Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
I told my best friend of 7 years that i have an addiction. I told her specifically because she knows how devious I can be. Her initial reaction was to tell me i didn't have an addiction. She told me porn and masturbation were healthy (the latter I believe). She said I suffered from hypersexuality disorder and should seek medication instead of abstaining from porn...
Has anyone ever meet this sort of resistance before? I told her I would take her advice if abstaining from pornography somehow did not help but I have no real interest in it.
I'm also curious if anyone had taken one of these medications and how it worked out for you.
Thanks!
P.s. she did eventually set aside her concerns when I asked her to support me either way. She's a good friend like that.
Has anyone ever meet this sort of resistance before? I told her I would take her advice if abstaining from pornography somehow did not help but I have no real interest in it.
I'm also curious if anyone had taken one of these medications and how it worked out for you.
Thanks!
P.s. she did eventually set aside her concerns when I asked her to support me either way. She's a good friend like that.
Some great thoughts and advice from all on here..the remark from ''dlansky'' about "'if porn is healthy then WHY the meds?"' ..that is SO true!
Ok, i'll tell you what I've experienced and you can take it or leave it..please bear with me though and maybe you might see the connection--.
About 20 yrs ago I had a bad problem with anxiety/depression/panic attacks etc and I never once realised WHY or what was the cause. I was suicidal but never told my wife what the real issue was. I was constantly angry , couldn't relate to family life and constantly on edge.
In fact I'd had the onset about 10 yrs before all this but it reached a head 20 yrs ago.
The problem was actually porn & masturbation, which I grew up thinking was "'OK"', natural, and I all I had was a high libido that needed maintaining. Not blaming anyone here but most in denial will say "'we have a RIGHT to give pleasure to ourselves at all cost since sex is a RIGHT!"" I thought ALSO like this in blind ignorance....
Here comes the next point to make a note of---So I went to the GP who advised me to take SSRI anti depressants..i didn't tell him about the sexual side of things since I was not comfortable and, anyway, since I grew up as a liberal minded person it was NATURAL to self gratify.("'all men do it "' was what my friends at work said). You know, back then even on "'Seinfled"' they made a joke of all this in one episode about masturbation...but, oh boy, it's NO JOKE at all.
Now, interestingly the SSRI (Paxil) meds they gave to me are given for OCD , depression, social anxiety and even in large doses to paedophiles in order to quell their fetish (Librium is also given to them)
OK BUT( and here's the interesting part) the very FIRST part of our brain they hit hard is the part that ALSO controls our sex drive. (The primal LIMBIC which drives us to sooth pain, run from fear and SURVIVE at all cost)
Oh yes, SSRI's and other anti-ds almost draw a halt to your sexual nature by calming your mind and providing a "'feel good"' mood so that one doesn't have the need to masturbate or have sex. (but with awful side effects I must add).
So , in other words, to calm the brain and ease depression one HAS to also calm ones sexual drive. (blood pressure meds will also do the same)
Some yrs later I pondered why this was...."'could depression and an over stimulated libido from porn/sex addiction be connected?".
The light went on and the info somehow made me change my views.
It's only in the past 12 yrs that the connection HAS been directly made by websites like ''yourbrainonporn"' , the superb Gary Wilson and the people who have helped me come to an accurate knowledge (Inner Gold).
But I wondered also "Why does viewing porn and self gratifying affect the brain to cause the depressive fog, apathy, nervousness, panic & even suicidal thoughts?"' (oh and this all WILL occur if not now then eventually).
Not trying to plug the folks at ''Inner Gold'' but they were the only ones to tell me the real reason about 10 yrs back.).
Basically I was told this by a very informed therapist at Inner Gold who can be heard giving the same advice on ytube. and THIS is the part you must remember since they are not my words but from people who've studied this addiction for decades(take it or leave it)
"' ANY sexual activity involving viewing porn or masturbation flash floods the brain with chemicals to the point that the receptors go out of balance. NORMAL sex with a partner does NOT affect one like this BUT porn and masturbation DOES. The reason why normal sex doesn't affect one in a negative manner is because a much WIDER selection of chemicals are thrown out into the brain which creates a natural soothing effect...the ''cuddle hormone OXYTOCIN that BONDS your partner to yourself for example... a person who masturbates only induces the negative chemicals(Dopamine, Glutamate etc) that cause an emotional drain so it leaves one feeling lonely, disgusted, uneasy, somehow knowing something is not quite right. This detached feeling cause one to act strangely, become unsociable, apathetic"'.
OK, does this give one the feeling that porn and M are NATURAL?
NOT so at all and I was stunned to realise this. It's a robotic exercise that makes you a living wreck.
You might think the experts are being killjoys and stopping your fun but , for me, it all made absolute sense because this was why I'd suffered decades of depression..and to PROVE it was true, when I stopped (although it's not easy after 50 yrs) the depression eased within DAYS (without meds), the fog lifted and the para-sympathetic nerves eased.
Ordinary life somehow takes on a new feel. I had more patience, more self control, didn't feel a need to act out compulsively.(and the addiction IS linked to OCD)
The reason we have an ongoing addiction possibly requiring meds is because our nervous system is continually battered by a flood of images that lead us to masturbate (which also in time will lead to OTHER more taboo practices like escorts, etc) and THIS raises our pleasure thermostat in our brain VERY high to the point that NO amount of ordinary pleasure can affect us anymore.
The brain calls for MORE Dopamine and the hunt goes on for a more extreme sexual need.
It's a sad story since we lose pleasure with the small things in life and even normal sex with our partner doesn't give the same HIT.
Take it from the experts. porn and masturbation raise the Hedonic Setpoint (pleasure thermostat in the brain) more than any hard drug like coke or heroin and porn does it quicker, within THREE secs, whereas coke or smack takes longer. The same part of the brain is targeted by drugs or porn (OR even just masturbation on its own).
Now, the experts who say this are not always from a religious source so one can't use the excuse that "'Oh those Bible bashers will always try and ruin your fun!!" (for those who are spiritual , spirituality does help considerably and one feels automatically more spiritualy attuned after even a week of quitting)
But If you are not , this is pure SCIENTIFIC proof that porn and masturbation causes brain disease by ALTERING the chemical balance.
It's a hard pill to swallow, it was for me, but we have to weigh it up and consider what do we want from life?
Do we want to be a slave to our limbic system that throws out an urge at any sign of flesh that we feel compelled to sooth and thereby lose our free will, self control and SANITY?
The addiction will cause us to take reckless chances, ignore our families.
YES it IS VERY selfish but , think of it scientifically, the Limbic system that has been( innocently) called into play and is just going on a quest to stimulate and its need for stimulation becomes greater than that of survival.
They proved this with a test they did on the limbic system of rats. The rats , even if faced with electric shocks & death, chose rather to sooth their limbic with pleasure.
We lose so much of real life because of this addiction.
Our Limbic is only doing what is natural..it's just that it's out of tune because of our CHOICES in pleasurable entertainment.
But this addiction..it ceases to be pleasurable..it's a long empty directionless road to pain based on self gratification.
Excuse the long message.
Best wishes to you.
That's really interesting about the hormones and really sits true with how the two activities make me feel afterwards!
I am not religious, I don't think I am ever going to end be as reserved as everyone that's replied to me. I do see where you are all coming from. It's quite the shock for me to think that M is actually so unhealthy... I've grown up thinking it was totally okay.
Again, thanks to everyone that has shared their wisdom. I was having some awful urges to MO, but your replies kept me from giving in today. I want to do this 100%
"'IF porn & masturbation IS healthy then WHY are we even mentioning it or putting it out there for discussion?
This is the same as dlansky who says rightly, if porn is natural then WHY take drugs to cope?
Ok, the anti depressants might take the edge off (although their effect lessens within months requiring BIGGER does of the anti D) but then what we could start is an addiction to the drug (?) MORE complication!
Bruin also says--""How come I have never met a patient who asks me "'Is it OK for me to have sexual relations with my wife/partner?"' BUT they will ask "'Can I ask you ,Is it OK to masturbate/watch porn?"'.
He goes on to say "'Nobody comes to us after acting out sexually for days/weeks and says "'Do you know, I watched porn..masturbated and now I feel GREAT!"' there's always a malaise/detachment afterwards and number of people in society suffering from depression go to the GP and are given anti depressants when a percentage of their problem stems from porn /M BUT they won't look for ways to quit the habit since they feel is their RIGHT to pleasure..instead they want to find ways AROUND the habit"'
I was one of these people he speaks about..
Sorry but there is no easy solution that will let us keep hold of the addiction..
Too true, one always has the option to masturbate at any time and it's a scientific fact that most who quit porn find it easier than actually quitting masturbation....and those who DO quit porn usually find that , somehow, a spontaneous erection at some innocent point will lead them BACK to the computer screen....
So, what I'm trying to say is, if we quit porn BUT still accept that masturbation is'' OK'' then it's only a step away from leading us BACK to square one.
Also, the one thing that really made me think about all this( I don't expect others to considered it as important but it was to me) was when I considered how self stimulation actually causes flash flooding of Dopamine and thereby a DISEASE in ones brain.
This continual flash flooding (with the person innocently thinking that M is OK!) is causing the individual to create his OWN addiction.
So through our own ignorant choice, we set ourselves up for slavery.
With that slavery comes our own personality defrag, loss of employment, loss of family, blaming spouses, anger, despair, sometimes suicide..so many complications over something that is yet SO simple.
Not saying that there are never any triggers..there will ALWAYS be triggers as long as the addict lives..but that's not the issue. We are sexual beings the same way we love good food but would we gorge ourselves on junk just because we have the capacity or urge?
I'm not being critical with anyone other than my own self-- these are questions I asked MYSELF in order to reason on this dangerous addiction.
The issue is how we react to the triggers and when they still come I review these questions in my mind.