You are not alone. I have a female friend who is also addicted just as I am. I know this is probably sensitive to talk about right now but admitting you have a problem is, as the saying goes, the first step to recovery. Like you, I prayed for God to take it away from me. His silence has forced me to ask some tough questions. I sought help from fellow addicts and I am in the midst of recovery through SAA. All faith debates aside, no one can recover from any addiction without resorting to a higher power and asking this higher power for help.

Can I ask you what you have done to help you turn away from temptation, in the heat of the moment?

I am so ashamed that I just can't bear to talk about it to my husband or pastor (who is also my brother-in-law) . Some articles I've read tell me the first step is to open up to others about my problems, so I figured I would try to start here.

I also feel that God is silent on this subject. He has blessed me in many other areas in my life and given me the strength to overcome many obstacles, but not this one.

I cannot pinpoint WHY I do this. I was exposed to pornography at a very young age, but did not start watching it until I was 17/18. It mainly happens when I am alone and have time on my hands (I do not have children yet). My husband and I do not have the most favorable sex life. My sex drive is much higher, and he would probably be fine with 1-2 times a month. But-I don't necessarily consider this a factor in why I do what I do.

We have an addiction, quite similar to a drug or alcohol addiction. The brain chemistry changes just like taking a drug. We get a flood of oxytocin every time we look, the reward center of the brain is stimulated. This effect is magnified with masturbation. Find your triggers and do not beat yourself up when you fail. You also need to ask some hard questions. Do you feel your needs are being met? How do you feel right before the urge to look? (These may point to some triggers) The shame and guilt will only drive you into deep depression, believe me, I'm battling the depression still. Nevertheless, some tricks I picked up along the way to fight urges are:
1) Get out of the house, go somewhere public. Distract your mind for a bit.
2) Call a friend.
3) Dont take your phone in the bathroom with you.
4) Most antivirus software has parental controls you can set with a password. (Let a trusted friend set the password so you cannot override the security)
5) Talk to fellow addicts about it. There is strength in numbers. We are healing too!

If you need to talk, I'm available. These are things I've learned along the way. My therapist has told me that we become addicted to things or behaviors in order to escape from some pain or hurtful emotion we don't want to deal with. You may find it beneficial to speak with your own therapist. I wish you the best of luck!

I would add that I think it's ok to wait a while before talking to your husband and pastor/brother-in-law. You will eventually want to tell your husband, but for now you can confide in a therapist. Also, see if there is an SAA group for women in your area. If not, I know there are online ones out there. It REALLY helps to see that you are not alone. Incidentally, there are a lot of of women being snagged by this addiction these days. You might not know anybody, but trust me when I say they are out there.

First day here. Christian guy wanting help too.

It really doesn't help if you beat yourself up every time you do it, self-love is key.

Think about who wants you to feel dirty and not loved. It is certainly not God. Some obstacles are placed in our path for a reason: to help us grow.

I am also a Christian in this position. I was driven right to the brink by the shame and guilt while I just could not stop.

I have been working a 12 step programme which has given me strength and hope of a better future (actually a future). I have stayed sexually sober for almost 9 months. I am so looking forward to getting my 9 month chip from my SAA group meeting. 'It works if you work it, so work it you're worth it' - sounds a bit cringy but the idea behind working a 12 step programme is good. Have a look online and see if there is a group near you.

Many Christians, including myself, have faced this struggle. I remember asking God to just turn me into a robot so that I could stop doing what I knew to be wrong. At the time it was very hard to find helpful resources for recovery, too. In hindsight, I think God allowed me to have this addiction for a number of reasons: He doesn't want to take away our free will, because then we are not free to say "yes" to Him. He is able to see beyond the struggle and the good that may come from it. I needed to learn humility and recognize my own weakness, and my pornography addiction helped me become less prideful. I now know that I will never become a saint by my own merit, but only with through the grace of Jesus Christ. I am now able to reach out to others who struggle with sin, less like the man in the gospel who said, "I thank you Lord, that I am not like this sinner," but more like the one who said, "Have mercy on me, a miserable sinner." I know that I am no better than any other sinner out there; I've just succumbed to different temptations.

My struggle for purity is by no means over, but I have learned that I am not facing it alone. I have Jesus and an army of angels and saints supporting me. I am able to have hope that despite my weakness, Jesus will bring me home.

That is beautifully put dlansky

Just something I want to say so you can think about it:

Like a teacher, God is quiet during the test.

Present but quiet.

I am a 22 year old female experiencing the same things you are. My addiction has severed my relationship with God in so many ways. I feel unworthy to worship him or pray. I have started seeing a Csat counselor and this is the first group I’ve joined. Please feel free to reach out anytime. I would love to discuss anything we both need since we are in such similar situations.