I just posted something similar elsewhere silvecloud. If something turns you on how the hell do you stop it turning you on. I dont want to have my fantasy because when ive acted out its been based aruond it but i cant help it. If it floats you boat, it floats your boat.
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-from-sex-and-love-addiction/discussions/messages/10876719

Follow that thread too & you may get an answer maybe.

Can you really change yourself? Yes you can. we all can & weve all got to continue to beleive & do just that coz the place where were all coming from aint a place we want to be.

This really hit home to me! Ive been there ... maybe still there but working on getting better. These virtual worlds can be amazing experiences but are full of people that can take advantage of your emotions. Even though it is not reallife it can hurt and bring you emotionally crashing down in reallife. Dealing with childhood sexual abuse is never easy and the healing takes place in very different ways for each person. For me my Master is taking me by the hand and leading me to know how important a HEALTHY sexual relationship is... showing me the difference in submitting to someone that isnt going to abuse my trust in them. Even though i am very much submissive to him he respects my every emotion and feeling. If a Master/boyfriend/partner/husband loves you and is inlove with you they will respect your emotions and hold those emotions in their hands and guide you threw them. I dont have the answers as im still dealing with issues myself but just wanted you know im with ya... sometimes it just helps to know someone cares and understands what youre going threw. HuggzZz

Reading an article good2go2001 posted was very insightful to me: http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/vanderkolk

There is a lot of good information there; I recognized myself. It caused me to think more about the compulsive repetition thing (which others here have mentioned in connection with sexual addiction). Then I read something another member wrote about spanking compulsion and it hit home for me also. I guess that is where it all started for me; very young having sexual thoughts about being spanked. As I explained above; though my sexual fantasies are exciting for me, acting on them has an emotional price; I come down on myself hard. I thought about this some more and it has always been that way for me (since the first time I masturbated) and maybe even earlier when I thought about spanking sexually. Maybe that is even the connection I made, when I was punished, I felt shame. When dad abused me sexually, I felt shame.

I was talking with my therapist about this and she said the spanking isnt the compulsive part; the shame is, and I think thats true. Every time I have stimulated myself sexually I have consistently relived one main thing; feeling ashamed. *sigh* I dont know exactly on what occasion this became so instilled in me, but its clear, that is what I have been reliving. That is what hurt so bad. (stopping to cry) Its hard to recognize how much it has hurt me and how much I have hurt myself because of this.

I guess since I have relived it so many times, the emotions are as fresh as if it happened to me yesterday. I may not remember what was done, but I sure remember how it felt. What was done was so much more emotional than anything else; he projected his shame unto me, over-powered me and violently/sexually abused me, his child; his innocent child who loved and depended on him. He completely betrayed me and gave me all this pain, shame, perversion and violence; then I took that for myself and I have been subconsciously blaming and punishing myself for over twenty years not ever fully realizing why. Ive paid way too much for this crime.

Maybe feeling this and realizing it now can help me move to heal myself; God help me because it is poisoned my very soul. I dont even know who I am without the abuse; my life has been shaped by it so much.
If any of you here with sexual addictions are pedophiles, I hope that upon reading this, you can feel the depth of my pain right now and every time you think of harming a child.

Some others may recognize themselves in me; those who have punished themselves. I hope I help in some way. I want back what was taken from me and I wish the same for you.

While I am sorry for your sadness, I'm glad your in therapy. I just ended a 3+ month relationship with a woman I had very strong feelings for. She was a fractured personality, involved in several dangerous and degrading pursuits and in the end it was about her reluctance to move from where she found herself that I had to leave. I used to tell her that it was her parents who put her there but it was her passivity that had kept her there for 20 years. Honestly I cannot tell you how good it is to hear you use the T word in conjunction with all of this. So many people are afraid to confront there darker natures and it just keeps then where they are. As to making your peace with your sexual impulses, I think its possible. Its really about getting to the roots of the shame and the other negative emotions surrounding it all. But if it leaves you feeling empty when its over, there's still much to be done. So, I don't know you, but would you say that in looking over your old journal entry's, that you have made some progress since then? Reading old entry's will drag up old feeling, and that can feel overwhelming, but is there good news their too? Do you see progress?

Absolutely there has been progress. When I was returning into this relationship last summer I did so because, after a break, I simply could not shake the overwhelming attraction I felt for this person. He figured out all of my triggers and aroused me like crazy, knowingly or unknowingly stirred up a lot of buried feeling about my dad (by using similar means of manipulation amongst other things), engaged my mind, charmed me, and he also found various methods of creating charge/ intense interactions which produced in me the release of adrenaline. When he dropped me cold, I actually withdrew physically; it affected not only my emotions I suffered physical withdraws. I was blown away and left with this burning rage, yet this burning passion. I stayed away for nearly a year and tried to make changes sexually, but could not stop thinking about this person; I couldnt let go; it ate at me every day and consumed my mind.
Basically, I went back and he did it again.
But I met someone else; another virtual partner who was well educated and knew a great deal about psychology. He engaged me in some of the same ways the other guy did, but once he had me, he spent a great deal of time helping me work through things and it caused me to do a lot of introspection. As I tried to explain my sexual issues to him, I had to look at them myself and I learned a lot by going through that process. I started to develop too much feeling for that person, he had another partner and he had to end things (plus all of this was going on outside of my own marriage). This break-up was also very difficult and that is when I really started to act out in this virtual world; I explored every degrading fantasy imaginable, used sex to make myself feel better and then felt worse as I sank deeper
This other woman you mentioned seems to be in a similar frame of mind as I was then. I kept thinking about the guy who helped me and I wanted to change myself but didnt have the strength to try. I felt miserable and terrible about myself. I didnt understand why I was drawn to all of this or what I was doing. I recalled being molested by an older child and I knew I had emotional issues because my mom abandoned me as a child, so I just looked to those things and thought, my sexual issues are related to the molestation and my emotional issues are related to my mother. Id completely repressed the incest which is the root of it all. That is why it was so easy for this older boy to manipulate me, and it was also the reason my mom left. Not being able to recall the incest; here I was acting it out, stirring it up these feeling and not knowing why I felt such a strong impulse to do so, yet I totally put myself in my moms place and even in my dads to some extent; its crazy.
Anyway, its only by the Grace of God that I made a change; I was about to get into round three with the aforementioned man when I has a spiritual experience which put things into perspective and gave me a renewed sense of hope. You can read about that in the journal on my profile. Its called, an inspiring story, and it is. I actually ended the relationship and choose to stop hurting myself. A couple months later, I remembered the incest. Its been three month since then. Ive been learning a lot and have had a lot of realizations about myself. I may have had a passive attitude about some things, but that is shaped by my past too. I was raised by my abuser and controlled emotionally by him. Its complicated, but he taught me not to trust myself. There were several times I saw signs of him abusing others and I dismissed it. There were many casual things that he did that were wrong that I accepted as normal, so in my adult life, I continued to dismiss things I saw that were wrong and accept abusive behavior as normal. It is normal for me; Im just realizing that it isnt normal for everyone. Its hard. Seeing the truth about many little things meant recognizing the truth about my dad and emotionally that wasnt something I was ready to do until recently. Thing is, I kind of feel that if mom didnt love me, and dad didnt love me, that thats just too much to bear; it makes me feel unlovable and it hurts my heart because despite everything, I loved both of my parents very much and only wanted their acceptance. Ill never get that. All I really have is my own acceptance; I also know that I have Gods love and that helps.
Anyway, I would have never gone to therapy had I not met the compassionate partner in Second Life. Because my mom suffered a psychotic breakdown and was the victim of poor mental health practice of the times and because my dad taught me that I was like her, I was terrified of the idea of going to a therapist; they would see all the thing that are wrong with me. What if I am like my mom? She was institutionalized, drugged and given shock therapy and it traumatized her greatly; what a nightmare. This was all in part because she had paranoid illusions which in reality were well founded (though she did have a break-down). Of course I had to recall the incest to come to grips with that and to realize how much my dad deceived me. *sigh* I hate my past so much.
I wanted to talk about all this with the friend I made in Second Life, and he helped a little, but was not willing to continue to hold my hand through this. I had to sit there and think about it. I dont want him for a sexual partner I want what he offered in the way of helping me see my issues and guiding me through them I dont need a relationship; I need a counselor So, finally, I found one.
This is a long response, but its so complicated. In some ways I felt better before I recalled the incest (sexuality is worse now). Ignoring it and doing things to make me feel better provided temporary relief. Now I dont have that comfort. All of these feelings and memories just keep coming to the surface, its making the day to day difficult; it sucks really; there is no temporary relief. The truth is right in my face and its over-whelming. Is that progress? I guess it is. This is supposed to help in the long term, right?
It is changing me though. Granted, it feels as though I could easily slip into old habits and part of me pushes for that, but I dont think I could really do it anymore. This pain is changing me; now that I see where it all comes from, Im pissed. Im simply not going to allow what he did bring me any more suffering; I cant allow that now. Its not like I can just flip a switch and be healed, but I am going to over-come this.