Hi Ndaambe89,

I am a 50 year old woman who has finally admitted I have a problem. There often is not much traffic on here compared to other forums but I have found a set of friends that I find more helpful. Would you like to join my friends and tell me a bit more about you situation, you would be most welcome.

I have just made the decision to join SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) Sounds heavy doesn't it but if you go on the web site and read other peoples stories, I'm sure they will sound very familiar. I have just begun the programme to stop my porn/masterbation, sxting/fantasy writing addiction. My life is a mess and I seriously want to deal with this. Just making up your mind to stop does not work.

Dear chocolatelover

Thank you so much.This sounds helpful.Just want to be in a cycle of people like me...Enough is enough.I'm gonna do something about it.
I 've no idea these things can use someone at your age.
I started masturbation when I was a little girl,but I never knew what it was and how serious it 'd affect my life until I became a teenager.I started writing fantasy addiction when I was 12.
Being a gifted drawer,I started drawing dirty cartoon pictures when I was alone,
I was strictly raised by christian parents who were both preachers,but none of them knew the hell I went through because I was always a good kid to everyone both at home and at school.
Because of this addiction I found everything bored around me.I quitted 4 different courses at varsity,because nothing makes sense to me.
I despised men and have no interest in them,because of this addiction.but I'm not gay.
My position as a youth leader at church slowly becomes weak.

Around 2012 September, I deactivated my phone internet access,I prayed and fast and it helped.I quitted and became a new person.I avoided magazines,smart phone and computers.It worked. Until last year December, when I came across something on internet after I googled a dating Website.it happened so fast and after that, I did it again after a week and I did it again this morning and I feel sick again.

Hang in there sister. I will check on you from time to time to see how you are doing. BUT it sounds like your meeting some people to help get you in the right direction

I sounds like you are dealing with an urge to act out sexually, that is fueled by a compulsion with no willpower to stop, and that is leading to negative consequences like "feeling sick" or "despising men."

Are you despising men when you are acting out? Are you feeling sick when you are acting out? Basic characteristics of sexual addiction or feeling of euphoria and intense focus on things you later despise after you have used them, for instance I use the images of porn starts to increase the euphoria I gain automatically by masturbating to them exhibiting their own sexual addictions on the internet.

Now that I am on the right side of the problem, knowing I am opened, although slightly, to a solution, and that my sexual addiction has an agenda that keeps negative consequences a secret and a surprise, all while persuading me acting out as the way to go, it is a relief and I know I am blessed. Some people go their whole lives never willing to end their pain and suffering from sexual addictions.

Two experiences I want to pass along. The first one is the AA recovery program I was fortunate to experience. Being recovered from an alcoholic lifestyle that had me craving alcohol every time I drank and drop, and then obsessing about it at the worst possible times, I know it is possible to have God remove any addiction. The AA program talks of sex as something that shouldn't include selfishness. The AA program says we guarantee ourselves trouble if we are selfish in the area of sex. If we are being selfish, in order to escape, or get hits of dopamine in our brains, that is different than just pure ignorance and almost pride driven enjoying our selfishness with no consideration or care if anyone else is damaged by it. AA does assume sex will be a problem for the addict, and it says we treat it like any other problem in life, we seek counsel from others (which you have already done, so that is a step in the right direction), we look at sex as a gift, and not something to waste or take for granted, and we leave the final judgement of our past, present, and future sex relations to a loving, understanding, gentle, and powerful higher power. Then AA says if all that isn't possible, if your brain is too opposed to that solution, we help others, and that will somehow eliminate the overwhelming urge most of us experience daily.

Then there is the SAA program, the Sex Addict Anonymous program, that teaches we have an illness, in where our mind has strong urges to act sexually, this is followed by a compulsion to do so, a breaking of the seal if you will, then after we do lose to that compulsion, that by the way uses euphoria to allow us to not fight the "giving in", we then obsess, but also experience negative consequence, binding us to misery, self-pity, self-hatred, ruined relationships, strife, hardship, simple a negative, pessimistic, insane, and unstable existence.

Once we have broken out of the denial that our acting out is creating pure, simple, misery, we can then believe that life wasn't meant to be lived alone, miserable, emotionless, joyless, and in a negative state. For me it all starts with denial, if I am in denial that acting out can have a positive effect on my life, I am screwed, and no amount of "faking" the steps is going to work, no amount of "wishing" I can change is going to work, I must confront my denial daily in order to be freed from sexual addiction.

If you need to talk, anytime...I am here for you...I understand Exactly how you feel....like there's no control....when the urges come...if nobody is there to handle them...you do it yourself...sounds more simple than it is in reality..but that's the best way I can describe it for now...I'm 23, and have just joined this community for the sake of saving my relationship, so if need be, we can talk about things together if you like.

-Chella

Although I am man... but I have similiar story. Just don't give up!

I found that all the time I was fighting against the problem - and guess what - I am all the time obsessed with the problem. When I tried to quit with God's power, I always wanted to do my part, do go out by what will I do (even only theoretically I was giving a chance to God). I'm just starting to leave it, and to try to fix my relationship with God... somehow on my life-track God became theoretical notion, and I am considering it now as the bigger problem than the porn/sex-addiction.

Don't give up on God, and God will not give up on you! That's what I've learn! Good luck

Ndaambe89. I am a seasonal failure in this area. I am just responding to remind you of how special you are. God loves you. You. I'm sorry you have felt the way you do about men. Any guy should be thankful to God if he has a wife who carves sexuality. So, while you try to live for the Lord, try to find a balance. Don't settle for living without sex. Obviously, as a Christian, I'm saying get married. But don't focus on being "a good wife," whatever you think that is. Focus on being you. Don't make the mistake of thinking you ARE your addiction. Yes, your desires are a part of you, but how you satisfy them isn't. That doesn't make what you do right or wrong. I'll leave it to you to make that differentiation. It just means this: you are still you, and God designed, made, and loves you.

Hey,
I'm a Caucasian male who had a pornography addiction as well. I find that it is difficult to totally quite pornography viewing, because it is laced into lots of common digital content. I saw a Netflix documentary about firework displays, they put a scene of hard-core pornography, randomly, in between images of firework displays. I was totally caught off guard and offended.
I've really stopped looking at pornography for a couple years now, but I find that the implantation of pornography in educational documentaries, movies and other materials, which would seem unrelated, make it difficult to really get away from the stuff.

My advice to anybody wanting to quit pornography would be to do what I've done, just plain and simple stop watching the videos. When you find yourself with the urge to look at the pictures or videos then simply don't. You can masturbate or whatever without looking at them, I find that is what worked best. You can still masturbate, just don't use any materials to arouse yourself. Although, masturbating fewer times a day would probably be a good idea too. But, I think a little bit isn't an addiction or problem, just try to limit the time you spend masturbating.

Thank you for everything. I'm here to testify that I'm no longer a victim of my addictions.
I'm clean for 3 months now and I have no anchor to go back.I felt great and lighter.
I can use internet without feeling any temptation to turn to porns or masturbation.
It was not an easy journey but God made it possible.

I found the vids from Terry Crews to be helpful. (Hes the actor who came out as a porn addict). He has a few short vids called "Dirty little secrets", maybe 5 or 6 of them, that were VERY inspiring. he talks about his addiction, how to get over the feeling of "shame". They are on his FB page under videos. He has a LOT of content so you might have to search for them. Hang in there man. You cant right a new chapter in your life if you keep re-reading the past. (Dont hate yourself for things you have done, you cant change it. Focus on today and tomorrow)