@Learningskills - I totally understand where you are coming from.... and I am definitely aware that we are both responsible for making our own choices and putting up with whatever we decide to :)... but you are also correct that I do try to figure out what he is thinking, or I assume. I do have this problem that I talked over with my counselor as well.. because even when he says something (especially when its kind) I try to talk him out of it or say that's not really how he feels about me or the situation. His comments about me making a choice to leave just made me "assume" or "feel" that he was implying I should just leave because he can't and or wont give me what I expect or want. And I am not asking him for anything that he didn't offer when we were dating. It just seems as if when we got married all this changed. Our courtship changed which I understand it would to some degree, but not his feelings. But I have never compromised my beliefs with him and I never let him feel for me, my weakness is that I keep it to myself because I let his reaction control my communication of feelings. I also try to say things in the nicest way because maybe I'm a people pleaser, but I also don't want to hurt his feelings, because I know how much words can hurt. But again thats my problem not his.

He could be doing all this because he knows I am watching his moves (unfortunately)... I get the sense that he is "trying" or he's just watching his tracks like I stated. But what bothers me is he's made no attempt to even brainstorm with me to rebuild us and the trust. I just wanted to work together on ideas. I don't want to figure it out on my own even though I already have. I want to know he's willing to try verbally rather than actions. Which I'll be honest his actions are basically that he is no longer on his computer much in my presence at home. That's it. Intimacy is hard for me and so is being close to him just in presence... but to him he seems just fine. Before all this came out intimacy was already starting to be a problem with me and to him he didn't think any thing was wrong. So in many ways I have answered my own fears or wonders. And I conclude with you that I cannot think for him- he needs to do that on his own. Thank you again for your relevant helpful advice.

@Ann1954 I couldn't agree with you more, I do feel cheated. It's shattered my whole being to the point where I am mostly numb, I don't feel much joy at all anymore. I am hoping with counseling and support groups that that will change over time and I will be back to my old self "well in a way my old self". Thank you, and I am truly sorry for what you have had to endure as well.

Alexis: You shared your thoughts, " my weakness is that I keep it to myself because I let his reaction control my communication of feelings. I also try to say things in the nicest way because maybe I'm a people pleaser, but I also don't want to hurt his feelings, because I know how much words can hurt. But again thats my problem not his."

Do you know why you keep it to yourself? I think you need to understand why. And, if his reaction affects you, maybe you need to observe them closely, and more importantly, how you feel in regard to what he shares. Yes, words can hurt. I know. But, if because you know that words can you hurt, you hide the truth, what does that gain? Actions often hurt far more than words, yes? His actions are hurting you, yes? So, does it seem ok to be very sensitive to the hurts of a person who is insensitive to you?

@Learningskills thats just it... he doesn't really respond. He either doesn't say anything at all or his famous quote is "I'm apparently not good enough for you, I don't know what you want me to do/say" as he throws his hands in the air in frustration. His reaction is always defensive even when I jokingly ask why he's in a good mood. I can be playful and he get upset. For instance, one day I was joking with him before all this started we were talking about our relationship (positively), and I simply made the playful comment "yes until you signed your life away to me last December" and immediately he responded with "I didn't sign my life away to you, I give you half but I still have half for myself"... it was merely a joke. Do I think I own him- No! Do I think I control him- No! Do I think he owes his life to me- No! Do I believe we are individuals- Yes! But do I believe that once we married we became ONE as two individuals and became a unit within each other to sacrifice, share, compromise, love, desire, and honor one another- Yes! If I was being serious about the comment that is what I would have backed it up with but it was merely a joke that he took a little personal. So by his reactions.... he either becomes defensive even if it's not an attack and or he doesn't respond.

Maybe you could google the term "gaslighting", I think it might be helpful.

This is interesting too:

http://www.focusonthefamily.ca/marriage/conflict/silent-storm-when-your-spouse-wont-talk

Thank you @Learningskills that link was insightful, even to my own behaviors.

I read a lot of things that are very enlightening to me too. I've learned a lot about myself by reading, and careful self search.