The other night my ex wife over unexpectedly and she said she wanted to have sex but i couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it and i don't mean i was being strong i mean i couldn't get aroused and i don't know what that means. Does that mean i can't have sex with someone i care about. And now I'm afraid that all the filthy things I've engaged in has made impossible to have sex with someone i truly care about I'm going to bring this up to my therapist next session

Good idea to bring it up. I think it's okay, though. When a guy is going through a lot emotionally, mentally that can put a damper on things. It seems you don't want to be just a sex machine any more, but are not sure yet,, and maybe it wasn't the right time. Seems to me progress is being made.

I don't know what your whole relationship is with your wife now. You do care about her. Is there a possibility that you two could have a healthy marriage? Or is it that she just had a sex craving?

The wife and i separated because the sex and porn addiction and that it made me emotionally unavailable to her and i think she thinks that the only way she can be with me is to have sex i think she feels that's the only way I'll except her and i feel ashamed for making her feel this way cause i do love her and she doesn't know anything about the situation with my cousin and that is too embarrassing and i will never talk to her about that because it would destroy my entire family.

Thanks for explaining. I think you have a good idea there in trying to show your wife that there is more to your relationship than just sex, and so being abstinent while you share other things with her.. maybe getting to know each other this time in other ways, and spending quality time together at other things. Good for you.