Stay strong, know that your strength will help others.

I pray your will is given to God to allow him to protect you in this time of trail.

Why are so weak, what is causing it? what are you feeling or attempting to numb out?

So, it's a bit of a long story, but in a short retelling: The trust between my significant other and I has been slowly breaking down over time. They took steps back emotionally fairly recently, and their behavior has risen a lot of orange flags that everyone can see. I've been trying to navigate through it and be helpful, but they did something recently that has torn a gaping hole in my trust, in everyone's, actually. My brother has a fiancé, and her birthday was recently. She didn't want it mentioned because of some personal things in her life. Everyone at the house was told and it was made very clear to everyone not to mention it at all, including my S.O. Well, he ended up bringing it up in a way that could be viewed as nothing less than an almost attack. My Brother's fiancé is very shy of men for many reasons, my brother and my S.O. Two of the rare exceptions to this. Well, he approached her about her birthday when no one else was around, and in a way that really, really frightened and hurt her. It had terrible effects on her psychology. All he had to do was respect anyone's wishes about the subject, but he didn't. My brother has noticed a lot of those orange flags I mentioned before, and stepped in after the incident with his fiancé. There's been a lot of back and forths on that, and I don't think my S.O is respecting or understanding what he did wrong. It's been a lot to deal with, on top of what's been happening in OUR relationship. It's degraded into not being able to get a straight answer, and having to ask lots of questions for all his scattered details to make sense.
What happened with these scattered truths and emotional run arounds is very familiar feeling to me because of a previous relationship I was in. It was terrible. This is feeling terrible. And the thing that happened with my brother's Fiancé bothers me on a deep level. I've been abused in what I was told was going to be a safe place, and I know how much getting that trust broken hurts. She was supposed to be safe, and wasn't. Worse, she didn't want to say anything because she was afraid I'd get upset. My sister's Ex abused me at their house a number of years ago now, and I didn't tell her because I was afraid of hurt her. The parallels to my old relationship and to my abuser- with how my significant other is acting now- are just really making me question things and it feels like everything is falling in. I can't tell if I should give him more of a chance because he used to be a better person, or if I need to let him go because he's not only hurting me, but he hurt my family, which is unacceptable. There's just so much. My sister is pretty sick, our horse might be getting diagnosed with an incurable disease, I'm trying hard at a new job... There's just so much to get away from right now, my own mind being one of the biggest.

I know exactly how you feel. I am hooked on that feeling of getting a high and I think with porn we get multiple highs. One from the porn itself and enjoyment of eroticism and two the high of secrecism or the feeling we are getting away with something and the high from the release we get so in the porn world it is full of highs and twice or three times as difficult to abstain from.

Stay strong, Pottsy! You have the strength inside of you to continue to stay away from porn. You do have a lot going on, and I am sorry that you are going through so much. It just makes it easier to slip back into bad habits. I did, and I regret it. Try to work through an issue at a time? Best wishes.

Thank you for the support, I've really been needing it. It's mostly been managable, but I will admit-reluctantly- that it's all re-highlighted just how bad my sex addiction is in general. I wish it was just porn.
I get hooked on everything. I have to monitor every behavior when I'm down. No redbulls, no alcohol, no proximity to anything sharp or sugary, don't resort to food, don't punish myself with food... I've spiraled a few times, but have not resorted to self-harm or porn. If you ask me, they are the same thing, though. I can't seem to break free from my self-destructive actions. It's always something. Today has been hard, as everything has been perverted and twisted into sexual things in my mind.
My brother has been my biggest fan through it all, and I would have failed so many times without his support and everything he does for me. He just replaced my alarm clock yesterday (my mom has my old one) so that way I don't have to have my phone in case I'm struggling really bad one of these nights.
Sometimes I can't remember why porn is really such a bad thing, and others, I can't remember what's so good about it. It's a rough time right now, and seeing you all supporting each other has been really nice tonight. Thank you, all. I really mean that. Good luck,
- Pottsy

Hi Potsy
Hang in there. I understand you have a lot going on in your life right now, and porn is an escape. But stay strong. You ARE stronger than your porn addiction. Stay true to who you are and also who you want to be.
I also have a porn addiction, which my wife found out about a few days ago. She’s asked for some time to herself, so I packed today to stay at a hotel for a few nights. Never thought I’d be here and I understand the draw that porn can provide.
All the best! I’m pulling for you.

Having you all fight everyday helps me

Keep it up man! One year porn free is amazing.

Porn can be hard to let go, i have not been able to completely stop but i do it less now. I used to masturbate 3 times a day, then it was 3 times a week. Now its even less. Watching something addictive like porn takes daily sacrifice. Everyday is a new battle to stop watching it.

Thank you everybody for your support. It means a lot to me. I hope I can pay it forward, and back to everyone.

Hi Potsy and All,
Throwing this out here- I'm trying to benefit from a book called
'Healing the Shame that Binds Us'.
I can't recommend it enough. One insight it helped me with is realizing that shame, the toxic kind, is probably addictive. That hits pretty close don't you think!?
Fyi I tried to read it for over a year, but now listening to the audio version.
Keep up the good fight alright!

I suppose you should always use the computer in front of someone. There should be porn blockers and a lot of praying. Porn addiction is something therapy and rehab cannot help or do much against. Only a lot of prayer and true perseverance and resistance to the appetite is what will free us.