I agree with Rebirth, until you know someone, contraception should be used. The last thing you want is an STD.
Have an open discussion with the guy and be sure to express your concerns.

I understand not wanting to use anything, I think the last time we used a condom was before I was married.

So I am still sentenced to plain vanilla 5 minute men...( and with rubbers). Why do I even bother then???? (very disappointing).

No you are not sentenced to that. If you feel comfortable enough that he is clean, then it’s all good. I just think you need to be cautious at first.
You know you are clean and if he tells you he’s clean and you are confident he is, all is fair game.

Can’t stand condoms. Used them three times in my life. That was plenty. Date, get to know the person them go together to get blood tests. Agree to read results together. This is the only way I would have sex with someone new.

I agree with finally. Better be safe then sorry. Most insurance companies will pay for it. A little bit of blood and you can be tested for everything under the sun!

I learned the hard way that I can't do "no strings attached", FWB, recreational sex. So if and when I feel ready to have sex with someone new, I will feel completely comfortable having that conversation, complete with testing.

what is sex? I seem to have missed the class on sex let alone safe sex.....safe sex to me is masturbation.....LOL

Ah yes bill... That is NOT all it's cracked up to be. lol.

I am no fan of fwb either. I do want more than that and also will have that conversation. For me though it seems hard to request actual testing. What does that say to someone? (But I guess would not be so bad considering I would be willing, so why wouldn't they?) I also consider at this stage of the game, many either widowed or very unhappily divorced do not want to think past a casual relationship that comes with some slap and tickle. Too afraid of the past repeating itself.

I'm so desperate in a lifeless marriage that I think it looks like just giving in to the urge for sex and forgetting the fear, even if it a FWB. A creative connection can still be made there. But, is that right? And, 5-minute men do not care about making a connection. They are missing a whole lot of pleasure by being that selfish.

@Lance... that is where so many of us do wind up. I came so very close to that several times and in hindsight I am glad I stood back, took a breath and thought twice. I am not certain things would have turned out well. (2 were smooth talkers in one breath saying they did want to be friends as well... and in the next breath 1 was planning right down to me greeting him at MY door and just what he had in store for me throughout the FIRST date. The other was from across state and coming to visit at a nearby hotel. But he needed to know that I would be staying over and had his own requests. (Though initially he said friendship was fine too to start. )

From either of those 2 I would have gotten some hot and steamy passion (which I long for at least once before I kick the bucket)… but because of the way things went down, I did not trust either one.

A creative connection is a good way to put it. For me it is just hard to reach. I am so trusting (though learning big time) and afraid I will trust someone not being truthful. But how rude and embarrassing to ask someone to be tested.

Also. the fact that did a 180 on their initial response tells me they are also very self focused and again I see the 5 minute watch ticking in my ear. What happened to foreplay and romance???

@veggiequeen I would agree with your thoughtful response and am grateful you took your time to respond.

Even though I agree, it's hard when it's not happening at home with a good woman. This old goat can't trust either and because someone saying one thing then blowing it off. Yes, if I could not help myself, I would not ask for testing, I would follow my thrill-seeking self and just go for it and let the chips fall. Or, at least I am so frustrated that is what I think i would do.

I wound up scheduling sex time with my wife this morning. It did feel comfortable doing that. I am having trouble figuring out how to approach that time and how I would like it to look.

Good for you. Even if it is not spontaneous for you (just knowing that she does need that and) taking a chance to possibly "book" a little time as opposed to just the Sunday deal can be a step in the right direction.