Hello, My name is Matt and I am a sex addict.  Today is 1-2-17, and I have since joined SAA and have attended several group meetings.  I have found a group that meets on Tuedays - and that is a break off from a group that meets Sundays, and there is another group that meets on Mondays. 

I never really thougt of myself as a sex addict - as I have said.  Yes I liked watching porn, and just thought - who doesn't.  I told myself that it was normal.  However, since i was watching it several times a day, and doing that several times a week, I became desensitized to what I was watching.  I started with what would be normal porn, mainstream porn.  I then went to anal porn, and seemed to really enjoy that, and still do.  But when that started not doing anything for me, I started looking for different porn that was out there.  Even though I know what my sexuality is, I found that lesbian porn and gay porn worked for awhile.  Then I found some animated porn that was interesting - as well as beastilaity and incest porn.  I downloaded as much as I could get my hands on.  I had portable hard drive pretty much full, as well as a thumb drive.  My wife found the thumb drive which had some anal porn on it, as well as the beastiality and incest porn.  I of course lied about it, and said that I had no idea where that came from as I was ashamed of what was on there, and what I needed to watch.  I was asked to leave my house and kids behind, and my wife and I have been dealing with this since 12-9-16.  I had an amazing wife, 2 wonderful kids, and a really good life - and I threw it all away because I couldn't tell my wife that I had problems.

I have since purged all my digital porn that I have.  I erased everything.  I have purged my computer - and am almost ready to make the switch from my iphone to a basic phone.  Althought, that will be hard for me to do. Maybe I can have my wife set the restrictions and secure it with a passcode so that I can't access that on my phone.  Maybe that will show that I am serious about kicking this addiction. 

I did tell her that I have thrown away my dvd's, but I haven't and she found that out. 

I know that I have a problem, and my life is out of control because of it.  That is why I started the SAA meetings, and start therapy on 2-1-17 - but that is still a month away.  I have not watched porn since the middle to late November.  I haven't had the urge to watch it recently, but I can feel it gnawing at me, and am starting to feel the urges and pull of porn again.  The worst is that it is always just once simple click away.  I didn't know what I had till it was gone, and now I want it back more than anything.  But I don't know what to do, I am lost and drowning.