Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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2songbirds 03/09/2010

I'm new to the forum, so please forgive as I know this has been discussed many times before

I first discovered my hubby's porn addiction almost 7 yrs ago. Ok, 6 1/2yrs ago. It tore me up inside. I stumbled upon totally by accident his hidden folders and slideshows. I was forced to look at what was being compared to me. I was always available to him, open, willing, wanting...What hurt me the most was he lied to me about this altho I had the evidence. he looked me straight in my eyes and lied to me several times. I just didn't come forward with exactly what I found out. I actually felt bad, and appologized for "accusing" him. Until I showed him the hard evidence. I had to embarrass him for him to admit it

He swore he'd never do so again, as he needed me to live.

Being pregnant with our 2nd, I found some vague stuff again. Once again, I confronted. He put down in writing how he'd make it up with the rest of our life together how he had hurt me, blah blah blah

I have incorporated fun kinky movies and toys for us in the meantime, hoping that would satisfy his urge. I try to let our ambitions loose

Obviously, another broken promise. Only this time, he tried lying and he didn't appologize right away, at least until I told him how badly it hurt me that he hadnt. I know appologizing is admitting fault, but he thought he could get away with it.

I threaten ithis time with divorce, after almost 9yrs together, and 3 kids...He has admitted he has a problem and swears it's not me. However, the insecurities set in. He is willing to do whatever...for me or for the family...I have him scheduled to start counseling next week. We will eventually work in marriage counseling as I need to better understand this addition

He compares the addition similiar to collecting baseball cards, which I never did.

Once started, he has to see what's new.

I need to hear others...opinions or criticism...if it's hopeful or not. I will try to respond accordingly

Any advice is greatly appreciated. It has taken alot for me to admit our problem to others, even though it's rather annoynomous

deleted_user 04/08/2011

2songbirds, when I read your story as though I was reading about myself. Every step, every stage....so real. The only different is we went to sex addiction therapy 2 years ago, and this he slipped again last 5 months ago. Again promise to be honest if he slipped, but I caught him. He probably will not stop until I caught him. Very sad and helpless . After 10 years of this battle, I am very tired and see no hope not to mention trust...totally go. I had never felt so insecure in my life. I install Safe Eyes to filter our computer now. I am not good in computer while my H is an expert. I felt so belittled when he try to play tricks on me and challenge me on his computer skill. What is fireball ? He is using a Mac . he uses firefox to do work and the same time safari to watch porn. With the private browsing feature, how to trace where he go ? How to check cookies etc. Please help. I feel so stupid and powerless.

Learningskills 04/11/2011

Broken: You are neither stupid, nor powerless. So, he's good on a computer. He isn't very good at relationships is he? Playing with a computer, and playing fantasyland, isn't exactly living in the real world is it? Remember this...you have full control of you. You have control of when you speak...and what you speak. You have control over your body....where it goes...and what it does. You can do anything you want to. Let him do as he does. He can choose to live his life any way he likes. He can't force you to interact with him any more than you can force him to interact with you. You don't have to play games with him. Heck, you don't even have to speak to him ever again if you don't want to. So, how are you powerless? What are you powerless over?

deleted_user 04/12/2011

I really like the replies from Calimom and the post about forgiveness not equalling trust. Also, letting ourselves out of our "prison." I am going though the same things as you, after finding my h's porn habits that led to lies, even to the extent that he blamed it on our children (the were the ones at the sites)--who were 9, and 10, the oldest being a girl. And, like you, if I went to the grocery store, school at night, he was home not doing anything except looking at porn (on our home, family computer). The worst part of my situation, was he was looking, discussing sexual fantasies with another man he used to work with, yes, another MAN, through his work computer! He still claims to this day that this was all a joke, something ALL men do, something I would NEVER understand, it was NOT important to him (although it seemed to be important on 2 computers), and supposedly has quit, cold turkey. I know this is all BS, I have been married for 14 years and the man has never quit anything COLD TURKEY! So, my life sometimes, involves keeping close tabs on him, still questioning him about the relationship with this other man, him still denying most of the stuff that went on, stuff that I am NOT suppose to understand, and the rest of the BS. My h went through counseling too, although denying almost everything. Things have not changed, unfortunately in my situation. I think he has just gotten better at hiding stuff.

2songbirds 05/21/2011

As the OP, I have to add...that it still pains and angers me to read this. Baseball cards...WTF?

Yes, it stilll shakes me to my core over one year later

Not a day goes by that it doesn't cross my mind of the betrayal, lies, and deceipt put upon me

Let me note that I've been with him for 10 years now. nothing has changed. NOW something Will

deleted_user 05/24/2011

i know exactly what u are going thru i have been dealing w this for along time and i love my husband it sucks

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