I suppose a slip could be considered a limited relapse. Personally I would consider a slip to be a one-time incident where I'd consider a relapse to be a return to a pattern of behavior. Both are serious, but there is a difference.

In this case, I'm not certain who "acting out" is distinguished from "actually doing anything," but I can conceive of situations where I might find myself doing something that would be a bad idea because it could lead me to addictive behavior, vs. actually engaging in that addictive behavior.

2: I feel like there is a difference. Somewhat like, you may have a bird fly over your head, but it doesn't need to have time to set a nest there? I mean, I'm sure that my H sometimes sees things that would trigger an interest in having a look...or a whatever. But, to go right on and entertain it, is to me the real problem.

I feel the same. I guess for me relapse would be unhealthy acting out, a slip would be unhealthy thinking.

I'm not sure what their intentions or definitions were, but this seems to relate to outer, middle and inner circle. Inner circle is the destructive behaviors, the ones we all know that we absolutely must stay away from, that harm us and the ones we love. Outer circle is the stuff that is healthy, helpful, and good for us to participate in. Middle circle is the gray area of in between stuff that isn't necessarily bad, but could lead to bad things. I am assuming that they refer to a slip as a middle circle activity and a relapse as an inner circle activity.

2early,

A slip is equivalent to let's say going into an adult store and simply walk in and look around for a few minutes but leaving soon thereafter after you caught yourself actually perusing.

The relapse then will be not only buying material to take home but going into the peep show section and watching a flick, thus fully indulging the addiction all over again.

Wolf

It's really splitting the hair, isn't it? lol
They are both the same, but I guess a slip is the beginning stage of the relapse. If I have not actually done the addictive behavior then it is not a slip even,, but, you see.. if I was into a strip club then the slip and the relapse are about inevitable. It's like , if I start looking at someone in a thong, then the engine has started to follow along the rest of the rut/track to its end.

It's really an addict's stinking thinking, too, that would try to split the hair so fine and think,, well, it's only at the point where I first turn my eyes to the stripper that it's a slip,, and even then it's only a slip unless I keep looking.. and then it's still a slip unless I'm there again tomorrow. BS ways to rationalize and make excuses for flirting with the addiction and doing half measures. Like it doesn't count if I walk into the strip club cuz I didn't look yet.

XA
I actually laughed out loud reading your response ..not mocking or making fun or anything ...My husband was reading this thread, he is often on this forum with me, and he said basically the same thing that you said. For him (his bottom lines, inner and middle circle) using your strip club example...he would consider a relapse walking into the strip club in the first place, even if lets say there were no strippers even on stage yet. He would consider it a slip, walking by the strip club in the first place, knowing it was there, and not avoiding that route to say get someplace else.

A slip for him would also be surfing the internet (as a relapse would most likely follow on a porn or sexually stimulating sites) One of his middle circles is that , surfing the internet, the relapse would be clicking on an inappropriate site.

In SAA all addicts define their own slips, relapses, bottom lines.

Wolfie: You shared, "A slip is equivalent to let's say going into an adult store and simply walk in and look around for a few minutes but leaving soon thereafter after you caught yourself actually perusing.

The relapse then will be not only buying material to take home but going into the peep show section and watching a flick, thus fully indulging the addiction all over again."

As a person who is not prone to these kinds of behaviors, not greatly anyway, I can't quite imagine that I would ever again (yes, I've seen them long ago in my past) find myself in the frame of mind to ever enter a place like that. My current set of internal boundaries would stop at even the idea, much less going as far as entering a store that has no wholesome purpose that I can think of. My internal check it mechanisms stop long before that. I believe I would feel concerned if that thought even entered my mind for more than a millisecond. So, I can't quite relate to how a person would get as far as even entering a store like that, what for? Is there some valid wholesome reason for doing that?

Say, in my case, since ego induced emotional relational pain seems to be the majority of my problem over a few decades, say that I got hurt, confused, got angry (sound familiar at all?), and decided well, my H seems to have no interest in me (ego damage), he seeks out other avenues than me, or us, I'll just toddle on down to the local bar and seek someone else to bolster my ego. I would know the millisecond that thought entered my mind that it is weird, and unhealthy, and a bad choice; so, I'd dismiss that thought from my mind entirely (because I know that such is nothing but damaging) and I'd find something else that I feel good about to do, say, take a walk, paint, read, anything....but that weird thing.

Does that make sense in the context of entertaining destructive negative behavior?

Silly to reply but since I haven't had a slip I suppose its because I haven't had a relapse. What I'm saying is I haven't discovered yet what it is like to get over it yet!

I'm here and I'm going to guess its a matter of how much you let the slip get to you. if you don't stop your going to dig in and get comfortable so don't dig in. (sounds like a commercial)

Thank you all for your comments, they were interesting. In my personal recovery I do not have clear cut lines of slips or relapses. For me a slip IS a relapse. How does one fall a little? When I slip on ice, even a little, I fall to the ground. If I misjudge a step I stumble. One part of my recovery efforts is attempting to fix my thoughts. Bad thoughts lead to bad behavior, good thoughts lead to good behavior. I cannot think good thoughts and bad thoughts at the same time. I change from one to the other, but cannot tie my shoes and brush my teeth at the same time. I still say its a duck!

2: I can't find fault with that analysis, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, seems like a duck, then very likely it is a duck. I believe that at some point a person knows (I did) that even to entertain those kinds of thoughts is regression. As, I shared, I'm not novice to vice. I have been there. I have done that. And, I can say absolutely, no question in my mind, no falter at all, that I will never, ever, do that again. I don't want to. I don't like to feel that way. So, I won't, because I know what feels best to me. And "that" isn't it. There are far, far, better ways to expend the time of my life. I know that my life is finite, a limited amount of time, so I set out to do things that I can really enjoy without shame or guilt. To even entertain that old time, uninformed, unthinking, self-disrespectable behavior seems totally uninteresting.

I think you're on the right path. And, I don't for one second believe that there is "no" actual recovery, only some sort of practicing recovering, forever. Not in my case it wasn't, and it isn't. So, if there need be an example, likely I'm it.

I have to say that I was very surprised several years ago when my Hs therapist suggested that "I" couldn't quite understand the path of lustful thinking. I had to set him straight right away. I let him know that I do understand it, I have personally experienced it, in comparison my H is very likely a novice. I also let him know I overcame that disrespectful behavior decades ago. And, I have never once had any real compulsion to behave that way...not at all. So, if I can do it, anyone can do it.

Well, the 'if I can do it anyone can do it' is too simplistic. You are unique, your circumstances are different. I'm glad for you, but can't judge other people by you.

I do agree that setting priorities and keeping them is very important,, so when we are tempted we call to mind our priorities. Some people don't really have an idea of what their life is about, or where they want to go with it, so they are more easily distracted, like Pinocchio, to forget everything except what seems like 'a good idea at the time'.

I've been in recovery for some time now, and at first my life was out of control confusion, and it was the 12 Steps that helped me to figure out what my life was about, and with a clearer mind set some goals, then the priorities that would get me to those goals. Not having much confidence at that time, or very clear sense of purpose or future I was not so strong about keeping those priorities. But with time, dedication, hard work, and taking this day by day to make forward progress,, I'm more able now to keep my priorities straight and know that that is worth the sacrifice of a few moments of pleasure.

X: Some people don't really have an idea of what their life is about, or where they want to go with it,

That seems very true. I did learn what my life is about, and where I want to go with it, and more importantly, where I definitely do not want to go with it. But, I didn't say it was easy, I didn't say it was immediate, I only said it's possible, because I have done it already.

Judge? What indicates in my sharing any judgment at all? Enlighten me x.

oh, Learnings, are you taunting me? I see a hook with bait on it. LOL

I see you said " I did learn what my life is about, and where I want to go with it." Married people often say 'we'.. but you don't say 'we'. Is it that you expect your spouse to just follow what you want? Do you know what he wants? maybe he doesn't know. So if he doesn't know then you win by default? or do you try to figure things out together?

My ex and I had great sex, but beyond that we discovered we each really wanted very different things, that were not compatible at all. In order for me to recover I had to leave. He loved me as much as he could Love, but in this case.. Love was letting go.