are you in a relationship?

I am married but we recently had a baby so we haven't been sexually active. She does not know about my addiction. (I know, I know). But I have seen so many women on here blame themselves for their partners addiction, I do NOT want her to feel that way and I know she would think its her "fault" and I would NOT be able to convince her otherwise.

Some people who struggle with porn choose to stop masturbating entirely. But, in our experience, they're in the minority. We know many more people in recovery from porn addiction who have learned, over time, how to incorporate masturbation back into their lives in a healthy way - by which we mean not training our bodies to respond only to porn as a means of sexual stimulation.

Part of recovering from sex/porn addiction is complete honesty but you already know that so i wont tell you what to tell your wife. I can say as a wife of a recovering addict after my husband finally came clean it cleared up alot of things that just didnt make any sense to me through out our marriage. Yes at first i thought it was my fault, something that i was lacking, not doing etc but as i healed i soon realized that his addiction had NOTHING to do with me.

AS far as masturbation why do you feel like you NEED to masturbate? Recovery from sex addiction is also learning what sex is in a healthy relationship and that should be with your wife. Think about the intimacy that you will be able to share with her once she is ready to resume being sexual after healing from having your baby. Honestly masturbation is a slippery slope for addicts, often even masturbating leads to relapse. IF you were to start masturbating again what images would you conjured in your head? Would that lead to triggers about porn scenes?

The crazy thing is I don't think I have done it without porn or some kind of visual stimulation ever. It was never a issue until I was 35 when personal stress increased and my wife was pregnant with our 1st. She didn't feel comfortable having sex during pregnant so I respected that. My vanilla vids/pics slowly become more taboo and I'm sure you know the rest.
I would do it as a stress relief, cant sleep...done and sleeping like a baby shorty. Crazy day at work......done, finally can focus and get the job done. Some people drink...i did this.
That was only 2-3x a week and didnt effect our sex life at all.
I dont think I can look at porn ever again....but I would like some tension release. (Granted I'm getting close to my 100 days too)

I can tell you that all of the guys that attend the 12 step meetings where we live that have long time recovery and sobriety have masturbating in their inner circle. Meaning masturbating has now become considered a relapse. Your first sentence is the reason. Those visual stimulus will creep back in and before you know it you will be watching porn again. Why risk it? For a tension release..how about exercise or something else that helps you release tension. My husband exercises..plays drums..reads. Sex isn't meant to be a form of tension release. It's about the intimacy between you and your wife. (I should note that single people can learn healthy ways to resume masturbating after a reboot) but you are in a relationship and the intimacy that you will experience with your wife now that you have stopped using porn will be unbelievable.

My personal definition that qualifies me as a sex addict is that I am powerless over selfish sexual behavior - that I cannot control myself or voluntarily stop once I engage in it, and that I cannot successfully prevent myself from engaging in it.

After years of trying to stop and finding myself unsuccessful, the only thing that has helped me is a spiritual solution.

With regard to masturbation:
- If I start, it will inevitably lead me to other things that I do not want to do.
- If I rely on masturbation as relief from stress, I am not relying on a spiritual solution.

The great thing is that once I made masturbation off-limits and once I stopped relying on it, I found freedom. I learned about myself and I learned about what is healthy when it comes to sex.

I am currently not having sex with anyone. And I am not masturbating. And I am alive and happy.

Ralph that is exactly the same reason my husband put masturbation in his inner circle. He was very honest with himself knowing that if he did start or do it once in a while that it would lead to visually pulling porn scenes up in his head and that would lead to relapse. He also agrees that sex or masturbation is never to be used as stress relief. When he was in full blown addict mode he used masturbation for everything, stress, reward, tired, hungry, bored, angry.