Sex / Pornography Addiction Support Group
Sexual addiction, also sometimes called sexual compulsion, is a form of psychological addiction to sexual intercourse and other sexual behavior.
Hi all,
I am making some progress on my own recovery, but it feels as though my marriage is falling apart no matter what I do.
I am very keen to here from some people out there whose addiction messed with their marriage, people that have shared all with their wifes, and have worked through the recovery process to get to a better place.
How did your wife ever manage to forgive you, trust you again???
Thanks
I am making some progress on my own recovery, but it feels as though my marriage is falling apart no matter what I do.
I am very keen to here from some people out there whose addiction messed with their marriage, people that have shared all with their wifes, and have worked through the recovery process to get to a better place.
How did your wife ever manage to forgive you, trust you again???
Thanks
The last 20 days have been extremely up and down - a good cross-section of real life no doubt! The one thing that has been consistent is my commitment to not relapse. Even when I have been sitting in my own self-pity, convinced that my wife is leaving me, I have not used that to justify relapse (which is what I did several times in the last 18 months).
I am going full throttle, 100%, my vision of recovery has no place for porn or it's derivatives. I have great fears and doubts about this, but I know that is the addict in me speaking - it has been with me for 20 years so I can imagine its voice will still ring loudly for sometime. I need to be on guard for the indefinite future. I read peoples journals and it scares the hell out of me how upbeat and strong people come across as just HOURS before they relapse. I need to stay close to this, knowing that in my own success and confidence I am still at risk.
your long time goals will become your new , healthy life. Consistency is key as far as rebuilding trust. Stay open, honest, transparent, share with her as much as she wants to hear, no more lies, secrets. Relapse doesnt happen at the spur of a moment, there is always something that lead to it....triggers, obsessive thoughts, letting your guard down, when you feel those things, ask for help,advice, etc.
My husband is 18 months into recovery,he has worked hard, and does daily. I still am not at the stage of forgiveness and trust, but i am a working progress....you can do this....
While me recovering from the addiction -- i.e. stopping the behavior she found most problematic -- was part of it, another part was going out of my way to spend more time with my wife and pay more attention to her needs. This actually made it easier to stay clean and it made her want to be forgiving all the more.
Whether or not she will forgive you is up to her. Forgiveness is a gift, not repayment for you being sorry or proving yourself worthy. However, you can work on being the man you know you should be, and that will go along way toward convincing her that you've really changed and make her want to forgive you.
As for "sharing all," I shared the big picture (that I'd become addicted to pornography and masturbation) but did not get very detailed. At one point after I'd been clean for a while, I tried to open the door to telling her more -- how I'd been working on being the man I should be and making changes. I thought she'd press for specifics, but she got really cuddly, and the next thing I knew, we were kissing and so on. I took that as a sign that she'd moved on and decided I should to.