Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Last night I was encouraged by an anonymous person that I met on Omegle, to chat Via Skype, I let them watch me strip even though their camera was 'broken' then I entertained them.
At the end of our 'conversation' a message appeared that started, 'while you were playing I was downloading all of your e-mail contacts and files from your computer......'
I didn't finish reading the message, I deleted it and blocked them. I am so ashamed it went so far and worried that they will have a way to 'trace me or my loved ones'.
Even if they don't, it still went too far, I'm angry with myself and ashamed, confused too, I really don't know why this addiction is so difficult for me.
It's not the first time that it's gone too far, I find ways to gain more control over the addiction but slowly it finds a way to exploit my weaknesses again. Usually I'll delete an account or a contact and think that I've solved the problem but then I'll find another site, I'll start just having a look when I'm bored, then maybe chatting a little and slowly I lose all sense of reality, I forget all the good things in my life and I become totally fixed.
Part of the problem is that I don't have any hobbies that help me to relax at home, I don't watch much tv or read much, I do like running, cycling, camping, meeting friends, that gives me some balance in my life but there will always be times when I need to sit around at home and chill and that is when I'm most likely to allow the addiction to work its way back into my life.
Recently I've been trying not to log onto any chat rooms until I have completed a good amount of work that day, as a result I've logged on at midnight and chatted till the early hours (though this often really means mindlessly and in complete boredom clicking through spam and guys on omegle that look like sad w*nkers, and probably think the same about me) As a result, I've not had much sleep recently.
Another part of the problem is that I find it hard to be really honest with my girlfriend about how I feel. I can't tell her about this addiction, I just can't and I struggle to share thoughts with her that aren't as damaging either. For instance, I've just been to a DIY store and a supermarket, there were at least six women in each that I had quite strong sexual attraction to (that's probably normal for lots of guys) I know she would hate that so I try to pretend that it doesn't happen, especially if I'm with her. Maybe I'm making excuses but I feel as though keeping thoughts that I have sexually from her helps to fuel the addiction, as I can chat more openly online.
At the end of our 'conversation' a message appeared that started, 'while you were playing I was downloading all of your e-mail contacts and files from your computer......'
I didn't finish reading the message, I deleted it and blocked them. I am so ashamed it went so far and worried that they will have a way to 'trace me or my loved ones'.
Even if they don't, it still went too far, I'm angry with myself and ashamed, confused too, I really don't know why this addiction is so difficult for me.
It's not the first time that it's gone too far, I find ways to gain more control over the addiction but slowly it finds a way to exploit my weaknesses again. Usually I'll delete an account or a contact and think that I've solved the problem but then I'll find another site, I'll start just having a look when I'm bored, then maybe chatting a little and slowly I lose all sense of reality, I forget all the good things in my life and I become totally fixed.
Part of the problem is that I don't have any hobbies that help me to relax at home, I don't watch much tv or read much, I do like running, cycling, camping, meeting friends, that gives me some balance in my life but there will always be times when I need to sit around at home and chill and that is when I'm most likely to allow the addiction to work its way back into my life.
Recently I've been trying not to log onto any chat rooms until I have completed a good amount of work that day, as a result I've logged on at midnight and chatted till the early hours (though this often really means mindlessly and in complete boredom clicking through spam and guys on omegle that look like sad w*nkers, and probably think the same about me) As a result, I've not had much sleep recently.
Another part of the problem is that I find it hard to be really honest with my girlfriend about how I feel. I can't tell her about this addiction, I just can't and I struggle to share thoughts with her that aren't as damaging either. For instance, I've just been to a DIY store and a supermarket, there were at least six women in each that I had quite strong sexual attraction to (that's probably normal for lots of guys) I know she would hate that so I try to pretend that it doesn't happen, especially if I'm with her. Maybe I'm making excuses but I feel as though keeping thoughts that I have sexually from her helps to fuel the addiction, as I can chat more openly online.
In addition to that, my husband & I did a lot of soul searching. It is if we put the addiction issue in one corner (OK--we'll deal with you through neuroscience, which is all about changing habits) and then dug into the "why" separately. That did involve identifying the content of what my husband was drawn to, and lead to some deep discussions about our personal histories of sexual development & where fantasies come from. Some of this was done with a couples therapist, but most of it was done privately.
It also had to do with how we define ourselves. There was a part of my husband that enjoyed being deviant, part of the bad crowd. I had very high standards for fidelity. For a long time, he viewed himself as faithful despite his activity, but I didn't see it the same way. And, I wasn't going to be the wife that looked the other way anymore, because the online environment facilitates escalation in ways that our grandfathers and all the generations before could not imagine.
My husband had to decide that he'd rather be married to me than have his fantasy life. He had to start seeing value in fidelity. He'd tell you that this was all about his integrity as a man. That was his motivation.