I cannot be a sponsor, just got clean myself BUT

I found the vids from Terry Crews to be helpful. (Hes the actor who came out as a porn addict). He has a few short vids called "Dirty little secrets", maybe 5 or 6 of them, that were VERY inspiring. he talks about his addiction, how to get over the feeling of "shame". They are on his FB page under videos. He has a LOT of content so you might have to search for them. Hang in there man. You cant right a new chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the past. (Dont hate yourself for things you have done, you cant change it. Focus on today and tomorrow)

Congrats on being clean. How long have you been sober?

I'm back up to one day. I'm looking into saa alternatives. Going to a meditation center this week that also has recovery meditation.

Thanks for the info about terry he is awesome. Didn't know he was a recovered addict I'll check those videos out

How come you didnt find SAA helpful?

It probably could have been helpful overtime but the age of every member in the group was double mine. The God part of saa isn't something I'm super keen on so I'm looking at alternative support groups. If I don't find a better answer I'll try saa again. Going to a meditation/Buddhist center Friday

I have been sober now for 114 days, my personal best. The Terry Crews videos helped a LOT for me. kept reminding me that I was not alone and it helped the with shame part.

i get that some people dont agree with the GOD thing...you can replace it with anything you want. SAA is based from AA program so there is a higher power component. Any program that gets you sober is a good one...SAA programs are helpful because those that attend are exactly where you are in different areas of recovery. Dont let the age thing hinder your recovery...you might gain some insight from them...take what you can and discard the rest.

By no means am I trying to prolong recovery. I'm just exploring what works best for me.

What I was told:
There's this program of action. When you do it, life becomes better. You sleep better. Your problems don't disappear, but they just become so much easier to deal with. You become content with life. And as a plus, temptation to act out has no power. No more white-knuckling.

My response:
Tell me! I'll do anything!!

I was told:
Follow the instructions on doing the 12 steps.

My deflated response: Oh I can't. Forget it. I'm agnostic.

Long story short - I was told I don't have to believe in God. I only had to have a WILLINGNESS to believe.

At first I said no. Then I was asked what I had to lose.

I was already in danger of losing everything because of my addiction - including hope, happiness, family.

I only did it because I was desperate. I got results and my willingness became self-reinforcing.

I cannot imagine life without 12 step now. I still struggle with agnosticism. But all it takes is for me to be willing to shut my agnostic thoughts away into a corner - so that I can survive.

My addiction beat me into submission. I no longer care if God exists or not. All I have to do is show up, have willingness and miracles occur.

I'm not talking about meetings. I'm talking about steps - as they were originally written.

The 12th step is to share the message with others. I'm here to give my contact information to anyone who wants to know how I took the steps to freedom.

Thanks for all the advice. I spoke with my buddy who is 3years recovered as he said take all the help you can get and just keep piling it on. Which is hard for me to do intend to try and do everything by myself. But I am doing mindfulness meditation and going to a meditation center that has a recovery class. As well as doing saa 12step phone meetings. Giving them a shot..

Thanks again

Check out saapp.org