I had a psychiatrist tell me that there was nothing wrong with porn and masturbation as long as I wasn't cheating on my wife. How wrong he was!!! This type of treatment was just what I needed to use porn. This gave me much despair and agony and agony for my wife. Eventually I ended up cheating on my wife. Porn addiction is progressive. It leads to deeper and darker behaviors. Masturbation is a selfish act. It serves only one. Sex is meant to be between a married man and woman. Anything outside that is unethical. I've had counselors tell me that masturbation is okay. Really? Telling a sex addict its okay to act out! That's like telling an alcoholic its okay to drink on the weekends. I know that masturbation is wrong. I know its a selfish behavior. I have a counselor now who knows my beliefs and accepts the fact that I know that any sexual behavior outside my marriage is wrong. As far as medications I am not aware of any meds.

Hunger,

I remember when I first decided to seek help for the addiction and go into recovery, I decided not to tell anyone because I knew I would get no support, specially if I told other guys.

Now, after I was in my third month, I did tell my best friend and her attitude was, "If you think there was something wrong with the way you were doing things, that's enough" In other words, my feelings about it were enough, I did not need any validation from anyone to make it official.

I realize most of us want to tell, want to share and even want to get some support but in this case, it is hard to come by, due to society's acceptance of sexual dysfunction.

Mind you, at first this was truly annoying to me, but in hindsight, it actually pushed me towards true independence. We go from being dependent on the addictive cycle to get us through the day or our lives to true independence because we learn that we can do this alone, then once we get there, we then realize we do not need anything external to make us happy, we are happy period.

Hope this makes sense,
Wolf (4 1/2 years sober)

Psych medications are usually only a bandage until a person addresses the reasons for the emotional distress and the unwanted behavior. Though I can see the desire to be helpful, I feel like those who might suggest that porn and masturbation are normal and healthy are very uniformed and socialized though they remain unaware of it.

I cannot believe that porn is normal. Logically, it is very abnormal. Where in the natural world does one find it? Nowhere that I know of. It is manufactured. And, when I thought a bit about it, it became evident that viewing it only leads to manufactured thinking. I asked myself a question in that regard, "what is sex designed to do?" Well, I came to the conclusion that it is a biological function that bonds us to others and perpetuates the species. So, given I think that, then what function does porn perpetuate, or masturbation?

I have heard the analysis before that porn and masturbation are normal and healthy. But, when I encountered it within the context of relationship, I found it to be neither. If a person is viewing those things and masturbating, along with thinking that they need to seek the same activity with a loved one, what are they bringing to the relationship? Isn't some outside mind, some outside interest, someone else affecting or joining the relationship? Isn't there at least one third party, or many, involved in what should be a physically and emotionally bonding behavior? Does a person need an instructional video on loving another person?

Maybe the loved one is not keen on mimicking a manufactured sex act. I say act, because it is. I don't think there is a single loving action going on in an orchestrated, directed, and filmed sexual activity. So, what does it induce, and what does it create, and what does it perpetuate? Doesn't it quite seem to separate relationship from sex? Doesn't sex just become some manufactured set of behaviors? Is that what sex is about? Do you want it to be about that inside yourself? Do you want to just push this agenda onto another person who may want to connect with "you" not someone else's directed thoughts?

I've read, and I have personal experience, that indicates the use of porn and masturbation decreases a person's ability to react normally to real sex. I've read, and I have personal experience, that those who indulge in this sociological "norm" become less and less able to function normal sexually. So, what does it perpetuate? It seems to perpetuate porn usage, masturbation, and singular behaviors. It seems to become reliance because the alternative of normal connected sexual behavior becomes less and less possible. Is that where you would like your sexuality to reside? If not, then what is the purpose of indulging?

I find it very strange that someone would suggest taking medication to help manage pornography use as opposed to abstaining from pornography altogether. It's healthy, but requires medication? I thought medication was intended to help us deal with things that are unhealthy.

When I was still struggling with pornography addiction, I spoke with several mental-health professionals about the problem, and all of them were reluctant to offer any guidance. I think that's partially due to the limited research on pornography addiction (or compulsive pornography use, if one doesn't want to call it an addiction), and a reluctance to be seen as moralizing.

In any event, none of them suggested that there was a magic pill I could take to overcome the problem.

Not entirely sure of what drug she might be suggesting. There are drugs for obsessive;compulsive behaviors. Again, though, they are a temporary bandage for a long term problem Drugs are usually combined with other therapies to reach and correct the thinking problems associated with obsessive/compulsive behaviors. And, to suggest to a person that abstaining from something negative and in which they have no interest any longer. I'm unaware of any drug that magically makes our decisions for us?

I have experienced this too. I think it is a mix of things:

1) They don't want their own fun to be tarnished by you labelling it as unhealthy

2) They have no idea about how this genuinely is capable of being an addiction

3) They don't know what to do with this information, it is too ugly to hold, they don't want to hang it around your neck, they would be happy if collectively we could all just deny!

Despite how apparently widespread pmo addiction is it is still a very niche and new area, with few proponents of it's recovery. Even trained psychiatrists get weirded out by it. As Wolfie said, I have found the mixed responses to all provide me with motivation.

Thank you for the replies. I do not see anything natural about porn. I'm not sure what she thought medication would fix over fixing the underlying issue, but i think she may have just been shocked to hear me, of all people, say I was dropping porn and pmo.

Am i wrong to think masturbation is still healthy for someone that does it in moderation, without it affecting other parts off their life? Im currently abstaining to remove temptation to revisit pmo. I probably will for a while. But I guess I don't know how many people continue to succeed or relapse after masturbating again.

As a wife I appreciate that my husband desires to keep himself for me and I for him. We don't either of us take care of our sexual needs apart from each other. It makes for great intimacy and is I believe the most healthy approach. Part of my husbands issue in the addiction was not allowing or trusting me to meet his legitimate need for sexual intimacy so changing that so that he can see me as someone willing to meet his needs is a good thing.

However you will hear different views depending on where you do groups most SAA groups believe that you can have "healthy masturbation" as apart of your recovery. You develop inner and outer circle behaviors so that you can be clear what is not okay for you to engage in and what is in the middle maybe more border line behaviors meaning could cause relapse but in and of themselves aren't bad and what is good and healthy that replaces the old addictive patterns which could be exercise, prayer, friendships etc. So somewhere you would place masturbation and you would have to decide FOR YOU where it would fall in your circles.

If you attend church or spiritual based groups most likely you will hear no not at all. Sex is intended for marriage. I would make sure if you are in a relationship than there is agreement.

"Am i wrong to think masturbation is still healthy for someone that does it in moderation, without it affecting other parts off their life?"

I don't believe it is healthy, because I don't believe masturbation can ever fulfill the purposes for which sex is intended (unifying spouses and bringing forth new life). I believe that sex has a sacred purpose, and that when we take something that is meant to be shared and use it for ourselves, we compromise its value.

For example, if I gave you a birthday cake, but a slice was missing because I'd gotten hungry and eaten it, you'd probably feel a bit slighted -- perhaps more so than if I'd given you no cake at all. Sex is far more sacred than a birthday cake, so the principle is magnified.

Surely it depends on whether you have a partner or not. I can't really see how M would have a place in a rewired healthy relationship with my wife and to that end I agree with the cake analogy - however, if you are not in a sexual relationship I don't see why you should't have your own cake and eat it! Reboot should always take place first though, I think so long as you are in a reboot it is best to steer clear.

I'm sure it's harder to understand from a purely secular perspective, but I see one's sexuality as something far more sacred and personal than cake. One's sexuality can't be remade anew when one gets married, so if one wants to be able to give one's sexuality as an exclusive gift to one person, one has to consider even before marriage how to use that gift. Using that gift recreationally detracts from its ability to serve as a complete giving of oneself.

Ok but masturbating before you have even met your future wife, let alone decided that you even plan to get married, is not pulling from a finite resource. You will not have spoilt your sexuality. PMO will do that, MO will not. MO is certainly not an auspicious act, but it is not unhealthy.

I think the answer is dependent on how much? Masturbation reduces natural sensitivity. So, if one become reliant on that kind of pressure, then, there may well be a problem.

Yes I agree. I think that an addict's goal should be to recovery at all costs, and chances are improved by removing fantasy and M from your lifestyle just as much as p. There is nothing wrong with MO but addicts struggle with the next bit - there is nothing wrong with it when it is to sensation alone - ie not fantasizing. Bottom line, even though it is not unhealthy, it should be little more than a pointless and superfluous exercise if you are living a healthy life. I think addicts struggle to separate their urges for p from their desire to MO - the fact is that MO is rarely the actual addictive act, hence all the edging and peeking. I had this sense a while back that abstaining from MO would create some sort of impossible build up of tension - this is simply not true; your body adjusts and you move on.

The problem with masturbation as I see it is that the act itself says, "Sex is a tool for me to get pleasure for myself," rather than, "Sex is a means of uniting with my spouse in a unique, exclusive way." Then, when people do get married, they start to think of their spouse as their exclusive outlet for sex, rather than seeing sex as a means of giving to and uniting with that spouse in an exclusive way. Sex becomes about "what can I get" rather than "what can I give."

And that's leaving aside matters of faith, e.g. sex being a gift from God with a sacred purpose, not just a thing that happens to exist in a random universe.