Pobe,

Sorry to say this is exactly what happens when we do not have an air tight plan and we do not have contingency plan to address those triggers and as a result, we fall very hard.

Just one more time does not need to win when we make it impossible for it to win. You are not broken, you simply chose extremely unwisely.

Perhaps, you could take this time to take a stock where exactly you went astray and why, then pick yourself up and resolve once and for all that there cannot be "just this once" anymore.

So long as you leave that door even ajar, you'll go back to it because your addictive mind knows it will eventually win but if you close all the doors and make a resolve not to listen to it ever again no matter how loud it whines at you, you'll be able to get through this.

It is never what happens to us that creates problems but how we react to these problems. Stop reacting and start acting like a responsible adult, once and for all. That is start having the ability to respond to life in a healthy manner.

But this time, has got to be the last time, right now you've made your addictive mind your boss and you've given priority to something extremely unhealthy. It is time for you to make YOU the priority and in time, your life will return to normal but it will take time as you set the clock back and added even more crap into your brain.

You do not need to cut all the triggers what needs to happen is that you need to stop these things from triggering you, the way to do it is by learning to feel your feelings and choose healthy outlets for your frustrations.

If you are serious about wanting it to end, you'll make it so it does end. Just be honest with yourself about how serious you are about it. If you are not all that serious, be honest about it, as well. Either way it is time to get real.

I know I am not sounding all that supportive but I am. Sometimes, support comes in the form of a helping of a wake up call.

My two rubles' worth,
Wolf (4 and half years sober)

Very sorry to read about your relapse. It's a sobering reminder that we always have to be mindful of the possibility of relapsing if we revert to our old responses or fail to master new, healthier responses. I don't know if there were particular stressers in your life that preceded your relapse -- think about it and think about what you can do differently next time.

Wolfiepa's "tough love" response above contains a lot of wisdom.

Pay close attention to the misery you feel right now. This where pornography ALWAYS leads. This is where "just one more time" ALWAYS takes you. "Just one more time" will never be enough because, as George Collins writes in his book "Breaking the Cycle," you can never get enough of what can't satisfy you.

Keep in mind, too, that you've now shown yourself that you can last a year without pornography. If you can go a year without it, you don't need it. It is not the boss of you unless you let it be.

While I've been out of the cycle of addiction for about a year now, I have made mistakes along the way. I find it helpful to bring those mistakes before God, either directly through prayer if it's pretty minor or, as a Catholic, through a priest in Confession if it is more serious. If you are a person of faith and have a process for making piece with God, I do recommend availing yourself of it. God is always ready to forgive us if we are humble enough to ask.

"I tell you ... there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance." Luke 15:7

Try admitting to her your problem, disclose everything, and beg for help and forgiveness so that you can change. Get into a 12 step group, attend every week. Get a sponsor, and get one on one counseling. Tell her you will do anything it takes to change what you've become, and back up those words with actions. Remind her that your addiction is not her fault. Tell her that you find her beautiful, and that it is your addiction that is out of control. Get her on your side if you can, as it will help your recovery much better. Good luck, thinking of you!

my husband has a new mindset, and a new life. After white knuckling for 18 months, refusing to be honest to me, his therapist , himself, lying about his past, refusing rehab, refusing to go to meetings, relapse was inevitable ...thankfully it was month, and didnt get past porn and masturbation, and he went to his therapist AFTER and said he needed more help. This started the whole ball of disclosure, admitting, pain...
Now he is 18 months into recovery...this time its different. Relapse isnt an option, his mindset is different, safeties are in place, and he is accountable, for every phone call, text message, internet use etc.....addicts dont want to be accountable...once you come clean to your wife, being accountable is really the only option...

not being able to be intimate with your wife is a consequence to your relapse, how many chances do you think you deserve? "Normal" sex will become your new norm if you allow your brain to heal with recovery.

Wolfie: You shared, "I know I am not sounding all that supportive but I am. Sometimes, support comes in the form of a helping of a wake up call." I think that every wake up call I received in life was the "chance" I really needed. So, I too often offer a wake up call. Thank you for sharing.

Is it a good thing that you are hiding?