive things for what ever reason and people can end up doing the same thing for different reasons. but ususally it is a negative or deceptive thing that drives them there.
one thing I noticed about recover is that...
If you are recovering you are giving yourself the chance to have and enjoy a better life as opposed to the SOS thats going to happen if you give up the fight
If you do know about the literature they never came out with a modern edition of the Big Book. The SA program has a small white book with good advice. Yet when it comes to the stuff that I don't belive in that is in the literature.
I'd just as soon take the meat out of it and throw away the bones.
Meaning that anything that leads to confusion and triggers. Even if it is too much meeting going at odd times of the day and that's all that you know plus with people putting it into your head that if you miss meetings you'll end up back in your addiction and that starts like a guilt trip thing and makes you feel like. "I guess I'm a bad guy"
Or that your loosing the fight if you can call it a fight or your standing amoung your peers who are invovled in the group.
12 step groups have gotten me through a lot of issues that I was getting hung up on so was seeking help from a life coach for a while. But so has chaurch and reading the Bible which made me aware of peole who were not all that there and still were turned around because God interviened and they achieved great things after that.
ST. PAUL was a murderer but later became a miracle worker, MOSES was too, SAMSON laid with prostitutes but could still rise to the occasion and fight,
KING SOLOMON ( the wisest of all kings) had 700 wives and concubines.---(Now what's a man going to do with all them ladies, like really)
Yep, reading the Bible makes me feel better
So does watchig the news.
Look at our day... President Clinton caught foolin around in the whitehouse, Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwartneggar, somebody is always getting caught fooling around but was first fooled by the pleasure and lure of sex. Do any of these people admit that they are sex addicts? I don't know.
All I know is that for me in my particular area with the porn. its got to stop and I don't care to expound and go on to anything bigger or worse I'd like to go on to something better and want to look for an open relationship with a partner and say look this is how I am these are my inclinations this is what I'm careful for not having happen as far as any addiction goes.
AM I Crazy like the ltierature states and the program would have me to confess.
Tell you the truth I think that I myself along with a lot of the crowd I grew up with and hung ot with look more like the odd balls who just didn't know what they doing or into until some of us got caught up in troubles due to things that so easily became vices and porn was one of those things.
Bottom line - your worldview and vlaues will determine where this conversation goes. No point in either side trying to "win" the argument, it will ultimatly come down to your personal values =/ but hopefully everyone can at least acknowledge and respect others' opinions.
i.e. it has been proven that looking at porn and fantasising alters the pathway in the brain. Usually, in most cases, (as with any addiction) the victim becomes desensitised and needs a "'harder fix"'..what starts off as a soft porn fascination becomes a hard line rape, of fetish or even child porn thing.
Each time the pathway in the brain becomes more receptive to harder scenes as dopamine plummets...It doesn't always amount to this BUT in most cases it does.
Soon fantasy becomes reality as the victim seeks out hookers or gets involved in something horrendous beyond his/her control.
Law suits and jail sometimes follow. Sometimes even suicide!
Even in ordinary life, a small cut on your leg can become gangrenous..a small initial action can amount to a complicated conclusion.
There are many analogies we can use but don't let this addiction fool you into believing that YOU ARE in CONTROL
If you quit for awhile you will know the difference.
Immediately your conscience feels clearer, you can think better, you don't have a huge weight on your back..you can look other people in their eyes..more so, you can look at your OWN reflection in the mirror and not feel self HATE/loathing and the need to throw up.
Compare this with scenario with how you feel addicted.
There is NO comparison!
What compares in this life to a CLEAN conscience?
.
candycin & Ibanez are correct IMO)
Is it OK for a smoker, perhaps, to only smoke 5 a day?
An alcoholic to , perhaps, only have two shots of rye a day?
Perhaps a Heroin addict would be OK with just one shot of smack a day?
OK, now with a sex addict....is it safe or him /her not to engage in real extra marital action but still feed the mind with an activity that will more than likely cause him/her to engage in unfaithfulness?
We can make excuses and look for short cuts...I have as well for MANY years. There are NO shortcuts.
If you don't quit ALL activities then everything in your life will crumble especially your sanity!
Without your sanity you are nothing!
there is no safe place with Sex addiction...
I can see a real difference with people that post that have taken responsibility for their addiction and are actively getting help and in recovery..
Long and short of it is this. If you are struggling with something, then you have to find the method that works for you to overcome your problems. People here can promote abstinence, 12 step programs, yoga, walking on your hands and spinning in circles.
Their opinion in the long run does not matter. You have to find what works for you and have an open mind.
with a gambling addiction to a one arm bandit at a casino. It's kind of a sad thing cause in reality that's what I really look like once I've either given in have taken the bait. Waisting my time and energy seeking relief or release from something using something that doesn't really work and not such a cardinal sin if you view it as getting high but to me has become a choice and decision that I must not only make but maintain to stay away from through the powers that be. So there is a lot of going to church, praying, exercising, meeting with people who at least admit that they suffer and listening and learning about what can be done about it.
Some times I do hear a lot of talk and teaching that leads me back to the confusion and frustration of what I have learned to be the wrong type of thinking or what generates it that can lead me back to the desire for release and relief that leads me back to viewing porn and pleasuring myself which has its negative ramifications.