Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.

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/ Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group

IDK what to do

concerned2001
concerned2001

My boyfriend had confided in me that he struggled with porn addiction when he was younger like high school years but that it was no longer an issue. I made it very clear when he told me that this was a big deal to me (due to my faith and personal beliefs of this) and that he should talk to me if he ever has that urge and i would offer no judgment because he would be coming to me for help and I'd be there for him. We value complete honesty in our relationship, but then, a few days ago we were facetiming so he could show me something on his phone. He used the Apple screen share feature and the tab on safari closed to open up him searching porn. After further discussion, I learned that this has been going on since Thanksgiving time. 5 months, and I am not going to lie I am so disappointed and frustrated and lost. He has photos and videos of me on his phone, but he chose to watch pornography instead. The most disappointing aspect is that he didnt come to me. He denies a porn addiction despite confiding in me about  having one in high school. I really do know he is a great guy so it still has me in shock. I cannot imagine him doing that and it's very difficult to grasp. I'm here looking for advice on how I can support him or any outside perspective. I love him and want to make it work, but it's hard to grasp someone can love you and do all these contradictory actions (watching porn) and mean those words. I appreciate anything you guys can offer. Thank you <3

strongcoffee1007
strongcoffee1007
It's so hard to not take it so personal. My husband is in recovery now, and it is still a daily struggle to understand fully how they can say they love us and still do what they do :(
DragonsAreAwesome11
DragonsAreAwesome11
I am a single teenage girl, so take this for what you will. When we watch porn, we aren't really seeing the people in the videos as people. We don't have any feelings for them, it's all about the feelings they give us. What we see when we watch them evokes a very primal reaction, but it's not the same reaction get when we see or do things with our significant other (I have never had sex before and I don't ever wish to, so I can't personally attest to this, but I have heard other people talk about the difference before). Admitting to a porn addiction is a very hard thing to do, and when you've been getting better, admitting to falling back into it is even harder. It's admitting failure. Nobody likes to admit they've failed. I've never told anyone about my addiction before. I was getting better, but recently I've been regressing. Things have been happening in my life that make me feel like it doesn't matter, like I shouldn't bother trying to get better. Old habits die hard, old addictions die harder. You should let your boyfriend know that you would never think less of him for this and that you want to help him through it. Ask him if something has been going on that makes him feel the need for an old comfort. Be kind to him, but don't let him walk all over you. Sometimes we can get defensive about these things. If he hurts your feelings, he probably didn't mean to. If he hurts you physically, call the police and get out of that situation. Porn addiction isn't the same as drugs or alcohol, it won't make you suffer the same withdrawals. If he hurts you, he has no excuse. Anger is normal, abuse is not. Tell him to call you if he ever feels the urge to watch porn so you can take his mind off of it or help him work through it. If he insists that it isn't an addiction, ask him how often he does it, if he feels like he needs it. A recovering alcoholic can't have just one drink. A recovering smoker can't have just one hit. A recovering porn addict can't watch just one video.