That is progress, avoiding the shame that nudges it's way into the psyche after acting out, if it was a natural neglect of loved ones or of a life that constantly needs nurturing, is good. I do want to warn you about indifference though, one "not giving a fuck" could lead to sustained "not giving a fuck about everyone and everything", like me yesterday. The ironic thing is, that state yesterday, strangely took me strongly away from any desire to look at porn, the type of looking at porn that creates a desire for control and power.

Are you asking what the wife wants for dinner so you can use it to manipulate a night of sex being an option for her? Could you ask her what she wants for dinner, she pick the most expensive thing possible, then accept all of it, after her news you won't be having sex for one whole year when she is done eating the most expensive thing possible? That is the real honesty we need to ask ourselves. The answer ideally would be "absolutely honey" but if you're a real sex addict the answer more than likely will be "fuck that, I just bought you the most expensive dinner possible you greedy whore!" Obviously the latter response is terrible, and not one that will lead to "no porn", but ask yourself honestly how unselfish are you willing to be towards your partner. I think the fact that you saw sex with your wife as creating new life is the true motive behind the sex, so you're in a good spot overall.

Since I am single, I have to ask myself questions like "Can I still give life advice or share life experiences with a 'healthy' 20 year old who clearly wants sex as soon as possible, if I know she is making me one of five she is going to be sleeping with?" If I say no, angry at her, for wanting to find the "right guy", then that cuts off anything I might be able to teach her or learn from her on a human to human non-sexual level. I can honestly say, my tone and attitude would probably be cold, if sex didn't happen, so I'd have to go against the grain, and really go out of my way to help her as a human, knowing full well sex with her would be overwhelmingly awesome, but might take away from her optimal life experience, because sex would become the only thing we were concerned with, and we would neglect everything else required for life management because of our obsession of having sex with each other.

I don't know your answer, but I do know if you're a porn addict like myself, I'm already assuming I have one year to go until I give up the porn, because my replacement for the porn is just using my wife to feel better, but I'll call it "love", when honestly real love would be not sharing my selfish desire to "bust a nut" with someone I am in a perfect union with. To go further, if I were to recognize that no sex for a year, if I do my part and not look at porn for that year as well, would create the most powerful in a healthy manner, sex possible, because the year would give me time to support and give to the wife without any sexual motives, and it would also help my brain eliminate the pathways porn has dug into it's matter, that probably weren't intended by God, but more so my free will to earn dopamine whenever I want, by stroking my cock to people not giving a fuck, fucking.

People not giving a fuck, fucking, for some reason really excites me. It completely has to do with the anarchist and rebel in me, I seem to become more alive when I tap into sources of "groups of people who do not give a fuck", but if I am serious about recovery, it is more so wise for me to go against the grain, and kind of give a fuck. That kind of giving a fuck, might lead to really giving a fuck, then if support and God does the rest, when not giving a fuck won't quit, before you know you give so much fuck, that everyone views you as a breath of fresh air, and they start giving a fuck, and eventually, you doing what you didn't used to do not only helped you recover, it has the power to help others recover, even when they aren't asking to or not knowing they needed to, and the production of all that is a life you could have never dreamed of, giving all the fuck in the world, amazed that "not giving a fuck" was the bastard child of giving a fuck.

Let's try to give a fuck for today.

Sorry for being a dick to that guy the other day, I was thinking about you calling me out whilst waking to the store the other day and the conclusion to what you did was me saying "you know they were right, I was a dick, and now I have a good reason not to be today." I appreciate that very much.

I certainly think positive reinforcement has its place in recovery. I have found that it's important to remain aware of all of the good things that are made possible when we let go of our addictions. I'm not so sure I understand what your are saying about "learning not give a f---." If anything, for me it's not about not caring, but about caring about the right things.

I do have one request -- for the sake of those who are struggling to break free of pornography addiction, would you mind leaving out details about the kinds of pornography you may have looked at? I know that when I was first going through pornography withdrawal, any descriptions would have immediately put images in my head that would have been hard to shake.

Right, dlansky, it is important to care about the right things, and I do.

My comment was not about not giving a fuck in general, but in relation to my preconditioning. For me I learned as an adolecent that porn was something to feel guilty about. I've since decided it is not. This is the kind of thing I'm learning not to give two shits about. Context is key.

As for not mentioning specifics about porn--it helps me to face porn head on, to call it what it is, and to find ways to laugh about it. So, no I will not keep it to myself to suit your sensibilities. That's just another way to hide from the difficult reality of struggling with porn addiction.

Having successfully stayed away from porn for a few years, I don't get triggered so easily anymore, so it's not about MY sensibilities. It's about the fact that this is supposed to be a supportive environment and that by being so explicit, you maybe impeding the recovery of others.

One thing I have learned through this journey is that, unlike pornography and masturbation, the world isn't just about what I want for myself all the time.

That's very good dlansky. You must be proud. You clearly have a different idea about how to offer support. I, for one, don't think it's any of my business to tell anyone what they should or should not do or say in an environment such as this one.

And another thing--support groups, like therapy, are as much about the individual as it is about being there for others. It's called balance. No one else seems to care about how explicit my post was, so please don't pretend to speak for anyone but yourself.

If you were to attend a support group for sex/porn addiction you would not be permitted to use specific examples of the porn or acting out...It makes sense not to use terms that could possibly trigger an addict struggling.

That may be true in many cases, but sexual sobriety is treated differently from addict to addict. Programs vary in their approach as to what defines sobriety. This includes how porn/sex is talked about.

What neither of you has admitted to is that my use of language has caused you personally to in some way to struggle with your own recovery. Instead you have spoken on behalf of a group that is not organized in a way as to allow that kind of presumption.

So, speak honestly for yourself and I will change my approach, or live with the fact that you have no real control over the situation.

This is my recovery too. I get to have a voice.

spoken like an addict in active acting out...sadly your approach isnt keeping you sober or in recovery. So truly how is that working for you?
Your words dont offend me at all, nor cause me to struggle with anything more then feeling great sadness that this addiction is keeping you in the negative addictive mind frame. You see, addicts that are in that place in their lives dont give a crap how what they are doing is causing harm to themselves never mind those around them.

Plain and simple it is called the truth. You are in denial.

Your pity and overdone generalizations are the real sadness here.

interesting response to say the least ...hope you can find the strength you will need to beat your addiction..alone...because your brashness is causing people to come to the conclusion that you would rather be right then healthy. Good luck on your recovery.

Thanks for the doom and gloom, Candycin.

It is possible to be both healthy and right for the record.